adolin half teasing kaladin while out for drinks sometime in Urithiru: you know your feats on the shattered plains aren't quite as impressive now that I've seen more of your magic glowing powers thing.
Kalidan: hm
Adolin: knew there was something weird about you. Ha. I mean i was amazed at the time, but surviving the fall from that bridge sabotage isn't really anything now that I've seen-
Kalidan: actually I didn't have my powers for that part
Adolin: what
Shallan: it's true he didn't
Kalidan: Lost syl right after prison, I got maybe a chip of stormlight while falling , just enough to not die, no powers the rest of the time
Adolin: how
Kalidan: I already explained the whole - with elhokar and moash -
Adolin: no, i mean, the highstorm -
Kaladin: yeah that was shallan
Shallan: shardblade cubby cut out part way up the wall
Adolin: and the chasm fiend? It really was already dead -
Shallan: no very much alive, very much tried to kill us
Adolin: and you-
Shallan: no that was kaladin
Adolin: what
Kaladin: I mean you did distract it, and I wouldn't have been able to do anything without your pattern blade
Adolin: you killed a chasm fiend. Without special powers.
Kaladin: I mean shallan-
Shallan: he jumped right in its mouth!
Adolin: i - you killed a chasm fiend. Without any other fighters. By yourself. Without radiant powers. You're - you're sure? No special abilities?
Kaladin: it was a pretty painful time, yes I'm sure. Did some spear katas. Noticeable difference without the bond with syl.
Adolin: you fought the chasm fiend. handicapped.
Kaladin: I guess? I dont know if it's handicapped considering, you know, most people don't ever breathe stormlight.
Adolin: you killed a chasm fiend singlehandedly. Without shardplate. And without any powers.
Guy who grew up raised by unlikely found family visiting girlfriends house for the first time: but... who's the sneaky one?
Girlfriend: the what
Guy: you know, the family member who helps you get into places. secretly.
Girlfriend: sweetheart, again. I have cousins. They are here because they are genetically related to me or romantically involved with someone related to me. They offer no specific utility to the group.
Guy: babe, please —
Girlfriend: sorry, they were not initially brought on for their utility to the group, only to be later valued for their personhood and emotional connection to others, even in moments where they were unable to perform their assigned role.
Guy: Thank you
Girlfriend: which means no sneaky one
Guy: right, right.
Gotta figure that at least 50% of those spidermans were very delibrately not putting their all into the big chase scene, bare minimum 10% actively sabotaging. like oh no we're on a train to the moon, guess we're stuck and can't go after him anymore.
Please.
Running in a pack, big crowd of the chattiest superheros to ever live (and theres a lot of chatty fucking superheroes), several dozen of them with front row seats to the big reveal-
"so why are we after this kid?" "He wants to stop one of his canon events" "his canon events?" "a canon event." "You mean-" "Wait what did she say, we're chasing this guy because he wants to keep his girlfriend from falling to her death?" "Uh. Not sure. Might be the childhood friend - watch your heads - turning evil thing." "I thought those were fixed points? Like you couldn't stop them no matter how much you time traveled back?" "There he is!" "Wait you have time travel?" "No but I heard the spider from earth 1116a-" "Wait if it's fixed then what's the harm in letting him try" "come on you know the multiverse-" "he's trying to keep his boyfriend from dying? Why the fuck are we chasing him?" "Well miguel said-" "you mean Grimdark angsty spiderman?" "Huh?" "No, not you, vampire - incoming, mind your legs - vampire grimdark angsty spiderman-" "oh, him. Isn't he a bit-" "I feel like the trying is what matters, i mean even if he fails-" "so he is a vampire!" "ummm yeah no hold up im not totally comfortable with this whole-" "who's trying to do what? Ooh, got line of sight on him, he's totally webbed in 3,2, AaAghh" "Oh shoot, haha I must have tripped on Spider-Banana-Man whoops, sorry -" "ugh whattever, lost the shot anyway" "Cant believe Spider-Rex boffed it like that, theyre usually great at ambush-" "I heard his uncle-" "No his dad-" "oof, thats-" "Wow is it just me or are we really tripping over each other today" "Hey do you know why we're chasing after this-"
sure there's a numbering system but most versions of earth have some sort of gimmick that can be used to identify them by. Like yeah let's meet in au 8732.8 (everyone just says crystal telepathy world) there's this place with the BEST fish tacos. You've got a buddy from a superhero planet (you get why they left. Cool place to visit, Awful to live) and another from crazy hat planet (as far as she's concerned everyone else is from boring hat universes and she's the normal one). You always knew you were from one of the boring mundane universes but weren't really sure which one because you sort of fell into the whole reality hopping courier business (long story) after accidentally killing a reality hopping courier in your backyard (ok not a long story. It's just Santa Claus movie rules but its embarrassing to explain it that way). Eventually you have to fill out some paperwork requiring your home address and find out your universe DOES have a schtick, it's one of the magic talking animal planets. This doesn't faze you too much because you figure its about parrots, and this is going to be your 'crazy hats are normal'. "Oh sick!" Your friend says excitedly, looking at the paperwork. "You never mentioned you're from talking dog conspiracy world!" so you go home and get in a whole blowout argument with your family pet and also your parents but thats a whole nother story so yeah kindof roundabout way to find out about the dog thing
"So you're essentially an expert on honor, right?"
Kaladin blinked at Shallan, unsure what to make of the question. The three of them had finished eating, and had moved to a smaller, shared table for drinks, secluded from the rest of the building by a hazy curtain. The conversation had been drifting lazily from the city's latest scandals to squire hijinks.
"What?" Kaladin finally said, slightly confused at the abrupt change of topic.
"Of course you are, you're the first person chosen by an honorspren in thousands of years!" Adolin said enthusiastically.
"I mean—"
"And you always figure out the right thing to do!" Shallan said.
"That's definitely not—"
Adolin nodded. "Never murder anyone in cold blood, even when they deserve it."
Kaladin sighed heavily. "Where are you two going with this?"
Shallan coughed into her freehand. "Well, you see, we've been having a little debate about...honor."
"And we were hoping you could settle it. Impartially," Adolin said, tone serious.
Kaladin squinted at him. There was something off about his expression. "Can't you ask Syl?"
Syl was meeting with some of the honorspren with newer bonds tonight; she had insisted that she could handle it on her own, and that he should take the night off, but he was sure she would be happy to switch places to come by and give her opinion on other people's business; that was practically a hobby for her. He wasn't sure sure where pattern was, come to think of it; he hadn't heard him buzz in a while.
"Actually we did!" Shallan said brightly.
"She was our first choice, no offense," Adolin said. "I don't think she entirely understood the dilemma."
"It's a bit too, well, human." Shallan took a large sip of her wine, emptying the glass, but didn't waive over a server for more.
Kaladin felt dread start to coil low in his stomach, the fragile relaxation of the evening starting to slip away. "...I'm going to regret hearing about this, aren't I?"
Adolin leaned towards him, turning wide, pleading eyes his direction. "Please, Kaladin?"
Shallan matched him. Stormfather. Not so long ago ago, lighteyes looking at him like that would have filled him with derision at most. What had happened to him.
"Fine." Kaladin leaned back in his seat, giving in. He was a little curious, even though he knew he wasn't going to be happy with whatever he was about to hear. "What is it?"
Shallan straightened, as if to give a presentation before the Queen. Storms, I have a really bad feeling about this.
"Well, as you know, I'm a lightweaver, and can change mine or someone else's appearance, such that they exactly resemble another. I can also create an illusion, so that it appears that an individual is present, when in fact, they are not."
"...Yes?" Was Shallan nervous? Adolin didn't kill another highprince, did he?
"Now, obviously, practicing lightweaving by pretending to be someone else, when done entirely in private, I mean just me, myself, and I, practicing my radiant abilities, can't possibly be dishonorable."
"I guess?"
Adolin leaned forward now, one hand gesturing sharply. "But what if I'm there? I mean, no ones suggesting that it would be acceptable for Shallan to assume a specific private individual's form in public."
"Unless it's to save lives," Shallan said.
Adolin nodded. "Unless of course it's to save lives."
"Or as part of my crown assigned radiant duties."
"Or that, can't forget to mention that."
"Or with said individual's consent."
"Naturally, consent makes all the difference."
"Quite a few shades of grey."
"Truly, once you think about it. Infinite nuance."
Kaladin pinched the bridge of his nose, scowling to keep from laughing. "Did you rehearse this?"
Shallan waved her hand in his face, forestalling any other objections. "In any case! Would we be disrespecting an individual, let's call this person 'Lin' for short, would we be behaving dishonorably towards Lin, were I to assume Lin's form, or have Adolin assume Lin's form, or have Lin appear while both of us are present, soley within the privacy of our chambers?"
Kaladin waited a few seconds for Adolin to chime in, but he just continued staring intently at Kaladin.
"...This is about Lyn?"
"No, not Lyn, Lin," Shallan corrected primly. He could just barely make out a difference. "Neutral born unto. Just, we don't want to say her — say their name specifically, but I thought saying 'the individual' would get unwieldy."
Ok, probably not about Lyn. Unless they're using a confusing fake name to make me think that. He started to feel a throbbing at the base of his skull.
"Is there some specific reason you want to look like... Lin?" He dropped his voice slightly, rubbing his temples. "Is it for a practical reason? Or do you want to make fun of her — them?"
"Definitely not to make fun of them!" Adolin said, voice dropping to match Kaladin's.
"Many people would consider it flattering," Shallan whispered. "For their form to be assumed in this specific context!"
"We're just not certain if Lin would think that, and we're worried that it would be worse to ask."
"So we decided to ask you instead, since again, you're —"
Kaladin waved a hand at her before they could jump into another bizarre routine. "Honorable, yes, whatever, fine. I get it."
Adolin put a hand on his arm, expression earnest. "Look. If you think we should just directly talk to Lin then we'll do it. We just...don't want to embarrass them, or hurt their feelings in someway. We genuinely aren't sure how they would react, and I mean. You don't have to ask someone's permission for thinking about them, but this is a step up from that, and it's not like there's many people who have had the option, so...hence the uncertainty, and asking for a neutral, completely unconnected, third party opinion."
"Alright, I...guess that makes sense? In an extremely weird way." Kaladin looked between the two of them. Shallan's expression was open and honest, but unfortunately that didn't mean much. Adolin was earnest, but there was something weird about his posture. Guilty? Excited? "But why do you want to see a lightweaving of Lin in private so much?"
Shallan pretended to take a sip out of her empty glass. "I assume you can guess, bridgeboy. Is it really necessary for us to say it aloud?" She had just a hint of red staining the tops of ears, but she colored easily. It could just be the alcohol.
"I really don't know," Kaladin said, baffled. "Is this a lighteyes thing? Like you want to, I don't know...model fashion on them?"
"Ooh." Adolin suddenly looked far too eager. "That's actually not what we were thinking."
"I didn't think it was a lighteyes thing," Shallan said. "But I suppose it could be. I don't have a significant enough sample size to presume." That was clearly a joke there that Kaladin didn't get.
Adolin cleared his throat. "Well." He made another sharp motion with his hands, letting Kaladin go. "As you know, Shallan and I are married."
"Yes, I was at your wedding," Kaladin said dryly.
"We are married," Adolin repeated, talking over him. "And that comes with certain... duties and privileges."
"Among which—" Shallan was definitely blushing now. "—and I suppose this could be considered an, ah, 'lighteyes thing,' is well. The need to create an heir."
They can't possibly be asking me this. Kaladin looked desperately to Adolin, but the man just gave him a sheepish, apologetic grin.
A small part of Kaladin curled up and died.
Blood Of My Fathers.
"No," Kaladin said. "Absolutely not. You are not asking me about something to do with your sex lives."
"You see," Adolin said. "I know you've said you don't have interest in, well, any of that. But for many the process of creating an heir is not just—"
"ARGH." Kaladin threw his arms up, crossing them over his head.
"— a responsibility but a pleasure which—"
"Almighty's Tenth name!"
"—can be performed creatively—"
Kaladin pressed his head to the table, burying himself in his arms to hide his too warm face and probably disgusted expression.
"Stop. Please. Stop." He knew he was whining in a way ill befitting a Windrunner of his Ideal, but the booth they were in was private, and Adolin and Shallan had seen him in far less dignified circumstances.
"Sorry," Adolin said, patting him on the shoulder. "Just wanted to make sure you understood."
"Well I don't!" Kaladin said, looking up but not lifting his chin from his arms. "And I don't storming want to! Why can't you just look like yourselves! I thought you liked how each other looked! I've literally caught you drooling!"
Adolin frowned. "I don't drool, bridgeboy."
Shallan's face was nearly as red as his face felt, but her expression was significantly more gleeful. "I…there may have been one sparring session I observed…that may have generated a small amount of moisture."
Adolin cocked an eyebrow, and smirked. "Moisture, huh?"
"I hate you two," Kaladin lied emphatically.
"Sorry, Sorry." Adolin patted him on the shoulder again. "So? What do you think?"
"I think Rlain is right and its a storming miracle humans have managed to accomplish anything when most of us are permanently stuck in mateform."
Adolin heaved a dramatic sigh. "About our question, Kal, come on. We know you don't like talking about this stuff but that's exactly why we needed your opinion! You're unbiased!"
"And honorable, yes you said. Have I mentioned before that the rewards for being honorable blow?"
They turned twin pleading expressions toward him and he caved immediately. Storms, he had gotten weak. "Battar and Shallash, fine," he snapped. "Fine, give me a minute, alright. Just stop talking. "
The two waited, Shallan only opening her mouth to make a joke twice, Adolin successfully nudgeing her quiet each time; Kaladin lifted himself up, elbows on the table and head in his hands as he looked down, forcing himself to actually give it serious consideration. Wait, I thought Veil was the one who was attracted to women. Oh. Right.
"Alright," he finally said. "I get that people can't always help what they...think about. That's fine. And I also know that trying not to think about something sometimes makes people think about it more, so."
Adolin and Shallan nodded. "You have no idea," Adolin said. "Seriously, I love Shallan, I've absolutely tried not looking at other women's — anyway. It's so much easier to just forgive eachother the occasional wayward glance or errant thought." They squeezed each others hands.
Kaladin sighed. "Right. Sorry if I came off as judgemental."
"No, no, you've made it very clear that you don't like talking about such things, it's completely reasonable to be unhappy. We are sorry for the times we...overshare in front of you."
"It's fine," Kaladin said curtly. "Really. I know you try. Anyway. I also understand that people sometimes, er, fantasize. That way. About things or people they don't actually want in real life. And. Uh. Sometimes people... act that out."
Kaladin stared determinedly at the table, face hot. There was a swirling pattern in the marble that he hadn't noticed before.
"You do?" Adolin said, sounding surprised.
Kaladin coughed. The swirling pattern kind of looked like a river, viewed from above. "There. Might have been an incident, early on in the army, when I heard a couple and, er, overreacted slightly. They took the time to explain things in... painful detail. It's fine. None of my business."
"That's. Very open minded of you," Shallan said, sounding slightly strangled. "Tell me, when the couple was explaining things — oof." Kaladin didn't look, but he was fairly sure Adolin just stepped on her foot, something he was infinitely grateful for. It had been an extremely mortifying lesson. The pair had said they weren't mad about being interrupted, but he was fairly sure they were lying, considering how much detail they went into in their explanation.
"Honestly, the whole...dressing weird, or calling eachother names or using ropes or whatever—"
Adolin made a choking noise. Kaladin kept looking at the little river pattern in the table. If he squinted there were mountains and farms too.
"—all that stuff isn't more or less...unappealing. To think about. Then just regular sex." Kaladin paused. "That is not permission to talk about that sort of thing with me. Please don't share anything about your sex life with me, ok?"
"Of course!"
"We know."
"So," Kaladin continued, rubbing his cheeks to try and get rid of the blush. "Wanting someone isn't breaking your vows. Neither is thinking about them. Probably talking about them is fine too."
He ran his finger along the small river in the polished stone. He could practically feel two sets of light eyes drilling a hole in him.
"My concern, of course, would be for Lin. If playing around with their image would affect the real person. My main concern is it will impact the way you two interact with them."
"If we thought it did then we'd stop immediately," Adolin swore without prompting. "The real person matters far more than our...baser feelings."
"Absolutely," Shallan agreed softly. "We truly don't want to hurt them. That's why we've been struggling with this."
"I believe you," Kaladin said, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Alright, so you've already been...thinking about them, while together, and it hasn't impacted your interactions with the real person."
"No!"
"Trying not to think of them that way was worse," Adolin said ruefully. "I am...fairly sure they have not noticed any feelings on my part, and even if they had they've ignored them very politely so...like I said, if messing with lightweaveing changes that, we'll stop right away, but I don't think it will. We know who they are."
Kaladin studied the marble some more. He was pretty sure he had flown over somewhere in Alethkar that looked a bit like that riverbend, but he couldn't remember where.
"You cannot do this anywhere someone could possibly see or overhear," Kaladin said, looking up to make brief, serious eye contact with each of them. "Not visiting another city. Not where guards or servants could overhear, even trusted ones. Not in the duelist preparation chamber — yes I know about that. Not while exploring the less used parts of the city — yes, I heard about that too. Not in your sitting room or against the door, where someone passing by could overhear. Just in your own bedchamber, door locked."
"That sounds reasonable," Shallan said, flushing but solemn.
Kaladin grimaced, looking back down at the table. "I think...while part of me says you should ask Lin directly...that also sounds somewhat humiliating for everyone involved. I mean, again, it's more similar to thinking about someone than anyone else, and even if they were, er, flattered... It's not like you would actually be able to sleep together anyway, with your marriage oaths, so it would be a moot point."
"...Right," Adolin said unconvincingly. Kaladin decided not to think about that.
"So... it's alright?" Shallan said hopefully. "With those conditions? Not dishonorable?"
Kaladin forced himself to look up again, and immediately regretted it. They both looked far too eager.
"Not dishonorable," he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back.
"Thank you!" Adolin said, with way too much passion.
"Thank me by never speaking to me of this again, and never asking me anything like this for the rest of our lives."
"Yes to the first one, no promises to the second," Shallan said gleefully. "Well. Now that we've discussed that matter, how about we get back to talking about—"
"Leave. For the love of all that is good, please leave," Kaladin begged, not opening his eyes. Shallan took advantage of this by kissing him lightly on the cheek. Adolin hugged him from the other side.
There was the sound of spheres tossed on the table and rapid movements, and then they were gone.
Kaladin opened his eyes, shaking his head. One of them had knocked over a glass in their haste to leave. They had, of course, left a small fortune to pay the bill.
He left the winehouse feeling...bemused mostly. Maybe he'd go find Rlain and they could gripe about humans and mateforms together. He would probably not make eye contact for Lyn for the next week, even though he was fairly sure they were talking about Isnah or Beryl. Best not to guess. He kicked off from the ground, the rush of wind immediately clearing away discomforting thoughts or lingering stress of the day.
He smiled, speeding up and feeling his heart race with the exhilaration that only the sky could bring, with no pressing meetings or appointments to get to. Syl had been right. It was good to take a night off every now and again.
"Fornication," Wit whispered, staring with haunted eyes at nothing. "That's not Rayse at all. He stole - that reproducing bastard. He stole my breaths."
The rage in the generally amicable man's voice was enough to dissuade Kaladin from asking about the bizarre word choice.
Shallan, evidently, did not have that problem.
"Fornication?" she repeated incredulously.
"It's a curse word," Wit said through gritted teeth. "Used to be common, but it's fallen out of favor among shardplanets the last several thousand years for some stupid CHILD CREATING reason."
Wit snarled, pacing the tent furiously.
"Which is a real PLEASURABLE PHYSICAL INTERACTION shame because now i sound really copulatingly stupid swearing with connection based direct translations, but cursing by 'Gods' or the dead or the weather or whatever intense intimacy else this vigorous impregnation planet swears by is NOT as satisfying when i am this LOVEMAKINGLY angry."
Wit kicked a chair, which flew with shocking force, tearing a hole in sturdy canvas siding. He stared at the tear, exhausted, then collapsed, arms wrapping around himself.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to Jasnah, who was approaching cautiously, in full Armour. "I shouldn't have done that. I generally don't have enough of a temper to lose it like that, but...gender neutral attempt at babies. He stole my breaths. I don't even know how much I lost...it will take decades to do an inventory, and even then...there's important secrets I vowed to protect. Lost people I swore to remember. Oaths I can't even properly remember making anymore, but I have to - I..."
Jasnah knelt down, taking Wit in her arms as he wept softly.
"And I can't even coitally curse right anymore," he sobbed.
List will be updated with links if/when AUs develop
For my Star Wars AU Masterlist: Please See Here
As always, people are more than welcome to play with any of these ideas! just please link back to me so I can see! Seriously if you want to write stuff in any form with ideas from any of these aus I will love you forever!
1 to 20: Words of Radiance AUS
21 to 30: Non Words of Radiance AUs (note: these might also be WOR AUs)
31 to 40: Post Winds and Truth Wild Speculation (that may or may not also be a WOR AU)
1 to 20 Words of Radiance AUS
2. High oath Hesina willshaper aus. This is actually many many AUs because the "Mom??" Reveal is great in all contexts. Concept, WOK Era Outline, Brief Fanfic, Art , Early WOR Outline
3. Renarin asks Kaladin for help with radiant stuff during WOR. Secret training. Everyone thinks they're fucking. Chapter 1 and Outline/Meta
4. Elhokar drunk orders kaladin to bedchambers, begs for help keeping away nighmare creatures. Kaladin nearly kills him before scary spren realization, then goes into serious radiant mode when syl gets concerned. Everyone thinks they're fucking. [Note: I might be too easily entertained by this trope]. Kaladin is deeply pained by this but also has people saving thing and really doesnt want to reveal the radiance to the whole camp. Earlier third oath. Eventual fucking optional.
5. Crack. AUs 3, 4, and 9 at same time so people just think Kaladin is the Kholin Rhysadium. Bridge 4 offers government overthrow if he's being pressured. kaladin assures them that's not it. Now people keep trying to high five him. Kaladin with head in hands while Moash snarks over his shoulder "you know when i said fuck the lighteyed i didn't —" Kaladin definitely asexual in this one.
6. Hesina and lirin come to shattered planes, shocked/thrilled/emotional to find kaladin. Bridge 4 desperately trying to get approval of [bugs bunny meme our] parents. Lirin reluctantly adopting renarin who wants to learn about healing now for some reason. Blackthorn surgeon mutual loathing/ jealousy son swap hilarity. Lirin is having a time.
7. Kaladin wasn’t on guard duty the night of szeth arrival. Still warned by syl about assassin, but has to dead sprint while glowing to get across camp fast enough, soft reveal to anyone outside. Only barely figures out wall running on the way over to crash in window just in time. Szeth freaks out and runs away after very short, mildly anticlimactic interaction. And now Kaladin has to deal with Everyone.
8. Kaladin further along in powers during initial szeth fight. Battle of champions degrading to slap fight when they run out of stormlight and get stuck on the plains. Concept/ Ask, Funny Severed Leg
9. Manufactured rumors about adolin/kaladin. Everyone thinks they're fucking. Effective political mudslinging for most of WOR. Shallan plays up things about her relationship with Jasnah to be a more appealing beard.
10. Kaladin has a meltdown in prison, breaks out of his cell. Just a little bit more stormlight...Shouts of alarm. Aaah glowing Assassin in white! Kaladin panics more. Adolin handles the situation like a champ. Kaladin maybe briefly kidnaps him.
11. Nale goes after kaladin instead of lift. Ohhh so many thoughts for parallels.
12. Syl immediately dive bombs pattern when kaladin and shallan meet. Really early radiant reveal but just to each other. Kaladin does not trust her but doesn't want to reveal his own status so just watches her super intensely...since she's also constantly watching him too, yes, this gets misinterpreted, but she actually picks up on and avoids that interpretation. See au 3 through 5 but more discreet. Veil is the one dragging him from the barracks for late night 'training sessions' [these are actually training sessions but veil flirts outrageously with kaladin when anyone's in earshot] so people are more focused on Veil/Kaladin.
13. Adolin, suspicious after the Assassin in White fight, was secretly following kaladin at night. Sees him step off a ledge into a chasm (I just reread the section and was like?! You glanced over your shoulder once?!). Adolin spends the whole night stewing in regret, anger, grief, guilt (I was there. I could have yelled. Should have done something. I didn't realize...I didn't know. I didn't know anything). Next morning Kaladin is on guard duty and adolin flips his shit, suddenly remembering that the whole reason he was suspicious of this guy was because he inexplicably survived a several hundred foot drop.
14. Kaladin barely manages to hold it together just long enough to out himself as radiant right after prison. Part One, Part two
15. Kaladin does NOT hold it together after getting arrested.
16. Kaladin swears third oath early. Next few weeks involve a lot of hiding glowing bridgeman squire antics and gaslighting people about kaladin's intermittently light eyes.
17. In the initial confrontation with Szeth, Kaladin pushes a bit harder about the radiants being back, Szeth spirals a bit more, crashing realization that he isn't truthless...
17a. Earlier radiant reveal: szeth surrenders the honor blade and then immediately collapses into the ground. Kaladin drags him and the blade upstairs. Has to reveal himself now because 1) kaladin what the fuck how and 2) the assassin is mumbling about radiants.
17b. Szeth commits suicide by cop Radiant. Kaladin takes honorblade, collapses. When he wakes up hes injured, surrounded by lighteyes and a handful of his men. Intense panic attack about dooming them all by winning a shardblade, maybe a full ptsd flashback because Very Specific Shardblade Winning Trauma. Crazy two nickles moment. Downside: cries a lot in front of people he'd rather not have cried in front of. Upside: Dalinar believes him about Amaram now. Part One , Part Two , Healing Ask
Public windrunner powers, but obscured Radiant reveal because glowing assassin sword is very clearly granting magic powers. Weird interactions of honorblade bond and nahel bond. Lot of interesting fallout from Dalinar having his very own Mystical Assassin now.
18. Kaladin sends Syl to spy on the 'horneater princess', one sided radiant discovery. When she sends pattern to spy on bridgeboy, he somehow notices. Shallan does not handle it well.
19. Something something people put together all the impossible stuff Kaladin's done with all the impossible stuff the Blackthorn did as a youth, combined with one of bridge four drunkenly talking about their best theories for the Captains 'mysterious backstory,' combined with Dalinar literally calling Kaladin son and seemingly overnight the warcamps are convinced that Kaladin is Dalinar's bastard child.
20. (COLLABORATIVE with @gnecrognomicon) Instead of being thrown in prison, Elhokar orders Kaladin be strung up for the Stormfather's judgement. Part One, Part Two
21 to 30 Non Words of Radiance AUs
22. Way of kings au where the beggars of alethkar are rounded up for the war effort. Jezrian, of course, ends up on bridge four.
23. Kaladin time travel au to way of kings only the transition is a bit like a spren going from the cognitive to material realm, so he's not all there. Heartwarming bridge four bonding slightly to the left - sure the mans crazy but he looks so disappointed when we don't help with the injured, and he shares his food like an idiot. How does someone seven foot tall and stronger than a chull make axehound pup eyes. We're not following him though. He's not our lead - holy heralds balls is he glowing?? Bit more of a symbol than a friend, but a symbol that you take turns holding at night because he has really bad nightmares and also hes clingy. Eventual 'oh shit he's a messed up herald' conclusion.
24. COLLABORATIVE / stone soup with @sweetteaanddragons : adolin and kaladin time travel to way of kings. Kaldin brooding about how to escape AND save all his men AND the world until adolin barges in and buys everyone.
'Thank the almighty,' Kaladin thought with almost painful relief, watching Adolin argue haughtily with a growing swarm of Thadeus's lighteyes.
'I never thought I'd actually appreciate having a rich friend.'
He would, of course, rather die than admit this.
"I had it handled," he growled, when the two finally managed to speak inconspicuously, each weaving amongst a thousand confused former bridgeman, speaking quietly with several, until they were able to meet in the middle with reasonable subtlety, all things considered.
"That's great, Kal," Adolin said cheerfully, clearly not buying a word.
"Say, how would you feel about doing some, you know..."
He waved a hand, earning a raised eyebrow from Kaladin.
"Glowy stuff for my Father," his voice dropped from a subtle hush to a slightly conspicuous whisper. "So he doesn't disinherit me. I did not have permission for this."
Both pairs of eyes flicked to the side, the Blackthorn's towering figure approaching like a Stormwall.
"Uh. Sooner rather than later perhaps."
26. Oathbringer/row au. Adolin doesn’t kill sadeus. Mostly just excuse to dunk on Sadeus for trading one (1) shardblade for mythical warrior who can make his own shardblade. oh look more of your former slaves are glowing now. and THEY make shardblades too!
27A. Elhokar and Kaladin time travel from Elhokar's death in oathbringer to way of kings. Part one, Part Two
27B. Elhokar solo time travels back from Oathbringer death to Way of Kings
28. Moash tells kaladin about beef with elokhar early. This derails the entire plot of the series.
31 to 40 Post Winds and Truth Wild Speculation
31. Szeth kaladin crack pity fuck time travel au words of radiance. Bridge four roasts the shit out of kaladin. Kaladin is doing everything in his power to avoid implying "knowledge of future" which makes the timeline of their relationship deeply confusing. (Part One) (Part Two)
32. Szeth kaladin time travel au post book 5, they get their memories back in the high storm right before canon first meeting. It's a whole thing.
33. Kaladin time travel back to wor, book 5 gone wrong. Deeply terrifying from outsider pov. Captain of the Kholin guard, bridgefour leader, is suddenly Full fourth oath windrunner talking about how humans are the voidbringers, they actually need to support the parshendi in bringing one last controlled desolation, and then kill the heralds and also god. Don't worry not our god. Different god. Our god is already dead. If someone else travels back with him then it swings around to a lil bit funny. *
34. Post winds and truth, pre sunlit man, crossover with the twilight of mistborn era 2 (i think the cosmere timeline could make sense but if not, oh well). Kaladin gets a boon from his god(s). Requests to learn more about mental health. Has to go to another planet to do so, because mental health research on Roshar sucks. Scadrial's god seems (relatively) friendly and their planet has developed antidepressants AND wellness seminars. Shenanigans with Very Old Wax and the gang. *
35. Jasnah, Dalinar, and Renarin (surviving Kholin Radiants) travel from End of World to right after Gavilar's death. Crack. Outline *
All of the above (plus other fandoms if you keep scrolling back) will be tagged with 'my au'
The above, plus my canon stormlight and other cosmere meta, technically canon compliant fanfic drabbles, or other things that i've written but don't fit in an au will be tagged 'nevertheless cosmere'
* Written Before Wind And Truth Release
Scene From My Nightwatch AU:
(Premise) & (AU Vimes Vetinari Meta)
...
Vimes, chained to a wall in a guest room in castle uberwald: alright, go on. Say it.
Vetinari: say what?
Vimes: I don't know. I'd definitely have a comment if the situation was reversed.
Vetinari: any remark I could make here is beneath our dignity.
Vimes: ugh, you're insufferable.
Vetinari: I did think you came off suspiciously well in that foolish 'game.'
Vimes: Ha! Wrong! I knew you would think werewolves! Gods, I love when your wrong.
Vetinari: quite. but you did chain yourself?
Vimes: ...hrmph
Vetinari: may I be so bold as to inquire why?
Vimes: ...I think I've been possessed by a vengeance spirit.
Vetinari:
Vetinari: another one?
Vimes: what?
Vetinari: hm?
Vimes: I hate you.
Vetinari: you've mentioned. I assume you'd like my aid?
Vimes: only if you don't want me to kill myself
Vetinari: I similarly assume you don't want downy to fund out
Vimes: only if you don't want me to -
Vetinari: yes, yes. You do know our words impact our perception of ourselves -
Vimes (mocking tone): your words impact my perception of ourselves
Vetinari:
Vimes:
Vimes: whatever you win this round and all that, anyway - you still got that wizard on retainer?
Vetinari: Wizards don't work on retainer. You're referring I assume —
Vimes: are you still in contact with that wizard that didn't try and kidnap me
Vetinari: he was genuinely uninvolved with —
Vimes: I know, I just said the one that didn't try and kidnap me
Vetinari: he refuses to work with you. Something about being 'a load bearing support beam to the universe' and a 'do not disturb sign' on your 'psychotemporal signature'
Vimes: right, right
Vetinari:
Vimes:
Vetinari: ...you're really not doing well, are you?
Vimes: don't look so concerned. Universe won't actually break if I die. We're apparently out of the 'danger period', so. It's fine, alright?
Vetinari:
