Never Willingly
Lucifer x Reader
Content warning: fluff, trauma, trust building, slow burn, fast proofread (please excuse the errors) Summary: Lucifer's comes to you for comfort after having a recurrent nightmare.
Word Count: 1515
A knock at your door quietly echoed across your room. Your heavy eyes, burning as your head lulled toward the door. “Come in.” you called softly, slowly forcing yourself to sit up.
The door creaked open and even in the darkness you know who it is. Lucifer’s pale skin is almost luminescent even in the almost total darkness of your quarters. “I didn’t wake you, right?” he whispered as the door clicked shut.
“You never do.” you let out a breathy laugh. As if your insomnia would really let you. He lingered near the door, his eyes still adjusting to the new level of darkness he had plunged himself into. “Another nightmare?”
He looked towards the direction of your voice and slowly started making his way over. “Yeah.” he mumbled, holding a hand out. The moment he was close enough you reach out, gently taking his hand in yours. He sighs softly, the tiniest amount of tension easing from his shoulders. He laughs pitifully at himself, “I’m sorry I pop in so often. I really should have gotten used to this by now.” He slides his foot forward finding the edge of the bed as you pull the covers back.
“I offered my company whenever you need it because nightmares aren’t something you can control. I can’t control my insomnia either so I’m up. It works out for both of us. Stop saying sorry.” you click your tongue as he climbs in next to you. This conversation almost a routine now. He nestled in as you dropped the covers over him. “How do you want to lay tonight?”
He hesitated a moment. “I… liked how we did it last time.” he mumbled.
“Okay.” You shuffled, propping up a few pillows behind you so you’re laying at almost a 30 degree angle. The spare blanket you have at the end of your bed suddenly yanked up and pulled over your shoulders before you grab another pillow and place it on your stomach and spread your legs. “Ready.”
He had patiently waited as you prepared and quickly scuttled between your legs the moment you gave the okay. He scooted down and laid on his stomach, his face finding the pillow as his arms wrapped around your waist. As soon as it seemed like he had settled, you gently pressed your legs into his body. You fixed the sheets before your own hands found their positions. One hand lightly resting on one of his arms and the other stroking his hair.
As you both laid there, you felt more of the tension ease from his body. “Did you want to talk about it?” you pry gently, curious but giving him an out.
“It’s… mostly the same stuff.” his arms around you tightened. “Lillith leaving. Charlie following after her. Me being left alone. Being hunted by angels and demons.”
Your fingers splayed out as you started to massage his scalp. He hummed, leaning up towards your hand. “This time you were hunting me too.”
Your hand stopped a moment before you started the motion back up. “Oh Lucifer… is that what you think of me?” you asked, attempting a bit of dry humor already knowing he didn’t.
“No!” he gasped, pulling away to sit up. The panic evident in his voice. “No. I wouldn’t be here right now if I did.”
“Fuck. Sorry,” you whispered, attempting damage control, “I shouldn’t have done that. I was just trying to play a bit to lighten the mood. Not the right time for that.”
You reach out to cup his face, thumb lightly caressing his cheek. “Awful time for that.” he scoffed leaning into your hand. Slowly easing back into the pillow. Your hands finding his shoulders, lightly beginning to message them over his pjs.
“I’m sorry.” you say again, digging into his muscles a little harder. “If you still want to talk about it I do want to hear it. I won’t make anymore jokes.”
You could tell he was pouting even through the silence. You smiled into the darkness, letting your fingers work their magic. You close your heavy eyes. “If you want me to do something different with my hands by the way just let me know.”
“That’s…what she said?” he asked slowly, trying his hand at the aged joke he heard from who knows where, causing you to roll your closed eyes.
“Stick to dad jokes.” you laugh out at his attempt.
“Hey, it still got a laugh.”
You hum in response, shaking your head at the fact that he wasn’t wrong but it wasn’t a laugh for the right reason. Your hands continue working, moving out towards his biceps before slowly sliding down towards his shoulder blades. You feel his hands lightly slid up under your shirt, his thumbs caressing the skin of your sides.
“Can you… run your fingers through my hair? Like you were before…?”
You do as he asked. Your hands slowly easing out of the message before both hands trailed up his back and into his hair. Lightly raking their way from the base of his skull upwards and slowly back down. Shifting them occasionally to ensure you were covering his entire scalp. You continued doing that for awhile. You could hear his breathing slow. His thumbs had stopped tracing their arched pathway coming to a stop resting against your skin.
“I didn’t realize it at first.” he muttered, slightly surprising you. You had started to think he had drifted off. “That you were one of the ones hunting me.”
You opened your eyes to look down at the silhouette of him, your hands unfaltering.
“You had a smile on your face. I was running towards you, knowing there were angels chasing me, thinking you would help me when you suddenly threw an angelic spear at me.” his fingers twitched. “It caught one of my wings. Then you…poof.” he pressed his fingertips against your sides and did a popping motion. You heard him swallow hard pausing. As he continued, he started choking out words. “Dis-disappeared. Just… just like Lilith. Just like-e… Charlie.”
He forced his hands between you and then bed, pulling you tightly into an embrace. Your fingers religiously continuing their mission. His breathing jagged. You continue to caress him attempting to ground him physically.
He started pitifully laughing, his grip remaining tight. “Sorry…”
“Don’t.” you say quickly. Sternly. One hand moving to lightly caress his face with feather light fingertips as the other continued running through his hair. “You’ve been through a fuck ton of wild shit. I’m here to help support you through these dreams. To remind you I’m here…that Charlie’s here. You aren’t a burden for wanting or needing this and I don’t think of you as one. You don’t need to say sorry.”
Lucifer snuggling into the pillow, his grip on you unrelenting. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you.” you reply as a smile tugged at your lips. You held back adding on a playful ‘my king’ to the end. You didn’t need to be the ass of another moment.
The hand that had been caressing his face moved back to his hair, sliding into the rhythm with ease. Your eyes slowly closing again, your focus going to the motion and sensation of his hair in your hands. As time lulled on, you half expected him to start talking again. Surprise you by being awake one more time. His breathing was slow and consistent. His body had started to twitch here and there as it relaxed into deeper unconsciousness. All you needed to confirm he had actually fallen asleep.
Your mind ran through how he described his dream. Thinking about how he had dreamed of you turning against him and disappearing. You wondered if he worried about you being redeemed -if it was even possible- and that was why you turned against him before disappearing. Slung an angelic spear at him. You had never directly talked with him about you being redeemed but, you had voiced your skepticism on if it was even possible which he had echoed.
What if it was actually possible?
Sure, you were at the hotel to be redeemed. You hadn’t ever believed it was possible but figured, what the hell. It couldn’t hurt to be better. What did you have to lose? In the process though you had found a community unlike any other. A community that was supportive in their own sometimes twisted ways. All still trying to be a little better in the ways they could. Some inadvertently being better for someone else or even second hand from Charlie. You enjoyed being with them. Celebrating their successes and milestones. Motivating them to do better and challenging them when they could have been and chose not to. Having them challenge you in return.
Being redeemed would mean leaving it all behind though. The community. The purpose. The friends. Charlie and Lucifer.
“The grass isn’t always greener, Luc.” you whisper, knowing you were risking him being awake or waking him up. You were willing to gamble it though. “I’m not going anywhere willingly.”
