#newmutants69

[gaknar]

Way to go, you little shit-heel New Mutants. All of your debauchery and horsing around turned Magneto into a super villain again. This is pretty much any parent dealing with children under the age of 10. There comes a point where your kids are eating couch cushions and slinging vomit at each other, and taking turns stabbing each other in the eye with a pencil, and eventually you just can’t take it anymore. You lose your god damn brains, go to your closet, pull out your psychic-wave blocking super villain helmet that you built in college, and you say to yourself, I will raise these god damn kids even if I have to kill them. This is totally relatable!! (New Mutants #69 – Nov 1988)

[gaknar]

Shit!!! We are on the eviest eve of Inferno, and the gang can’t even use Limbo to teleport across the room without getting eaten up by demons. The only space being preserved is a small barrier around Illyana’s soul sword, which Illyana then takes with her, meaning the entire realm of Limbo is now completely bursting at the seams with demons and about to spread into other dimensions. You know, Limbo is basically a humongous orgy at this point. How else are those demons reproducing so fast??? You guys, one time I had a tree in my front yard and it got infected with Japanese beetles. And I got one of those little baggies that you put on a nearby bush to attract them away from your shit, and the beetles fly into the baggies and get trapped and can’t fly out. And god damn it, one time I looked down into one of those baggies, it was the most rocking orgy I had ever seen. There was a disco ball spinning and bug lube and semen was oozing out of the bag. It was just like this!! (New Mutants #69 – Nov 1988)

[gaknar]

Ok, while all this other Limbo drama is going on, we’re still dealing with this space spider storyline and this obnoxious Gosamyr chick. It turns out Gosamyr is part of some weird, parasitic, alien mind control species, and even though she looks all fragile and pretty, if the beings from her race aren’t allowed to gestate properly they turn into hideous, planet-eating, slug beasts. But they aren’t actually evil, they are just childlike. Or something. I wasn’t really paying very much attention. Here Illyana slashes Gosamyr with her soul sword and we can see her true nature. (New Mutants #69 – Nov 1988)

[gaknar]

During her last stop in Limbo, Illyana retreated just as the hell dimension was completely engulfed with demons, and she withdrew her soul sword as she did so. Now she’s using it out in space and everything she slices with it gets corrupted into a Limbo demon. Not really sure what any of this means. To be honest I can’t keep track of any of this shit. (New Mutants #69 – Nov 1988)

[gaknar]

Bad-assed New Mutants teleportation splash page. (New Mutants #69 – Nov 1988)