seen from Uruguay
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seen from China
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seen from France
seen from Germany
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Have you ever seen a cuter family? Super stoked to share this piece I commissioned for Day Four: AU Day for @nessianweek!
As everyone knows, I had a blast writing my Kid!Fic, Let Our Hearts, Like Doors, Open Wide, so I absolutely had to commission a piece of Nesta, Cassian, and Mellie.
Thank you so much to Jade (_jadee.art on IG) who perfectly captured how I imagined this little family.
Nessian ☆ Training Together🖤
artist: libiarts [twitter]
Compliments to the Chef
Happy Day 2 of @nessianweek! I hope you all enjoy this little meet cute I whipped up for our favorites hehe.
Read on AO3 here!
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Summary: Cassian is head chef and keeps sending free food to the woman who comes in after work, just to brighten her day a little.
Word Count: 1605
Warnings: None
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Cassian
Cassian could barely contain his grin when Mor walked into the kitchen and announced, “She’s back!”
Cassian whipped his head up from the chopping board he’d been using to dice onions. “Really?”
“Would I lie to you, Cass?” Mor shot back with an unimpressed look on her face. “Look at the bar and see for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Cassian did just that once he was done with his prep work, quickly washing his hands before moving to the kitchen window. Just as Mor had promised, there she was – the woman that Cassian had been sending free appetizers and desserts for her to try going on weeks now. He could recognize the golden-brown hue of her hair even from far away.
“What’s on the menu for today, Chef?” Azriel asked from behind him, a teasing lilt to his voice. The three of them had started together at The Sidra, an upscale restaurant in the nicer part of Velaris, and had quickly risen through the ranks to dominate their own little areas of the restaurant. Mor served as head bartender, Azriel was their sous chef, and Cassian was the head chef. They all worked under Helion, their mysterious executive chef who came and went as he pleased, but everyone on staff enjoyed Helion’s rather lax leadership style.
Because Cassian was so high up in the kitchen hierarchy, he had authority to send all kinds of free dishes to guests to keep them happy. He’d taken advantage of that perk liberally ever since this woman had started frequenting their restaurant; he knew nothing about her other than how beautiful she was and how frazzled she looked coming in for a drink and a small bite to eat after work. She usually had on some kind of fancy looking suit, so he’d pegged her for the white-collar type – maybe a company executive, a lawyer, something like that.
He wasn’t deluding herself into thinking she wanted anything to do with him. He just sent her a plate of something nice, compliments of the chef, when he could tell she needed the extra boost. She seemed to respond better to desserts than anything, so he’d bribed his dessert team with all kinds of little favors to have them whip up special things that weren’t on the menu for her.
Tonight, he’d sent over one of his favorite desserts, a tiny brownie sundae that came inside a chocolate ball. He could only hope she’d been just as fascinated by it as he’d been the first time he’d tried it, especially when the server poured hot chocolate over the chocolate ball to reveal even more dessert inside.
“Do you think she’ll like it?” Cassian fretted as one of their servers whisked the dessert away to deliver to the woman.
“She better, considering how much of a pain in the ass they are to plate,” Azriel muttered from next to him. At Cassian’s scowl, he added, “Yes, Chef. She’ll love it, Chef.”
“Stop it,” Cassian told him with a roll of his eyes. Azriel was technically underneath him in the kitchen hierarchy, but they’d known each other far too long to ever really subscribe to that sort of thing. “You know I hate a yes man.”
“Whatever you say, Chef,” Azriel replied. He chuckled at the scowl on Cassian’s face. “Relax, Cass. Who doesn’t love free desserts?”
The hustle and bustle of the kitchen swept them up before they could continue their conversation, but as staff came in and out of the swinging doors, it wasn’t long before someone brought it up again.
“I think you should go talk to her,” Lucien, one of their best servers, commented as he entered the kitchen to pick up several plated entrees. “She’s not as scary as she looks, I promise.”
“Who said anything about me being scared?” Cassian fired back with a roll of his eyes.
“Nobody, but it’s been weeks of this and you still haven’t shown your face, so…” Lucien trailed off and gave Cassian a knowing smirk. “I’m just saying.”
“I’m sure that has nothing to do with the bet we have going,” Azriel muttered under his breath.
Lucien just smiled innocently before loading up his arms with plates. “Of course not, Velasquez. I would never attempt to mess with the betting pool for my own financial gain.”
“Get the hell out of my kitchen, Vanserra,” Cassian grumbled, taking a break from slicing carrots to making a shooing motion at the redhead. Lucien just laughed on his way out.
“I mean, he does have a point,” Cresseida, his rather excellent junior chef, commented blithely from next to him. “Respectfully, Chef, if you don’t do something about her, I will.”
Cassian pondered Cresseida’s words and decided to get over himself just so he could prove his kitchen staff wrong. It had absolutely nothing to do with his sudden fear that if he waited too long, someone would snatch up this gorgeous woman – assuming she hadn’t already been snatched up.
Cassian wiped his hands on the nearest clean dish towel before he took off his chef’s hat and entered the dining area. He resolutely ignored the wolf whistles and cheers of his staff as he walked through the swinging doors, focused instead on his destination. He made small talk with various patrons on his way over so he could at least look busy; the restaurant was decently full with the after-work dinner crowd, but he was single-minded on his goal.
He spotted her right away as he approached the bar, Mor giving him an encouraging smile as he did. The woman was dressed in a navy suit today, her hair pulled into her typical braided coronet, and Cassian hoped he wasn’t about to make a big mistake.
“Hi,” he said quietly, slipping into the empty bar stool next to her. The woman turned to look at him, surprise written all over those pretty gray-blue eyes, and he knew right then and there he was completely fucked – more than he already was, anyway. “How’s the food?”
“Delicious as always,” she responded once she’d finished chewing. She tilted her head to study him for a few moments before recognition sparked in her gaze. “Have you been the one sending me all this free food?”
“Um…” Cassian trailed off. He hadn’t expected her to be so direct about it, but he’d roll with it if it meant continuing their conversation. “Yeah, I have. I’m the head chef, and you always seemed a little down whenever you came in here, so I thought you could use the pick me up.”
Cassian quickly replayed the last part of his sentence and rushed to add, “Not that I think that’s a bad thing or anything. Or that you needed it or you looked sad or whatever. I just… wanted to brighten your day when – if – I could. I can definitely stop if you don’t like it, I don’t want you to feel obligated or anything. I just… wanted to make you smile.”
The woman didn’t say anything as she watched him stumble through an increasingly awkward explanation, but once he was finished, a tiny smile quirked the edges of her lips upward. “That’s really kind of you…?”
“Cassian,” he introduced himself once he realized she was waiting for him to give her his name.
“Cassian,” she repeated to herself. “That’s very kind of you, Cassian. And rather perceptive of you, too.”
“I’ll definitely take that over it being creepy or weird,” he joked, immensely satisfied when he earned a huff of a laugh from her. “Assuming that you don’t think those things, anyway.”
“I don’t,” she reassured him. Gods help him, but he wanted to bask in this feeling forever. “It’s been nice, feeling like someone cared enough to try and brighten my day. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome…?” he trailed off, hoping she’d give him her name.
“Nesta.” Nesta gave him a slightly bigger smile and Cassian had to fight the urge to melt into his stool. “I’m surprised you didn’t check the name on my receipts.”
“Then I’d really be a creep,” Cassian said, earning another huff of a laugh. He looked over his shoulder to check whether his staff needed him back and noticed Azriel waving wildly for his attention in the kitchen window. “I hate to run out on you, but it looks like I have to get back to work.”
“I’ve taken up enough of your time, really,” she said back with a wry tilt to her mouth. “Thank you again for all the delicious food, Cassian. It really meant – means – a lot.”
“Anytime, Nesta,” he told her sincerely. He slid off the bar stool as gracefully as he could manage with his bulk, deciding against putting his hand on her arm considering he was still on the clock. “I’ll see you around, I hope?”
“You will,” she replied with a little smile. “Oh, and Cassian?”
Cassian had taken a few steps away from the bar, but he turned back around with a little smile of his own. “Yeah?”
“I’m very partial to chocolate cake, if you have any,” she told him. “Do with that what you will.”
Cassian made sure to send her the biggest slice of chocolate cake he could get away with before she left, and was rewarded with Nesta leaving her number for him on the back of her receipt.
I’d like to personally deliver my compliments to the chef, she’d written in neat handwriting. Maybe over dinner sometime?
Cassian didn’t even let Azriel winning the kitchen’s bet stop him from smiling the rest of their shift.
———
tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @nestaspegasus | @a-court-of-valkyries | @rowaelinismyotp | @live-the-fangirl-life | @sv0430 | @brieq | @positivewitch | @sayosdreams | @nesquik-arccheron | @talkfantasytome | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @vidalinav | @swankii-art-teacher | @still-looking-for-wonderland | @that-little-red-head | @secretlovelybeauty | @starksravings | @dustjacketmusings | @katekatpattywack | @claralady | @gwynethhberdara | @duskandstarlight | @arinbelle | @vanserrass | @mrs-shadowsinger04 | @houseofcalores | @imsointobooks | @silvernesta | @planet-faerie | @teagoddess99 | @champanheandluxxury | @catplayinvioline | @flora-shadowshine | @nerdperson524 | @story-scribbler | @vasudharaghavan | @dealfea | @snickerdoodlechittybangbang | @charming-butt-insane | @highqueenofelfhame | @julemmaes | @oversizedbats | @readingismyonlyhobby | @milkkand-honey | @wildlyglittering | @thewayshedreamed
Stitches
Nesta gets a small injury in training, and Cassian won't rest until she's healed.
Warnings: Mentions of blood, nothing gory.
Word Count: 1,639 | Nessian Masterlist | Read on AO3
a/n: Well...it's been quite a while since I've written/finished anything that can be posted! I think I'm kinda out of practice. I guess I need to be writing more. XD Prompt request can be seen here.
For Day 1 of @nessianweek
"I'm fine Cassian. It's just a scratch."
Cassian chuckled and let his gaze fall to Nesta. "I think we'll let Madja be the judge of that."
"You're fussing. Put me down!" Nesta demanded, wriggling in his arms.
"Why would I do that? We're fifty feet in the air, and I've grown to like you."
Nesta huffed loudly and grumbled under her breath. Cassian wasn't entirely sure what she said, but it sounded an awful lot like overreacting Illyrian baby.
"If the bleeding stops by the time we land, then we can skip Madja and go back home," he offered. As if there was a chance that was happening. Nesta had been slashed good during training. He'd told her the young priestess was too early in her training to be using a real sword, but did Nesta listen?
Of course not. She never did.
Fuck him, it was one of the things he loved about her.
Nesta nodded and sighed, "Fine. But even if I am still bleeding when we get there, I'm sure Madja will say it's nothing."
He flapped his wings and propelled them forward. It wasn't a long flight, but with each beat of the black leather, his heart grew louder.
His mate was probably right. It wasn't an awful cut, definitely something that would heal overnight. But with the blood flowing down her arm, dripping into the air beneath them, his hold on her was the only thing keeping him together. That and breathing through his mouth to avoid smelling the blood. Seeing it was more than enough to drive him crazy.
Cassian landed gracefully in front of the Healer's practice. Nesta attempted to wriggle out of his arms, but he held her firm as he rushed inside. The blood was still trickling down her arm, she had no way out of this now.
"Madja?" he called, entering the small building.
"Can I get down now?" Nesta asked.
He let out a small chuckle and set her down on a chair just as the small Fae walked in from an archway leading to her medical supply room. "Yes-oh! I see." The female eyed the arm Nesta was holding up with her other hand and then rushed back into her supply room.
Cassian flashed Nesta a smug grin. "Told you so." Nesta stuck her tongue out at him and then went back to examining the gash that just refused to heal as quickly as most injuries. He'd have to go check the sword when they got back to the House, make sure it was clean and there wasn't something else on it that could be affecting her.
Madja returned with a small box and some bandages. She didn't bother to address them or speak as she pulled another chair and a table over and began to set up.
"It looks like you're going to need stitches, dear," Madja explained, already threading a needle.
"What?!" Both Cassian and Nesta shrieked the word, Nesta also hopping out of her seat so fast the chair fell over.
Cassian looked over to Madja as he said, "I thought you'd just be able to give her a tonic or rub something on her arm to help her heal quicker."
"I'm not getting stitches!" Nesta added, not waiting for Cassian to finish.
"Calm down, dear. It's completely safe. And the fastest way to ensure you heal." Madja leaned over to pick up the chair and motioned for Nesta to sit.
Nesta shook her head and took another step away from the seat. "No way."
That wasn't a look on Nesta that Cassian saw often. The way her eyes widened and refused to blink, how they focused in on the needle, how her jaw clenched - Nesta was…scared.
"Nes," he breathed, walking over to her, standing between her and Madja for a moment. He placed his hands on her arms and started to rub them gently. He whispered, "There's nothing to be afraid of."
"I'm not-" Cassian quirked his eyebrow at her and she cut herself off, pulling her lips thin. "I don't like needles."
"You were just slashed by a sword," he pointed out, laughing breathily. "I think you can handle a little needle."
He tried to hide the way the small frown broke his heart. That every moment she spent staring at the needle in Madja's hand with those big, grey eyes was torture. That wasn't what she needed.
No, Nesta needed a distraction, and a hand to hold. And maybe a reason to do this beyond herself.
"Can't we just let it heal naturally?" she requested, leaning into him.
She knew. Two years together, there's no way Nesta didn't know. Leaning against him like that, with so much of her body touching his…Cassian could practically feel his will melting away. That perfect scent of a winter's sunrise mixed with embers completely engulfed him, luring him away from reason.
And then the scent of the blood took over, and he was right back in that healing practice, an injured Nesta in his arms, a small healer watching them and waiting.
"The problem is that the cut is so deep, your body is struggling to heal itself," Madja explained. "You need something to help your body find its way, so to speak. That's what the stitches will do, just like they did for Cassian during the war."
"This wound is nothing like that."
Madja's expression didn't alter at the rebuttal. She simply patted the seat again and waited.
"Please, Nesta," Cassian begged. "You can still spend the afternoon recuperating. Maybe curl up with a book in the library. I'll have the House whip up an extra chocolatey cake for you."
Nesta rolled her eyes and huffed, "The House would do that for me anyway."
"Okay. How about you do this, and I'll join you in the library and read a smutty book of your choosing?" Nesta's eyebrows raised, her interest piqued. "And then maybe I'll draw us a bath after dinner?"
"With bubbles." It was an order as much as it was a request. She walked back to Madja and took her seat, and Cassian followed close behind, taking her hand so she'd have something to squeeze.
He lifted his other hand and pulled her face so that those crystal, blue grey eyes were on him. "Look at me, Nes. Don't watch Madja, it'll only make it worse." Nesta nodded, her eyes dropping to his chest as they started to shine. He pulled her head into him and kissed the top of it softly as he watched Madja work.
The healer broke the skin, and Nesta whimpered into him. He kissed her again, brushing his fingers through her hair and softly encouraging her through the process. Cassian wasn’t sure what else he could do, but this seemed to pacify Nesta. It was rather bittersweet, to be able to help her like this. It was nice knowing that he could. But he hated that he needed to.
She remained fairly still, only jerking slightly each time the needle had to pierce the skin again, but soon enough Madja was tying off the stitches and cleaning up the wound again before bandaging it.
"Is it over?" Nesta asked quietly.
"Yeah, it is. And you did so well, Nes," Cassian sighed, pulling back to smile down at her.
Nesta shook her head at him slightly, laughing under her breath as if she found his encouragement amusing now that Madja was done.
Using some fancy solvent, the healer sealed the bandage to itself so that it wouldn't fall right off and then cleared her throat to get their attention. "Now that you have the stitches, the healing will speed up quite a bit. The stitches should dissolve by tomorrow morning, and you'll be good as new by tomorrow night, no scar or anything."
"And I can train tomorrow morning?"
"Absolutely," Madja replied. "You may feel some pain tonight, but that should also be gone by tomorrow. Maybe a touch of soreness, but not much more than you're probably used to."
Cassian stood from where he'd been squatting. "Thank you, Madja. I really appreciate it."
She nodded and waved the gratitude off, focusing instead on cleaning and packing up the materials she'd brought out. "When you get the chance, can you please remind Rhysand he is no longer welcome at Nyx's check-ups? I cannot work with the way he hovers."
"I think you'd survive reminding him far more than I would," Cassian chuckled. He looked over at Nesta and found her wearing a restrained smile, as if she were trying extremely hard to not laugh. "Ready to go?"
She took the hand he held out for her. "Thank you, again, Madja."
"It's not a problem."
The two females nodded at each other. Nesta and Cassian made their way out of the practice and into the bright light of Velaris.
"So, where to next?" Cassian asked.
"We're going back to the House, to the family library. I'm going to pick out the filthiest book for you." Nesta's smile had turned into a conspiratorial smirk that had Cassian already regretting his offer.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and started walking down the street. "Yes, and we will do that. But I thought maybe we could stop by that bakery you love so much. Pick up some desserts for tonight."
"On top of the extra chocolatey cake?"
"On top of the cake," he agreed, pulling her in close as she wrapped her arm around the small of his back. He couldn't help but smile widely as they continued making their way to the shop Cassian spent too much of his money at these days.
Nesta looked up at him from the side of her eyes. "Sounds good. But I'm getting a snack for this afternoon, too."
"I figured."
@live-the-fangirl-life @generalnesta @secretlovelybeauty @nestaisgod @julemmaes @boredserpent @autumnbabylon @lady-winter-sunrise @moodymelanist @sv0430 @nesquik-arccheron @gwynrielsupremacy @katekatpattywack @moonstoneriver77 @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @swankii-art-teacher @lemonade-coolattas @emily-gsh @my-fan-side @champanheandluxxury @sayosdreams @simpingfornestaarcheron @perseusannabeth @clemidansleschoux @meher-sumedha @labetenoir @vinylcryes @shinya-hiiragi @starryblueskies7 @the-key-to-me-myself-and-i @a-court-of-milkandhoney @pintas3107 @embersofwildfire @cannellefawn @superspiritfestival @aks18 @thewayshedreamed @lunabean @xstarlightsupremex @mis-lil-red @captainchris-pike
𝕹𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓 🗡🔥
𝕯𝖆𝖞 2: 𝖂𝖆𝖗
So for Nessian week I really wanted to do something funny for one of my favorite couples! I sent @vmiae the idea that I had in mind and of course Kam did an amazing job in making this art hilarious and fun. I’ve always loved @vmiae artwork and I am so happy I was able to work with them again!
Attached is an excerpt from A Court of Wings and Ruin to show where we got the inspiration from.
Thank you so much again @vmiae for drawing this art for me. It’s everything I wanted and more. I absolutely love this 💕
Artist: @vmiae ❤️
Link to Instagram post
All characters belong to Sarah J Maas
For @nessianweek day 5: music
Added a preview because I hate tumblr image quality, high res below
NESSIAN for @nessianweek 🗻
Mimi
Nessian week 2022, day seven: free day
A/N: I'M LATE TO THIS??? UNHEARD OF! Not-funny jokes aside, I once saw a tiktok that said how nobody talks about dads' struggles during the pregnancy and the early months of their kid's life and Idk I had ideas and I threw them at Nessian as usual. "Mimi" is a chunky, very emotional-angst baby, so be careful with this one
This is also a very late happy birthday gift for @simpingfornestaarcheron cause she's the best and she asked for some hair-pulling-angst
Thanks to @starksravings for beta reading this, love you❤
@nessianweek
Word count: 7.374
"Okay," Cassian whispered, looking around, counting the number of suitcases and bags scattered on the floor. The pram, the baby carrier, the bag they were going to take on the plane with everything for any eventuality. He turned towards the stairs and called out loudly. "Sweetheart? Did we get everything?"
Nesta didn't reply, but he heard the bathroom drawers being opened and closed quickly, as if his wife was checking one last time that they hadn't forgotten anything. He nodded once, sighing. Great minds think alike.
He was about to call her again, ask her if she needed a hand, when the tiny baby he held on his chest with just one hand moved a leg, jerking a little. Cassian lowered his gaze the exact moment Jamie opened her eyes.
Irises so clear they were worthy of the clearest sea stared back at him, and he smiled without even realising it. Every time his daughter looked at him as if he hung the moon.
Nesta liked to joke that Cassian had sold his soul to the devil to be the child's favourite, to be admired by someone the way Jamie did whenever she found herself in the room with her father. It was enviable, a love as strong, as visible as the one between him and the little creature who was already falling asleep in his arms again.
He brushed his fingertip over her rosy cheek and then gently laid her down in her carrier, being careful not to wake her up as he cradled her head and left a kiss on her forehead.
He lost track of time looking at her, making sure her tiny little chest was moving, that she was breathing. He was unbelievably scared of that nightmare becoming a reality, even if their pediatrician had told them multiple times that Jamie was one of the healthiest babies she had ever treated. They had discussed this ad nauseam with doctor Towers after Nesta had found Cassian kneeling on the floor next to her crib, just after they had brought her home from the hospital. He was passed out, his face pressed against the wooden bars, a hand on the baby’s torso, covering her entire body.
He was so deeply absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Nesta coming down the stairs right behind him, and he startled when she gently placed a hand on his back, taking a step to the side.
He pulled himself up, bringing one hand to his chest with wide eyes. "Jesus, woman," he breathed, "next time stab me directly, will you?"
Nesta raised both her brows, an amused grin curling her lips. When she spoke, she was whispering. “Oh yeah, I’m sorry,” she didn’t sound sorry at all, “would you rather put a bell on me?”
Cassian nodded, smirking in turn, letting his hand reach for her arm, brushing the exposed skin between the tank top and the knitted cardigan that had slipped from her shoulder.
“I think that’s an awesome idea.” He joked, bending down just enough to be at eye level with his wife. His eyes fell briefly to her lips and then back up to her eyes.
She never failed to make his heart skip a few beats.
His next words came from a place deep in his soul, and Nesta seemed pleasantly surprised. As if she wasn’t expecting him to say such a thing at that moment.
“You’re stunning today.”
Her eyes softened, and she brought her hands to his chest, closing the distance between them until their bodies pressed flushed together. She went up on the tip of her toes and left a soft peck on his lips.
Cassian smiled in the kiss and she huffed, taking a step back and crouching to the floor, moving the bags closer to her.
“I’m pretty sure our taxi is gonna be here in a minute or so. Why don't you take Mimi and take her outside?” She said, putting more and more bags on her shoulders and arms. “I’ll be there in a sec.”
He frowned, “What?”
She ignored his question as she placed one of the biggest bags in the stroller, overloading it and making it almost topple onto the floor. Cassian’s hand shot out, gripping the handle of the thing and taking one of the bags from her when Nesta groaned.
“What are you even doing?” He asked, searching for her eyes.
Nesta leveled him a look, conveying all the sarcasm of a thousand comedians in her next words, “I’m obviously trying to make an omelette.”
He snorted, a smile breaking out despite his attempt to hold it back. “Such a smartass.”
“I wanna see,” another groan from her while she tried to balance yet another backpack on top of everything on the stroller, “if I can manage to bring all of these by myself, so your arms will be free to take Jamie when she needs to be picked up.”
Cassian wanted to laugh, glancing at the stuff they’d packed, covering almost the entirety of their entrance’s floor.
“Yeah, no.” He shook his head.
Nesta sighed, “Yes.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but a horn honked outside, making Jamie whimper softly. Both parents’ stares snapped to the baby, and when she blinked awake, Nesta melted and kneeled next to her, all the rest forgotten in a flash. Jamie grinned toothlessly at her mom, sleep still clinging to her body as she tried to lift a tiny fisted hand.
Cassian’s heart swelled in his chest when Nesta slightly bowed down, moving closer to their daughter's face, briefly rubbing their noses together and whispered, “Hello, Mimi.”
Jamie wiggled her feet excitedly and squealed high enough that Cassian cringed.
Nesta looked up at him over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “So we have a deal?”
His face fell. “No, we do not.”
She huffed, ready to argue back, but he held a hand up, stopping her. She frowned.
“Listen, Nes, we have to cross the entire airport, and you know it’s gonna be crowded as fu-”
She shot to her feet, both hands up and a threatening look.
“Fudge,” he coughed, failing to hide his amusement as he stepped back. “Crowded as fudge. And you can’t take all of this by yourself. You’ll be sore by day one if you do.”
“So you think I’m weak.”
He ran a hand over his face, “No, I didn’t say that.”
“I smell misogyny,” she joked.
Cassian huffed a laugh, “Stop that.”
She smiled at him, shrugging.
The taxi driver honked again, and Cassian stepped just outside the front door to let him know they’d be ready in a moment before getting back inside.
“I’m serious, though,” he went again, “you can’t bring everything without letting me take something.”
Nesta raised her shoulders until they reached her ears and she eyed Jamie, who was now staring at Cassian with big, shiny eyes. He fluttered his fingers in a subtle wave at the baby, and she cooed.
“I just think I’d feel safer if you had her, you know?”
He studied Nesta for a second and nodded, letting her continue.
“You’re right, the airport will be crammed, and you know I get skittish around large crowds. So I’d rather you carry her and let me deal with the bags and trolleys and stuff. I don’t know if I can handle people slamming into me while I hold her.”
Cassian scowled, mumbling quietly, “I don’t think I can handle people slamming into you, period.”
Nesta took a deep breath and put a hand on his chest. His own instinctively reached for it.
“Listen, it’s not just the two of us anymore, and we knew what we were signing up for when we booked this trip.” She tried to sound sure of herself, but Cassian knew she was just as worried as he was. “We try to enjoy ourselves and the vacation, but our priority is making sure she’s comfortable and safe, and I can’t do that if I have to keep my anxiety at bay. So please, please just let me take everything. Who cares if I have a sore body for a few hours?”
“I care,” he promptly said, passing his thumb over her knuckles.
“Just, please?” She closed her eyes. “I feel safer knowing you have her.”
He squared his shoulders, “I get the baby and a few bags.”
“Cass-”
“It’s called a compromise. Thought you knew about those.”
Nesta grimaced and then stared for a long moment at the bags. “Fine, whatever.”
Cassian’s smile could have lit up the night.
***
“Babies shouldn’t be allowed on planes. It smells like shit in here! I can’t even breathe!”
Cassian had always considered himself a patient man, someone who could keep calm in a difficult situation and that managed to make people see reason.
Since Jamie was born, he had found living up to his beliefs difficult.
Sitting on his left, Nesta glared at the man only four rows in front of them, now standing and screaming nonsense at the flight attendants that were calmly telling him to take a seat as he was impeding the plane from taking off.
Cassian clenched his fists around the handles of his seat, taking a deep breath. The smell of poop hit him like a punch to the temple, and he grimaced.
The stranger was not wrong in saying it was hard to ignore the foul stench, both couldn’t deny that it was true. However, the man's attitude and entitlement was pissing Cassian off.
“I won’t sit down until you do something!”
Nesta shook her head and huffed.
“People are so fucking stupid sometimes,” she whispered. Cassian would have pointed out the swear word had he not been so focused on the argument happening just a few metres in front of them.
One of the flight attendants neared the man, talking with hushed tones. He couldn’t hear what was being said by the staff members, but every single person could hear the passenger’s words.
Cassian was on the verge of getting up and screaming at him to just fucking sit down, but then the man spoke up, “This is why animals travel in the hold, so we don't have to endure the smell of piss and shit for hours!”
“Oh hell, no.”
He didn’t have time to unbuckle his belt before something small and soft and really, really cute was placed on his lap. With rage boiling in his veins and the muscles in his arms twitching with the will to hit the stranger, Cassian forced himself to calm down. He circled his daughter’s body with a hand and pushed her back against his stomach, firmly securing her to him. He couldn’t look at her, even if her little hands were pulling at his fingers. He wouldn’t risk Jamie seeing the anger sizzling in his eyes and thinking it might be directed at her.
Cassian assumed Nesta had passed Jamie over as a diversion. A distraction meant to occupy Cassian from getting up and going for the man's head. It wouldn’t have been the first time his wife pulled something like this. The entirety of their friends and family knew the calming power Jamie held over her parents.
But surely, what he hadn’t imagined was Nesta slowly raising to her feet and fisting both hands by her sides, coughing to draw attention to her and calmly saying, “I swear to everything good on this planet that if you try and call my daughter an animal one more time, I’ll throw her poop at you. And-”
Cassian pulled her back with wide eyes before she could say something that might have them banned from the flying company for the rest of their lives.
One of the now three flight attendants rolled their eyes to the ceiling, muttering something that sounded like a prayer before looking at them both.
“Ma’am, please, let us handle this.”
Nesta’s lips tightened, and then she nodded, sitting down again and buckling her seatbelt.
Cassian was still staring at the love of his life when a loud snort escaped his control. Jamie threw her head back at the sound and hit him straight on his solar plexus, making him burst into breathless laughter. Nesta frowned and glared at him, and then she snorted as well. She brought a hand to her mouth and started laughing like a madwoman as she thought through what she’d just said.
“Oh my god, Nes.” Cassian chuckled, his eyes shining with love. “Did you just threaten to throw Jamie’s poop at a stranger?”
Nesta was still smiling, “I guess I did.”
He was about to rebut, but the man shouted something else.
An old woman across from them was shaking her head with such a confused expression that when Cassian turned and noticed her, he wanted to laugh again. The boy sitting next to her, who couldn’t have been older than twenty, was soundly sleeping.
He glanced around the plane and noticed that everybody was glaring at the man. Some were pinching their noses but were keeping silent. And even then, they weren’t staring daggers into him or his daughter. Everyone on that damned flight was pissed at the man.
“It would be so easy to let those two take the child to the toilet-”
“We’re following protocol, sir. Could you please-”
He interrupted the attendant again and Jamie shifted on his lap, making him look down at her. She was growing tired and uncomfortable. He couldn’t imagine sitting on your own shit for more than what was necessary was a pleasant activity.
It was driving him insane.
Cassian didn’t notice Nesta had turned in her seat and was whispering something to him, because he was focused on the man. It wasn’t until his wife closed her hand around his bicep that he dared pull his stare from the stranger and focused on her.
“Cass,” Nesta put her chin on his shoulder, talking directly in his face, “relax. You’ll be able to change her in a moment.”
He nodded and tilted his head, trying to crack his neck, “I’m calm.”
Nesta just hummed, and then they went back to look at the passenger.
He was flailing his arms in the air and was yelling at the pilot, who’d come out of the cabin to see what all the fuss was about. The pilot raised a hand in front of the man’s face and clenched her jaw, nailing him to his spot with just a deathly glare.
“What’s your name, sir?”
He frowned, shaking his head, “I- that’s not important. You have to do something about the smell.”
He sounded like a broken record.
The pilot nodded her head and curled her lips in a scary smile, “Your name, please.”
“Beron Vanserra.” He gritted out, his face turning red. “I don’t see why-”
“Perfect, Mr. Vanserra, I’m Nehemia Ytger, your pilot for this flight. I’ll give you two options now,” she started. “I’m sure you’re a smart man, so you will understand when I explain what will happen. First option, you sit back and buckle your belt. We take off and you wait not even fifteen minutes before we’re stable in the air so that the parents involved can go change their child’s diaper. You will keep quiet for this entire time and everything will be solved. Second option, I take this plane back to the layby and you get off it.”
Mr. Vanserra gaped like a fish.
“Your choice.”
He grumbled something under his voice and then he finally sat down.
The plane filled with cheers of triumph and howls.
It wasn’t even twenty minutes later that Cassian could get up, the seatbelt signs now off, and walk down the aisle towards the toilet, a mumbling Jamie chewing on his knuckles.
Nothing could have stopped him from slowing down his pace while passing next to Mr. Vanserra and whispering, “Dickhead.”
***
Rhysand had warned Cassian, sometime during Nesta’s third trimester, that he would stay up all night with the baby while she cried her lungs out as if someone was pulling her insides out. Cassian had scoffed that time, saying that was nothing new, that every soon-to-be parent knew their immediate future featured burps, shitty shirts and sleepless nights.
But Cassian still wasn’t prepared for those nights. Not really. Not when it felt like someone kept scratching at his chest. Digging until they reached the bone, cracked open his sternum and fisted his heart in a tight, imperishable squeeze. That they would feel like he couldn’t get enough air in. His daughter was in pain, and there was nothing Cassian could do to assuage her. It was the slowest and most painful torture one could endure.
Nobody had warned him about that.
Nesta was worriedly looking at him from her spot on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest as she bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something but holding back for both their mind’s sake.
Jamie wailed again in his arms, back arching in what Cassian could only describe as torment. Her face was twisted in agony and they knew there was very little they could do, apart from waiting for it to be over.
One of the things Cassian had loathed most since the beginning of Nesta's pregnancy was the unsolicited advice from people who thought they knew everything about their child's behaviour. As if he or his wife hadn't spent quite literally Jamie's entire life with her.
They both knew very well that there were no remedies for their baby's colic; only many attempts at what parents around the world had suggested could make babies calm down. But what could they do about something that not even doctors knew what caused it or how it could be treated?
Either way, Cassian was condemned to hear his daughter's agonising screams and atrocious wails, helpless in the face of an invincible enemy. It made him feel like the worst dad on the face of the earth.
“I don’t understand what might have set her off.” He said to Nesta, attempting to go through with the fourth step in the “Five S” strategy, something he’d seen on google. “She’s been fine for two whole days, I don’t…”
He trailed off and took a trembling breath. Jamie was pushing her legs out, stretching her arms wide like she wanted out of her own skin, so Cassian put the pacifier in her open mouth. Her tongue pushed it out with such force that he didn’t even try a second time, knowing it wouldn’t work.
“Cass.” Nesta called him.
He positioned his daughter across his forearm with her head resting in his hand. He’d read somewhere it was easiest to calm a crying baby when they were lying on their side or stomach. Jamie seemed to like the new arrangement even less, because she let out a shriek that could have shattered glass.
Cassian whined with her, looking up at the ceiling. “I know, baby, I know. I’m so sorry; I wish I could do something for you.”
“Hey, look at me.” Nesta’s voice was harsh, and he had no choice but to do as she ordered. She was now kneeling on the comforter of their way more-than-fancy hotel room. She reached out to him, making a come hither motion with her fingers, to indicate he passed over Jamie, “You’ve held her more than an hour now. Give her to me.”
He hesitated, briefly closed his eyes and stepped to the edge of the bed. But the moment he went to place her in Nesta’s arms, Jamie’s cries became impossibly sharper, and her hand tried to fist a shirt that was not there. He shook his head and straightened his back, bringing her closer to his naked chest.
“No, sorry. I can’t.”
“Cassian.” Nesta chastised.
“No,” he said again, “she-”
Nesta was visibly holding back, considering the time and the fact that they were both exhausted.
“She’ll be fine if you give her to me for a few minutes. Nothing will happen, and I can assure you she won’t feel like you’re abandoning her.”
But he would. It was a given fact that Jamie could calm down from a crying fit better in Cassian’s arms. They weren’t really sure why that was. Probably the fact he had been the one to console her every night for the first month, while Nesta tried to recover from a rough birth had something to do with it.
It wasn’t that Jamie couldn’t fall asleep in her mom’s arms, she did, but she always seemed to prefer Cassian when feeling upset.
So that was why, whenever Jamie cried and neither of them managed to soothe her, they both went insane.
“Give me our daughter and go to the bathroom for a few minutes. Now. I’m not even kidding, Cassian.” She got up from the bed and strolled to them, taking the baby gently from his arms and pushing him towards the only other room in the room they’d booked.
He swallowed loudly and tried to ignore Jamie’s whimpers and sobs as he entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Silence welcomed him, he could only hear some muffled cries from time to time. Cassian hadn’t realised just how much it was affecting him, but Nesta had. And that was why they were the perfect team.
He sat on the edge of the tub and counted to a hundred. Then to two hundred, until he got lost in his own head and was only staring at the tiles of the floor, trying to blink sleep out of his eyes.
When a particularly loud wail managed to reach him, he huffed, got up and started to fill up the sink with warm water for Jamie, something that had worked only a few times.
Once he deemed the sink full enough and prepared a warm towel on the side of it, he went back to the room and stopped in his tracks by the door, admiring his girls.
Nesta had her eyes closed, whispering something to Jamie’s ear, keeping her close to her chest with her head tilted down, towards their daughter’s. She cradled Jamie with both arms, trying to keep her warm while they swayed around the room.
The baby didn’t really seem to be listening, but her cries had died down to more of a hiccup, sobbing and only whining every other second, no more desperate for some kind of relief.
Cassian smiled at the picture, finally hearing what Nesta was murmuring.
“I love you, Mimi. So much.” She was talking so close to Jamie’s cheek that every word was a soft kiss on her rosy skin. “Momma loves you and dada does, too. And we would do anything if we could free you from this pain.”
When Cassian was close enough to touch her, he brushed a hand down Nesta’s spine, placing it on the small of her back. Nesta loosened against his chest, her shoulder pressing into him as she melted under his fingers. His other arm went around Jamie, who promptly looked up with watery, reddened eyes.
He stroked her cheek with a thumb and offered her a tired smile. Jamie only yawned, squeezing her eyes shut, making a few tears spill out, and munching on air afterwards.
If Cassian had to describe what cuteness overload felt like, he would describe this moment.
He left a kiss on Nesta’s temple before stepping back, pointing to the bathroom.
“I prepared her a bath.”
Nesta nodded and thanked him in a low whisper. Cassian helped Nesta undress Jamie and then kept a hand under the nape of her neck, helping her stay above the surface while his wife laid the baby in the water.
Jamie let go of a shuddering breath, and right after, a bubbly laugh erupted from her, making Cassian and Nesta relax against the sink. They played with her for a good thirty minutes, tickling her and carefully cleaning away her sweat and tears.
By the time they were in bed, Jamie soundly sleeping between them, it was well past four in the morning.
Nesta was sitting up against the headboard, stroking Cassian’s hair with one hand while the other was tracing patterns on Jamie’s belly. Cassian, instead, was drifting off to sleep as well, trying not to worry too much about what had gone down that night.
Just before he was dragged under, he heard Nesta whisper to him how much she loved them.
***
It was a nightmare.
His very own personal hell.
Jamie was asleep in his arms and seemed undisturbed by the screeching of the wagon wheels on the rails.
The underground brakes in Toronto, which they had initially thought would ease their movements between one tourist attraction and another, had proved to be the thing Cassian feared most.
Holding one arm firmly under Jamie's body, the other itched with the urge to move from Nesta's shoulders to his daughter. Talking to his wife was not an option to take his mind off things, because the noise was so loud they would have to shout to be heard by the other. And none of the people around them seemed to have noticed that he was holding a small grey fluffy bundle because no one had offered him their seat. Which made it quite difficult for him to keep his balance every time the underground braked and restarted.
Cassian just wanted to make sure Jamie kept sleeping.
When at one of the main stops half the car emptied, he was finally able to sit up and some of the tension that seemed to bind his shoulders in a press melted away. At least it did for ten seconds.
Then the train started up again. And the pounding with it.
Jamie twitched in his arms, chewing on the dummy Nesta had put in her mouth just before leaving the hotel, when she had still been awake.
Automatically, Cassian rearranged the baby so that one of her ears was pressed against his chest, and with the hand that wasn't holding her he went to cover her other ear, praying that the noise that showed no signs of abating would stop.
He had never felt so restless in his life, so stressed. Scared that the little one in his arms was not just sleeping, but had passed out from exhaustion.
It had been a week since they had arrived, and the previous evening they had been convinced they would be able to finish their holiday without any more colic after that first night during the first few days. They had been wrong.
Jamie had not stopped crying until five in the morning, starting at eleven from nowhere and stopping abruptly at dawn, falling asleep so fast that both parents had almost screamed with joy as they danced around the room, clutching each other in celebration of that small victory.
Now, after almost six full hours in which they had taken seven different subways and visited two of the main squares and a museum, and Jamie had shown no signs of life, Cassian was beginning to worry that something was wrong. He imagined it was expected, sleeping so soundly after consuming all energy in crying, but he couldn't help it.
When a group of teenagers climbed into their train, making far more of a commotion than necessary, Cassian felt the urge to yell at them to stop talking.
Nesta must have noticed something wasn't right, from the way Cassian's leg wouldn't stop bouncing and the nervous tics that seemed to have taken full control of his shoulders.
That was why the moment they found themselves outside the metro station, in the park where they had decided to relax that afternoon, she put her hand on his arm, silently ordering him to stop.
When Cassian turned towards her, Nesta's fingers slid down to his wrist and with a gentleness he had only before seen her use with her daughter, she forced his hand away from their daughter's head.
Cassian hadn't even noticed that he was still holding Jamie pressed against him.
The baby girl stretched, bending her head to the right and arching her back, looking for a new position after being forced into one for more than thirty minutes. Cassian moved as fast as he could without waking her to change arms, settling her in the niche of his elbow. Her little body relaxed again, her lips parted, releasing a relieved sigh, and the dummy fell onto her chest.
Despite the situation, despite the stress, Cassian smiled.
Nesta took the dummy, quickly slipping it into his jacket pocket.
“I think we should talk,” she murmured.
He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on Jamie. He lifted one shoulder slightly, “I don't think that's necessary.”
Nesta approached him, and, his body be damned, Cassian relaxed at the warmth her proximity brought. One of her hands reached out to his face, and when both of Nesta's hands cradled his cheeks, her thumbs brushing his brow, he was forced to shift his gaze to his wife.
"I'm worried about you."
And it was the pain, the veiled frustration Cassian heard in her voice, that made him shut his eyes in embarrassment.
Nesta tightened her grip and then her forehead pushed against his, their noses nuzzled together. Cassian leaned forward slightly, letting himself be lulled for once.
"I want you to talk to Dr. Towers when we get back," she continued, never stopping to rub his flushed cheeks. "And I want you to tell me now what's going on because I can't help you if you don't tell me what the issue is."
When Cassian spoke, his voice came out rougher than he would have liked, and he was grateful to have Jamie in his arms, serving as a shield between him and comfort he didn't think he deserved.
"It's fine. I'm just stressed about the holiday."
With their heads so close together, he could feel Nesta shaking hers in discord.
"No, love, it's not just the holiday."
They remained silent, listening to the chirping and laughter of the children in the distance and the barking of the dogs running in the meadows. One of Nesta's hands slid over his neck, moving into his hair, and his body twitched in shivers.
"You can talk to me, Cass," she reminded him. "I'm not here to make your life harder. We're a team, remember? If it becomes too much for you, you can... you have to tell me. I don't want it to get to this point."
"I-" he cleared his throat, clearing his thoughts as well, searching for the right words to describe what had been plaguing him for weeks and was peaking on this holiday of horrors. "I feel like I'm failing her. Like I'm not doing enough."
Nesta nodded, "I understand that, Cassian, much more than you can imagine."
At those words, he moved away from her, but not enough so that she was no longer touching him.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
That he had paid too much attention to himself? That he hadn't realised that Nesta was fighting her own demons alone, worried about making things even more difficult for him?
It wouldn't have been a surprise; after all, both of them were quite well known to be people who didn't actively seek help when they clearly needed it. But he never thought Nesta wouldn't trust him to the point of withholding that she was going through that same turmoil.
And then, as if they were connected by an invisible magic thread that allowed her to feel his emotions, a flash of anger passed over her face. "Don't give me that look. Like you haven't done the exact same thing for months now."
Cassian inhaled through his nose. Fair. He couldn't be angry with her. Not for this.
"And don't even try to feel bad because you didn't notice." In a teasing tone, she added, "You know I'm a pro at hiding my emotions."
"That doesn't mean you should feel obliged to do so so as not to give me any extra worries."
Nesta looked him in the eye at that point, a small smile blossoming on her lips.
"For once, I wanted to be the one to take care of you."
Cassian nodded and closed his eyes again, tilting his head back. And then, with the faintest voice he could muster with all those emotions clogging his throat, he whispered, “I love you.”
***
He would have rather been anywhere else on the planet.
Anywhere at all.
In the cone of an active volcano about to erupt.
At the bottom of the Mariana trench, being mauled by a killer squid.
At the top of a tree, with no way out, a grizzly bear climbing towards him, only two metres away from reaching him.
At that moment he would also have relived the grief and despair of his mother's death if it had meant even a moment's peace for his daughter.
The cry Jamie was gracing them with was a cry of anger. Discomfort. Pain.
Cassian had been insistently rocking her for two hours, stuck inside the airport because of the Hurricane of the Year, as the various news reports had dubbed it.
When only three hours ago the sky had been covered with clouds and the rain had started to fall, neither of the two newly parents would have imagined such mayhem. By the time they had finally realised the gravity of the situation and the airport staff had announced the cancellation of all flights, Cassian had been unable to find a single available hotel room.
He had begged the owners of houses, hostels, and dormitories to give them even just a bed, using the newborn-child card. At one point he had managed to find something, until he heard a family next to them say that the very hotel he had just spoken to had been overbooking. And that so many people had been forced to travel back, being held up outside the airport.
Security had stopped letting everyone in. Those few who had managed to get back in were only allowed if they still had someone inside the building.
It was utter chaos.
Cassian was growing increasingly frustrated by the minute and he was trying with all his might not to pay attention to the people complaining about the crying baby in his arms, but it was starting to become impossible.
Nesta was sitting on the ground, surrounded by all their things. She clutched her phone with a hand, pushing it against her ear and cupping her other to hear Feyre’s voice over the hustle around them. She was screaming something into the phone about the hurricane and about people’s rudeness.
He was about to go near her and kiss her, looking for some kind of comfort in such a bad moment, but someone touched his back and when he turned, a lady who couldn’t have been older than forty was frowning at him.
He hoped the stern face conveyed all the rage he knew he couldn’t put into words.
“I’m sorry,” the lady screamed, trying to be heard over the din. Jamie let out a strangled sob and then a wail, arching her back, screaming bloody murder. The lady grimaced and brought her hands to her temples. She turned her head, rolling her eyes in an annoyed expression and then whispered, probably thinking he couldn’t hear her. But her words reached Cassian loud and clear, “Just kill me already.”
When she looked back at him, she was wearing the attempt of a smile.
“I have to ask you to move. My family is trying to sleep and it’s kinda difficult to do so with your kid crying like that. So if you could just, you know…” she trailed off.
Cassian looked her up and down and frowned deeply. She wasn’t wearing the airport uniform and she had no tag indicating that she was working there to help with the damage the hurricane was causing.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” The bite in his voice was a clear invitation to leave him alone.
The woman looked taken aback for a moment, blinking rapidly at him, “I’m-” she looked over her shoulder and a man started walking their way.
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, he thought. He didn’t have time for this kind of shit.
When the woman’s husband reached them, he plastered the fakest smile Cassian had ever seen on his face and said, “Good evening, what’s the problem here?”
His lips twitched up, and then he clenched his jaw, trying to keep his calm, “I don’t know. I was just asking her wh-”
Jamie kicked out and hit a nerve in his bicep, making his entire arm spasm.
“Fuck,” he cursed, looking down at his daughter. She was silent for a second, her breath heavy as she panted and stared him right in the eyes, probably scared by that unusual outburst of rage. Guilt filled him to the brim and he tensed up even more when the crying took over again.
“You know, maybe you should-”
Cassian stopped listening. He had had about a couple of hundred people come up to him with solutions that didn’t work. He had thanked the first ones who had tried to help them out, even making small conversation, taking the time to explain Jamie just suffered from colic. Now, nearing midnight, he couldn’t have cared less about other people’s takes on his daughter's wellbeing.
He interrupted the man brusquely and turned his back on them, starting to walk towards Nesta as his entire demeanour changed, “I don’t care.”
Nesta was now standing, looking at him and then behind him and the couple who seemed stuck in their spots, their mouths hanging.
When her eyes went back to his, her lips parting to surely ask him how he was feeling, Cassian heard the man speak to his wife.
“What an asshole. He can’t make his own daughter stop crying and won’t even take advice.”
His heart clenched in his chest and his lungs spasmed, not letting enough air in. His steps faltered and the fight in him just disappeared, completely gone by the time he reached Nesta.
She stepped forward, ready to fight for him, but Cassian shook his head and whispered a weak “don’t” near her ear, leaving a soft kiss on her hair.
Nesta studied him as he sat on the floor, careful not to cause any more distress to Jamie. He cradled her body so that she was now somewhat laying on his thighs and when he bent his legs, bringing her much closer to his body, he also bowed his head down, covering her reddened face from the blinding lights of the airport.
Cassian had once heard someone say that what Jamie—or babies in general, he guessed—was feeling during these times was something him, as an adult, could not experience anymore. Grownups always have their emotions mellowed by several layers of other emotions and anticipation of the future, and can’t experience emotions of the same intensity, the podcast said. That Jamie’s discomfort could only be described as “shattering”, because that’s exactly what it does to a parent. All your instincts tell you to drop whatever you’re doing and fix whatever is wrong with your child. You are incapable of ignoring it, and even incapable of coherent thought that isn’t focused on the child.
Doctor Towers had warned him during the prenatal course. His never-ending questions had made her near him at the end of the course, telling him that he should be careful managing all those fears he was already showing during Nesta’s pregnancy. That nothing good could come from him thinking of himself as not enough before their daughter was even born.
But he had been on the edge of a cliff for the past month completely ignoring all the warning signs and the bells going off in his mind at any given time. This trip had only given him that slight brush on his back that made him tumble down the hill.
The first sob came as a surprise even to him and when the image of Jamie blurred with his own tears, Cassian looked up at Nesta, feeling a pang of fear rise in his chest like a tidal wave.
She was there in the blink of an eye, kneeling next to him.
“Hey. Hey, baby, listen to me.” She said, placing a hand near Jamie’s head, on his knee, and the other on the nape of his head. “You’re okay. Listen to my voice.”
Her arm went around his neck, her elbow just below his chin, and she pressed her palm against his ear, exactly as he’d done with Jamie on the metro. She pushed his head against her mouth and started talking directly into his ear.
Cassian closed his eyes, gripping the fabric of his jeans, focusing only on Nesta’s voice.
“This is temporary. We’re not stuck in this airport forever. Jamie will soon stop crying and she’ll be asleep by the time the flights will start again.” She was saying.
The hand that wasn’t acting as a shield between him and the loud noises of the building was brushing through his hair in a calming, soothing way. He leaned in that touch, basked in the comfort it was showering him with.
“It’s not your fault she’s crying and it’s normal you’re feeling overwhelmed. That man shouldn’t have said those things to you.”
He tried to inhale, but the pain was almost physical at this point. Nesta pressed her head even harder against his and her lips kissed the shell of his ear.
“I’m so sorry, baby, so sorry he said that. But it’s not true. You’re the best dad one could ever have and Jamie is so, so lucky to have you. I am. You’ve done so much for both me and her on this trip and you’ve tried enough. This is enough.”
It had to be.
Her thumb brushed the underside of his eye, swiping away the tears.
His panic was slowly subsiding and Nesta’s closeness was helping. An anchor to real life.
Cassian leaned into her, and for the first time in forever, he didn’t put up a fight when Nesta reached for Jamie and took her from his arms.
She positioned herself to sit between his legs, her back against his chest. Naturally, Cassian's arms folded around Nesta's hips and his hands found Jamie's back. He started massaging her tiny, tiny legs, hoping to ease some of her discomfort.
It was after hours and hours of torment and restless sleep in which they alternated keeping an eye on Jamie, that the baby finally stopped. She only managed a faint tired smile before passing out in her mom’s arms.
The cheers and screams of joy from all around them were like a featherlike brush at this point.
Nesta seemed on the verge of tears, and Cassian was close behind her.
“Fucking finally,” she said, placing Jamie in the egg sitting next to Cassian’s thigh.
He smirked, his eyes half closed and his mouth hanging in a yawn, “Fudging.”
Nesta elbowed him in the stomach and proceeded to lay down on the cold tiles. She rested her head on his lap and extended an arm to go over Jamie’s body, while Cassian slipped his arm above the egg’s backrest, intertwining his fingers with his wife’s.
“Do you wanna take turns?”
Nesta shook her head, already half asleep.
“I trust you. More than anyone else. Even myself.”
He squinted, holding back another yawn. He could hear the tiniest bit of irony in her voice, “You’re only saying that cause you’re dying to get some sleep, aren’t you?”
Her weary smile made his stomach twist. His hand instinctively reached out to brush her lips.
“Maybe,” she replied.
“You’re a menace.”
Keeping her eyes closed, she hummed, “You love me anyway.”
Cassian felt the moment she fell asleep, her body turning to jelly against his,and he couldn’t stop his words from coming out when, looking at her, he murmured, “That I do.”
acotar teglist (if you wanna be removed or added just send me an ask or dm me)
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