He Was Perfect, She Was Mad, I Was Confused
Nevertheless was, I think, like the second or 3rd kdrama I watched, and it's one of my favorites. It’s also one of the ones that confused me the most. I didn’t know anyone else watching kdrama at the time, so didn’t really have anyone to unpack that with.
Now that it’s older, I’ve been able to find reviews, and it seems like NO ONE saw what I saw in it. I have my suspicions about why this is, but I might be wrong, so I’m gonna do an in depth review and rewatch.
I’m gonna sum up my memories and thoughts, then I’m gonna start watching eps and reviewing them.
The basic plot:
Yoo Na-bi is an art student. She’s dating a professor who is…exactly what you would expect of a professor who’s dating a student. She gets out of that relationship and (like we all do at some point) is just like “fuck love” and focuses on friends and school.
Enter Park Jae-eon. He’s very charming, and clearly has a lot more romantic/sexual experience than she does.
From my perspective, he’s very respectful. He approaches her very directly, and she’s clearly into him and receptive as long as he doesn’t try to kiss her. Then she gets shy and uncomfortable, and he backs off.
He seems to think this is cute. He continues to pursue her, but not in a friend zone, incel way, but in an ethical manwhore way. He makes his interest clear, he’s a genuine friend to her, and he doesn’t push against her boundaries when she communicates hesitation.
They finally hook up, he offers a very direct and explicit fwb relationship. And not fwb as in “lets bang under cover of night and not talk again.” Hes there for her when she needs him, they hang out. Like “yeah, I’ll absolutely help you move. Wanna get pizza and bang after?”
So, he’s perfect, basically. From my perspective, because he’s direct and honest about what he’s offering, and the Friend part of fwb is genuine, this is the kind of relationship that could be the start of a healthy ethically nonmonogamous relationship (ENM), or a happy, healthy short term fling where you can be friends after.
Then at some point she decides he’s “not sincere” in how he approaches her, and they break up. Blah blah happy ending they end up monogamous. Cool.
The thing I keep seeing-esp from folks in their 20s-is that he’s a fuckboy and it’s a toxic situationship.
Wut.
To me, fuckboy/toxic means lies, pushing boundaries, all the normal abusive controlling dynamics.
But I’m also american, ENM, genderqueer, deeply embedded in counterculture, a little creeped out by monogamy generally (sorry, y’all), strongly biased in favor of nontraditional relationship dynamics and have absolutely zero use for or interest in the relationship escalator. For me, Nevertheless was a much-needed departure from the default assumption that The Only Relationships That Count Are The Ones That End In Marriage And Breeding. (Fuck OFF)
I showed ep one to a friend and what they said was that Jae-eon was “a 54 year old man who was able to travel back in time to his 20 something body, with full confidence in and understanding of how hot he is.”
So, I’m gonna rewatch and see where this takes me.
