She isn’t sure what it is that spurs this interaction but from what she can tell it is madness, or it is something like it. She’s working from home today but she can’t quite focus and she’s restless, restless, restless. She can’t stop moving, cant stop BUZZING, can’t stop, can’t stop. F eels breathless, feels like this is too much to deal with. There’s so much-- all the time, so much constantly happening at once.
And then she finds herself touching Jessica, and she finds herself gently pressing her lips to hers, and it feels right, and it feels calm. It feels like something that makes it easier to breathe-- because the buzzing quiets down, and it silences, and it dulls into the background. The static feeling in her hands goes away and the white noise shrinks. It feels like it’s all so much smaller and she’s real again.
She murmurs it in spite of herself, the silence of her murmur, the quiet little way she whispers and she stays in hands she knows could crush her but they won’t, don’t, somehow may not or haven’t. She presses against again and she brushes a nose, breathless-- kisses again, the tenderest little motion. How soft it is, really, this pillow of a thing. She can barely breathe in it-- it’s too much soft, all this repeated warmth, a circle, a circle of warmth. She finds it’s hard to breathe for a minute.
She doesn’t know. The scratchy desperation is scrambling at her insides like a dog asking to be let out, and the breath is hard, now, because she needs to fill the void, the frenetic confusion with something, and in her experience she can fill it here, now, like this, with this.