This year almost killed me.
Literally and figuratively.
This is the year I learned about sacrifices and suffering, of being left alone and having to make my dreams happen, whatever it takes.
I cannot say that it is clear to me as of why I had to go through everything I had gone through, and I cannot say that I am grateful of what it made me into, because honestly this year weakened me;
–beaten me up, left me bloodied and bruised, made me into something I never knew I would be, and made the voices in my head stronger than it ever was.
Although it has helped me opened my eyes in some ways and I cannot ever remove the feeling of gratefulness towards the circumstances surrounding it, nevertheless it changed me, and left me in a never ending loop of guilt and regret.
I’m hoping I would learn to forget things.
I’m hoping I would learn to forgive people, people who left my life years ago and left a void in me while growing up, and I was never the same since.
I’m hoping I would learn to forgive friends that turned into strangers and changed my view of loyalty and permanence.
I am hoping I would learn to forgive people who gave judgements, labelled and disrespected one another, I hope you learn to see the battles of other people and let it humble you and not listen to toxic, one sided stories.
But hope is mere wishful thinking, so I am leaving all of that to Faith, which, I learned is so much stronger.
This year I have put my faith back into the Lord and found my way into His home after being lost. Call me delusional, a fake, a fraud or whatever but I have found breakthrough by walking with faith. I found it is the only thing that could calm me, that could soothe my raging thoughts, that could shush my anxiety and it would hopefully be the only thing that could heal me. Not now and immediately, but gradually.
But before the year ended for me I am grateful to the things that turned around and happened.
To the people who gave me opportunities and endless chances, you do not know how much it has helped me and gave me direction to put my life back on track.
To old friends who I know are still there, I am here and I know you are all fighting. I love each one of you.
To new friends I have met, to people who proved that kindness exists without bounds, people who proves that the society still contains people who have huge hearts and pure souls, people without judgements and people who accepts friendship unknowingly, flaws and all. I love you.
To the person who picked me up this year during my darkest times, swam his way through my dark thoughts and rescued me, helped me end this year with a strong will and an open heart; thank you so much, for accepting me with my whole being despite every single thing that you knew, and it never drove you away. Thank you for never expecting me to be perfect, for letting me heal in my own way, and I am sorry for the sacrifices you have made and are forced to make. Thank you for providing, supporting and listening. I admire your strength and always remember that I will remain a best friend, a partner, your confidant, and your other half. I love you. (okay that was not supposed to be cheesy) 🤣
Happy New Year everyone and may this tiny bit of sharing serve as an inspiration that no matter how many times we fall, there are also countless ways to bounce back. We may not know what will happen next but let us learn to live in the present and worry about tomorrow after, we oftentimes take people for granted due to not being in the moment and forgetting that this is the only time we are living.
PS: To Law students reading this, best of luck to us with the upcoming semester.
