For 5 years I have idolised this man. I have looked up to this person. Since I was ELEVEN I have admired Alex. I am in shock. I don't know how to feel, how to react, what to say. I don't think it is possible to go from love to hate, my admiration was so strong I keep trying to make excuses for a man who manipulated and sexually assaulted women. I keep trying to see his side, trying to make this not true. To the victims: I am so sorry for what you have been through, I am so sorry for how he made you feel. I am so sorry that I for one second doubted/judged you, that was wrong of me To Alex: I feel like you are a disgusting person. I want to scream and shout and hit you for letting me down. But you don't even know I exist. Because to you, I'm just another face in the crowd, another angry post. But you're wrong, just like your victims.. I am a person who has emotions. To the pirates of love/nermie army: I don't even know how to feel anymore. I don't want to lose you as a group of people, some I would call my friends - but I cannot support this creature I'm not a regular tumblr user but this seems to be the platform for this conversation so that is why this post is here.