33 @ 28
Another supposedly special day yet there was nothing too dramatic special about it.
Disappointment on not adhering to self made plans from months leading to agony of not receiving something that I actually desired about.
A combination of these led to strong emotions that subjugated my confidence and will, to even have a decent day as it only comes once a year.
Yet, I chose to go to work - the one place where nobody bothers me, a place of my own sanctuary.
And I cried.
Cried not for the mess of a day, but because of the mess I have created in my life.
The mess that has turned into a maze, which never seems to solve itself.
A mess where my hands are outstretched looking for someone to hold them and take me away from this pain.
As I stood there with open arms, nobody came…it was just me and the air around me.
As always, I fall and I need to rise by myself and that I did.
A couple of amazing gifts arrived and then lunch with family.
Parents in their old age tried to cheer me up hiding away their sadness on seeing me down.
If not for anyone else,if not for my own self, at least for them..I needed to come out of this.
I can’t accumulate all the sadness, all the misfortunes,all the failures, all the negativity etc and project it on this day.
After all,even if it comes every year, this occasion comes only once a year.
My problem was no one but myself and only I can get out of it and thus I did.
Went to a place nearby and played bowling, pool and air hockey with random strangers. Won a few, lost a few but had fun with myself.
And this was after a decade, but said to myself.
No matter anything, no matter how low I feel, you have done amazingly well for yourself in all the constraints.
You will do three notches better if you keep seeking knowledge.
You are only one piece, you are unique and you will change the world for the better.
Happy 33rd to you and don’t get bogged down.
Let the internal storm surface to jostle the external calm as the moon among the clouds on this night.
