In my head has been this thought, this idea. It pops up every time I look in the mirror. Every time I try to put on those pants that no longer fit. Every time I sit down and my belly comes out. Every time someone reminds me that I look fatter. Or every time I look at pictures from months ago and I don't look like I used to.
That's when I start thinking how much I want to lose weight, how many times a day I should exercise, that I should stop eating certain things, and....
And I remember. I remember that at that time I wasn't just a body. And what about my emotions? How was my mood back then? Why was I really thin?
My body was different because I couldn't eat right, and not because I didn't want to. Hunger and
worrying about what I was going to eat the next day kept me from being healthy. So what do I really want? To go back to how I was before, even if I wasn't healthy? Those were the worst months/years of my life and I would never want to go back.
So no, I don't want to go back to how I looked before, because I would have to go back to that time where I was unhappy. And nowadays it's worth more how I feel on the inside.
"Changes" represents my healing process in terms of my appearance. For a long time I wanted to look the way I looked years ago, a time when I didn't eat well, was unhappy and hated myself. I learned that self-love is loving yourself not only when you fit within the standards of beauty.
In my head has been this thought, this idea. It pops up every time I look in the mirror. Every time I try to put on those pants that no long