MEDIC! Part 42 (alt ending) (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)
Ok so I've been thinking about this for a while, and I want to change the ending. I will leave up my original version, but I am now writing in my opinion a more satisfying end. If you hate it and prefer the first version by all means have that as your canon. But in my head this is more true to how I think the story should end. This new version will have a few more chapters added on.
This is based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, no hate to anyone involved.
Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut, @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92, @lucyfromtheoldhouse, @blueberry-ovaries, @next-autopsy, @saintmalosunsets, @anaso12 anyone else please let me know.
Time stood still for a split second before the clock ticked forward again. I stood exactly where I had left, my items I had dropped when I was struggling to free myself from the shimmer still laid perfectly where they had landed many months ago.
I whipped around but all that greeted me was the dark street.
No shimmer.
No Don.
It was as if I was on autopilot, I gathered my belongings into my arms and made my way back to my apartment. I fumbled with my keys before slotting them into the lock and twisting open the door.
I placed my keys down on the bench with the rest of my belongings before trudging to the bathroom. There in the mirror stood a girl I hardly recognised.
Her hair was windswept and unkempt, her face was blotchy and red, she wore an army uniform from the 40’s.
She was out of place and lost.
Shedding my clothes I stepped into the shower. Unlike before I was more aware of the damage on my skin. Cuts and bruises scattered my arms and legs. Scars and faded injuries covered me from head to toe. The last time I was in this shower I had been a different person.
I washed myself until my skin turned red from the heat of the water and the scrubbing from my hands.
Walking to my room, I slumped down in my bed and shut my eyes wishing to never wake again.
—------------------------------------
The months flew by, I did my best to heal what was broken. I had promised myself that when I retired I would live life to the fullest, if not for me, for Don.
I threw myself back into my studies, working hard towards my degree. It seemed to be the only thing that could distract me. I also went to therapy, I didn’t speak about the war I had lived through, it would’ve been too hard to explain, also maybe slightly crazy.
We spoke mostly about the attack that had happened the night before I had left, it impacted me in more ways than I thought, it had closed me off to everyone again.
My therapist encouraged me to form more bonds and have people in my life who I could trust. But it felt wrong trying to find people to fill the void of the ones I had left behind. So I kept to myself.
I had tried my hardest to forget and move forward, I didn’t want to linger on the what if’s but the urge was too strong. I would spend weeks in the library scouring World War II books and reports, trying to find the names of the men I had lost.
But the odd thing was that there was always a 101st Airborne, always an Easy company, but never the names of the men I had served with.
They appeared to take the same course of action, the events that happened to us, had happened to them. But the men pictured and named were not my Easy men.
It drove me to the point of insanity. I rushed home and dug all of the things I had brought back with me from the back of my closet. Just to ensure that it had happened, that I didn’t just imagine it all.
Sitting on the floor surrounded by the items I had stowed away. My uniform, medic bag and phone all were proof that it was real.
The medic bag sat unopened. I hadn’t been through it at all since I had arrived back. I sat gnawing on my lip, did I open it or not?
“Fuck it.” I muttered, leaning forward and unbuckling the clasps that held it shut. I pulled it closer, sitting the bag on my lap.
My fingers brushed over an unfamiliar material, I thought I knew exactly what I had brought back but this felt different. I hastily dragged the item from the bag.
A gasp left my lips and tears almost immediately streaked down my face. My thumb brushed over the metal, Donald G. Malarkey. It was his dog tag. He had somehow snuck it into my bag and didn’t tell me.
I could feel rough metal on the other side of the smooth metal. I flipped it over to find, ‘My Love, forever’. The words had been scratched into the back of the tag, Don had done it. I knew his hand writing anywhere.
Clutching the thin piece of metal to my chest I rocked myself back and forward as I sobbed. It was the closest I was ever going to feel to him ever again. The thought that he wore this so close to his heart for all the time we had been together made me cry even harder.
I upturned the bag letting the contents spill onto the floor, I rummaged through the belongings like a mad woman.
Was there anything else he had put in?
A paper I didn’t recognise was hidden under bandages, I hastily pushed everything else aside grabbing the paper as if it was going to disappear.
I shook as I stroked my fingers along the unopened parchment that had been folded in half. His scrawly handwriting graced the blank paper.
‘To Em.’
A shaky breath left my lips as I slowly unfolded the letter. My heart smashed against my ribcage but it felt nice to feel again, even if it was just pain. I had been so numb on autopilot. I couldn’t wait anymore, I needed to know what he had written.
My beloved Em,
I don’t know when you are reading this, but I hope that you are well. Know that I miss you dearly, and that I think of you always.
I write this now after you had left to go and say your goodbyes.
It took me a while to understand, but I do now. I know you inside and out, I know you as kind and gentle. You only want to share your love and happiness.
You made the brave decision to give up everything so that we might have a chance to live and be free. You have made a sacrifice I never think I could do, and for that I admire you dearly, Em. You’re so courageous, your heart is unshakable.
That is why I love you. Your soul is pure and good. I love your being and essence and everything that makes you, you.
I love the way your curls fall into your face when you laugh, and the way your eyes crinkle at the sides when you smile. I will miss the sound of your melodic voice, and soft lips. I’ll miss the way you tell stories and the hugs you give. I miss you even now, when I know you’re only mere metres away.
There will not be a day that will go by that you won’t be on my mind. Sleeping or awake you will forever be at the forefront of my thoughts. When I am sad, happy, excited, depressed, lonely, or content I wish to only share my thoughts with you. I will never not talk about you, your name will forever be on my lips.
I hope you have found my small gift, and that you hold it close to your heart and think of me.
Know that I am well Em.
I am content with your decision. I will live for you.
I hope you do the same, I hope you reach all of your dreams.
There’s a quote I love, “missing someone is your heart’s way of telling you that you love them.”
I miss you more than life itself, so I’ll love you for infinity. May my love for you reach you in your time now and you feel me wrapping myself around you now. I wish I had a photo of you, it scares me that I might forget your face.
But the men and I will keep you alive in our memories, I will share every story I have of you. I will go home and tell everyone that I was going to be wed to the most beautiful girl in the land but she made a decision that let us be here today, and in turn she couldn’t stay.
Please Em, my only wish is for you to be happy. Surround yourself with people who love you like we loved you. I need to know that you are being loved and cared for.
I don’t want to finish this letter, I wish I could write you pages and pages and fill them with the love I have for you, but alas there are not enough words in the universe that could perfectly summarise my feelings for you. But I will leave you with this poem.
I will love you as long as the sun burns in the sky,
As long as the moon shines its light into the dark night,
Until the raging blue oceans become calm and run dry.
I will love you until the end of time.
With all my love, I hope to find you again. I will wait for you in every lifetime.
Donald Malarkey, your one true love now and forever.
The sobs that left my mouth were short and sharp as I struggled to intake air. My tears landed on the paper as I clutched it to my chest. I had read the words over and over again, I could hear his voice in the writing.
After my sobs had subsided I continued to search through the contents of the bag. A flash of metal caught my attention. A dry chuckle left my throat, Speirs’ lighter lay amongst my belongings. His initials were carved into the metal, it didn’t come with a note, but the act alone was heartbreaking. It was Ron’s trusty lighter, one that he didn’t part with easily, but still he had slipped it into my bag for me to have to remember him by.
I woke up the next morning on the floor of my room surrounded by memories. I slipped Don’s tag around my neck and tucked it into my shirt. Just when I was losing faith they had given me the motivation to live again.
So I did just that. I opened myself up again, I graduated and started a new job as a full time nurse. I did as they had asked and surrounded myself with people who loved and cared for me. But no one could ever take Don’s place, that part of my heart was tightly locked which he only had the key to.
A year passed and the hurt lessened. Never did they leave my thoughts, the amount of times I went to share stories only to bite my tongue. But I wrote them all down in my diary to ensure that the memories I had of them were never forgotten.
—--------------------------------
After a while the ache dulled, but my questions didn’t. I couldn't find the answers as to why they never appeared in the records of history.
With every free moment I had I was falling down rabbit holes. Going to the library to scour through books and memories of those who had fought in the war.
It was so frustrating, the events were the same down to the very last detail. But it wasn’t them.
It was never them.
As if they had never existed in this time.
I had to stop after a while, worried it was going to drive me to the brink of insanity. My therapist said I couldn’t dwell in the past and that I had to move past it and step into the future.
“Hey Em, patient in room 12 is wanting to speak to you.” Izzy, the nurse I had befriended when I had started, peered her head into the nurses office.
“Sure.” I smiled brightly at her, getting up from the notes I was finishing. I made my way to the room, assisting the patient to unhook from the fluids they were getting so that they could go to the toilet.
“Em!” I heard from behind me. I sat the patient back down on their bed as we had made our way back from the bathroom.
“Yeah?” I turned to see an excitable Izzy.
“The girls and I were going to go out for dinner tonight. Come!” It was a Friday for the group and everyone seemed to be very thrilled for the weekend.
“Um…” I teasingly thought about the offer. The brunette didn’t let me think long, rushing into the room to slap me on the shoulder.
“You’re coming!” She tugged gently at my arm.
“Says who?” I wound her up more. I had befriended her as she had reminded me of George. She was bright and funny, always with a big smile on her face. We had both started at the same time and bonded over being ‘new and dumb’, we joked. It was easy to make friends with her, it was as if they had known each other in a past life.
“Emily Lane!” She full named me, causing me to giggle.
“Shall I pick you up?” I asked as I sauntered away.
“AHHHH!” Izzy squealed in delight, running after me to pounce on my back. “We are going to have so much fun!”
I never picked up Izzy, she had followed me home. Demanding we got ready together. I watched her dance around the room singing into the hairbrush she had found lying around. She looked insane having half of her eye makeup on as she sung poorly into the makeshift microphone.
“Thank you, thank you.” Izzy bowed to the non-existent crowd taking in her applause.
We finished our makeup, mucking around wasting time we didn’t have doing a fashion show, which was basically Izzy prancing around like an idiot and me curled over in hysterics.
“If you keep going not only are we going to be so late, my makeup is going to be ruined!” I chucked a pillow from the couch at her head.
Finally we made it to dinner only ten minutes late. We shared good food and stories around the table. I smiled, glancing around the table at the people who were in my life. Don would’ve been proud of me.
Izzy squeezed my hand from under the table as she lent her head on my shoulder. “I have a surprise and you can’t say no.”
I pretended to be mad at her but the smile stuck to my lips as she fluttered her eyelashes at me.
“What is it?” I asked, a huge grin broke onto her face.
“Karaoke!” She cheered as did the rest of the table. “You have to come, I’ve invited some of my friends too.” Izzy elbowed me in the side.
The older nurses with children and earlier bedtimes left, leaving the younger nurses with more energy to do karaoke. Izzy’s friends slowly trickled in joining us in our fun night out. All of them were lovely and so funny. I wiped the tears that leaked from my eyes as Izzy and Lyla sang a duet together, they were so off pitch but that didn’t stop them.
They plonked down next to me out of breath. “Your turn!” The girls pushed me from my seat. I looked back into the crowd and they smiled excitedly up at me. I picked a random song.
Stay by Rihanna played out from the speakers. I sang along as the group cheered and whooped. I didn’t care if I sounded bad. I sang loudly as I waved my hand in the air.
We partied till the early morning, mostly just me and Izzy. Everyone else made their way home.
Finally we crashed at mine, makeup removed and in our pyjamas as we slumped on the couch not really watching the film we had put on.
I chewed absent mindedly on the popcorn we had microwaved, staring off into the distance. Too tired to converse with my friend, but that didn’t seem to put her off as she did the same as me.
“Why do you have all these world war two books?” She asked moving to sit on the floor in front of the coffee table, flicking through the numerous copies that were scattered over the glass surface.
“Just looking for some people.” I joined her on the floor, knees tucked up under my chin as I plucked one of the books from her hand.
I skimmed through it, but it didn’t matter how many times I read it, their names never appeared.
“Like relatives?” Izzy questioned looking over at me with her big brown eyes.
“Mmm. My relative’s friends,” I lied softly.
Though there was no long lost grandmother who had served in the war, it was me.
Just me—twenty-first-century me.
Sometimes I wondered if I looked hard enough I would find black and white grainy photos of myself.
I don’t know if I would recognise her even if I did.
What condition would she be in, would she be smiling, covered in blood or marred in loss.
“Have you found her?” Izzy’s voice pulled me from my longing.
I gave a bitter shake of my head. “The men she served with for some reason never appear in any of the books.”
“Strange.” She flicked through more of the pages, looking at the pictures it held. “Maybe they don’t exist in this time.”
My brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t want to seem crazy but I often like to think there are multiple timelines. We could exist in each one, maybe not by the same name or face, but our soul. Or maybe not, maybe we just exist here.”
I straightened in my position, turning to face her.
“The lines, they run parallel with each other.” She gathered a blank piece of paper from the table, looking around briefly before acquiring a pen.
I watched as she drew multiple straight lines down the page, all equal in length.
“Though some may follow the same time as we are in now, there are different people living their lives in which we don’t exist, but some are staggered, running alongside us but not the same year.” She numbered each line with dates.
One for 2025, the year at current, another one of the same year but labeled as (b), 1945, when the war finally finished, 1801, and 1500.
“What are you saying?” She had my full attention.
“Maybe the men she served with live in this timeline.” She tapped the one dated 2025 (b) with the end of the pen.
“But my relative was from this time.”
“She may have got lost and drifted astray. With enough turmoil in the world it’s easy for the lines to blur for them to become thin like a veil.” Izzy’s brow furrowed as she traced her diagram.
“So, you’re saying hypothetically, she went across.” I was now on my knees hovering over the picture, eyes scanning frantically.
“There have been strange occurrences, people go missing everyday, some found some not. But you can’t just vanish entirely.” Izzy theorised.
“What if they accidentally got thrust into a parallel universe.” Her eyes searched mine, looking slightly crazed with tiredness.
My eyes didn’t drift to the line she was tapping with her pen, no, it was fixated on the line dated 1945.
What if I was wrong all this time?
What if I never went back, but instead I went across.
My finger drifted over the lines, going from our line to the one Izzy had drawn opposite.
1945.
“Emily?” Her voice raised in concern. “Are you ok?”
Her soft hands cupped my face and brushed away the tears I was unaware had fallen from my eyes.
My vision blurred. The room tilted. I wasn’t breathing.
Maybe I could’ve stayed, I wouldn’t be affecting my future because there was never my future there. I wasn’t even from the time, I didn’t even exist and I would never exist.
A choking sob broke the silence, I could’ve stayed.
