#nevergoingtobe

[suzerz]

"And sometimes when we balance back and we do it, we don't know how we did it, we just do it." #PieceofMind #Kehlani #TimeisoftheEssence #DoitforYourself #FallingintoPlace #NotPerfect #NeverGoingtobe

[thelastsparkofrae]

Fuck.

Even after everything you don't care, she's still more important. Stop telling me I'm good enough just to watch me cry...

[satanic-panic666]

I've given up!!

I've given up on my hopes of ever singing a solo, every dream I held of singing solo had been crushed and after at least four times this year I've tried out for a solo and hadn't landed single one. I hate my teacher, I hate every person who got a goddamn solo, and I now hate myself for being a failure and not being good enough, because no matter what I'll never be good enough. Not even for myself.

[miss-char-day-dreamer]

Never going to be perfect..

I’m not perfect. & as much as I’d love to be, it will never ever happen. I’ll always be working on something, or aiming towards a target which sometimes I’ll set so high, it’s impossible to reach. Unfortunately for me, I’m not the girl who looks beautiful in every picture taken, or wakes up flawless. I have to apply make-up before I get anywhere near presentable!! I eat way too much bad food & always promise myself I’ll start eating better come Monday… Gets to Wednesday & I’m digging into a chocolate brownie! Ha! I always think, “oh if I lose a couple of stone, some decent guy will actually want to date me.” But I’m just playing a fool, because I don’t give decent guys a chance anyway, I stupidly go for the bad guys who just aren’t good news.

It takes a lot of effort & practise for me to perfect something, & I don’t get things right first time.. As much as I hope to. With exams or tests I literally have to study like crazy; more so than anyone else because I just can’t take in useful information. Sometimes I’m not positive, all I can think about is the bad things, as much as I don’t want to. I’ll worry & panic over things I can’t solve, as much as I hope or try to. I cry, I’m emotional. Oh god, I’m a cry-baby! I wear my heart on my sleeve & love instantly despite the fact I don’t trust easily. Catch 22 eh? I over-think way too much & plan ahead on things that don’t really need planning! I plan as much as I dream, & I dream big! I have this perfect dream of success, & I hope to get there, but where do I start? & in the meanwhile? I don’t speak with a wide range of variety like other perfect girls do, I repeat the same word over if I can’t think of another word to use. & it’s annoying.

I’m not fashionable. I stick to jeans & jumpers or leggings & blouses.. How creative not! Ha. Just like I am with clothes, I hope to become more adventurous & do things which are cool & different. But when I plan to do something, I become lazy & would rather lounge around all day.

I guess I’m never going to be this perfect “role model” who speaks fluently, & dresses with style, or has perfect hair when she wakes up. But as time goes on I don’t want to be that girl, a role model is someone who tries, not someone who is perfect. Those perfect girls are fake, & that is the last thing I ever want to be. What I’m trying to say is, I hope one day I, classed as a role model for embracing my flaws, not for being perfect.