The End of This Chapter
Hello, it has been quite a while hasn’t it? Guess that means things have been good. And they have been. Since I last posted any type of update like this, I got engaged to and soon after, married my now wife. Found a place, that we now moved out of, and now spending some downtime at my mother-in-laws before wife and I head to Japan. Yeah...how bout them apples? Comes with the job. Still keep that one tight-lipped, but several of you are smart cookies...you can probably figure it out. Anyway, things have been good, and the trend looks to continue in this next phase of our lives. But as I sit here enjoying the peace and quiet, the legendary Southern hospitality that I’ve heard so much about (my wife’s from Georgia), it has sadly and inevitably led to me having loads of time to think and reminisce about things. The past, present, future. Things that were, that are, and what might have been. Yes, the elephant in the room will be addressed here today.
So a quick recap of things, had a nice bond with someone I had a strong feeling for, considered an equal in nerdcore, though the world of her, etc. Things had a great run for a bit, was happy. Then it all went south. Lies, miscommunication, whatever...the details are irrelevant and no longer matter now. Bond shattered asunder, sides were drawn. For a time, one person or the other would find an opportunity to covertly or overtly fire a volley of shade at the other, who would immediately retaliate. This went on for a long while until it didn’t. We entered a Cold War phase. Then I decided to make it hot, it was prompted due to me being angry...that I was wronged and she did not take responsibility. Not my finest hour, I will definitely own that. But instead of going hot, we talked...well...we talked after some initial volleys. But we talked. And then something happened that didn’t happen before when we tried to squash it, we actually listened to each other and owned up. She went first. And I...I was speechless. I had expected nothing to come out of that conversation, just the same old bs. But what I got...I was not prepared for. But it blew me away and give me...closure? I cant think of a better word so we’ll go with that for now. Anyhow, it meant a lot. From someone who knows, it takes a certain strength to admit to one’s mistakes. And well, I had acted ugly in parts, so I very well couldn’t just say nothing. I apologized too. And so the Cold War, that got a little spicy for a bit, cooled again and became a detente. And we made up...and walked away. Honestly, that was better than I think either of us ever imagined. To be honest, I was happy with that.
I felt that was enough. Make up, wish each other a good life and walk away. But life, as I have learned time and again, has a way of surprising you. As she popped up and said hello. And well, I had to say what was on my mind. That I just wanted my friend back. My good lady friend, sister in nerdcore, and confidant. And I think, I hope, she wanted the same. She moved on and so did I. And we both found someone and married them. And that’s wonderful. She has her own next chapter on the horizon, and I’m about to start mine shortly. We all deserve some peace and happiness in this fucked up world, and I’m happy she found some. And obviously, I’m happy I found some too. And well, that was expressed, and the bond that was broken is now fixed. The detente is no more. Basically friends and supporters if this was too TLDR: We was cool, then we were warring, then Cold War, then understanding, then peace and a friendship mended. So guns down gang! The war is over.
Boom. Peace in our time. I mean it worked for the Koreas right? lol Well anyway, this is good. As I wanted to square all accounts before leaving the country for a bit. Considering where I’m going it’s best to start thing off with a clean slate. Tabula rasa.
And yet, because of course that’s how my mind works, I cant help but reflect on it all. I really did have powerful feelings for her. It was a secret to no one lol. And to me, she was perfect. Ideal I guess you can say. And, I was willing and ready to go all in. As in her burdens being mine...you know where I’m going with this. I had put her on such a high pedestal, and did not hesitate to go to bat for her. Which also proved to be my downfall in the end. Still, before the days when it did go south, those were some good days. I enjoyed them and cherish those days. And so, at least just for this instant, I think about what might have been...what would have happened if things had not gone south, but the opposite direction. Nice thoughts. But, not the reality. Ever since I first heard this in Star Trek VI, I never forgot these words that Spock said about how the universe has a way of making things work itself out, that “everything will unfold as it should”. And with Leigh (my wife), it did. When I met her, I was still pretty sore and hurting, and I was not looking for nor expecting love. It came all the same. I healed and became whole and stronger because of her. And because of that (and so many other reasons that would take an entire post to list), I just had to marry her.
And here we are. I am happy. And couldnt be happier for sis in nerdcore for the similar path she took. So, while I will always be glad for those good days, while I pondered on how nice things would be on the what ifs, I’m happy that everything panned out like this. I’m married, going to a dream country, and a have my dear friend back. Ah yes...Japan. My wife and I have lived together for a few months, but moving here together will allow us to live together, grow together, heal together...away from it all. And believe me, I have one hell of a wishlist of places to visit, things to do, and food to eat over in Japan. And yes, I will be making a nerd pilgrimage to Akihabara. Duh.
Well, as the saying goes, all’s well that ends better. And finally just want to say this to my friend, who no doubt will read this (I know you lol), well...I’m sorry it did go south for a bit...but I am glad you are in my life as a friend still. Thank you for the good times, I will cherish them. And good luck to your own new chapter on the horizon. Live well Linds.
Peace in our time. Who’d have thunk it? :)
And now...the end of this chapter. Time to begin the next one. Y2M out.