#nightcrawler angst

[nutcasefuckface]

Kurt in the movies canonically self harms by the way, the markings are scars, I thought that was really interesting...

[justevelynnnn]

no title

Summary: Kurt helps you through your bereavement.

Warnings: mentions of death and dealing with grief

A/n: Idk. I really wanted to come back and clear my drafts. But..I just lost someone very close to me in my family. There’s a good chance I might take another break.

This might be very different from what I usually post but it’s helping me in some weird way and I hope maybe it could help someone else too..

No one in the mansion knew what to really say or do when you started locking yourself in your room to cry.

The first day was the worst. The day you got the news. They had called you to let you know they passed.

Something that hurt the most was you kissed the persons call a few days prior, but you swore you’d answer and call back that very day. What could’ve happened in a few days? You didn’t understand, you didn’t want to.

Your world was shattered, you swore you’d had more time. Why now? Why ever?

The first day you couldn’t stop crying. The world felt..wrong. Empty almost. Your hands couldn’t stop shaking and you were getting a headache from stressing and crying and beating yourself up. How could you get so busy you couldn’t call back sooner? You missed what could’ve been your last conversation with them. An opportunity you’d never get back.

A few of the others helped you the first day, holding you as you sobbed. You go through usual, “Sorry for your loss” but it just felt like a depressing version of happy birthday. Everyone saying it, and you can only say “Thank you.”

It’s still very early on. You don’t want to eat. Their pictures make you cry. People asking you how you’ve been doing really makes you cry. And you’re so tired of crying.

You don’t want anything but them back. Nothing feels right anymore.

Then came a knock. It wasn’t like Scott’s heavy ones or Jean’s telepathic ones. No, it was gentle. Almost hesitant.

You don’t respond but the door opens anyway. You’re met with the slight smell of sulfur and food that makes your stomach immediately react.

“Y/N?”

You turn your head to see Kurt in your door way hold a bowl of soup.

You don’t say anything but you slowly sit up and lean against your headboard.

He allows himself in but closes the door before making his way over to you. He doesn’t say anything either but sets the bowl next to you on your nightstand.

There isn’t anything to say. Nothing would bring them back. Your world is skewed. It just hurts.

When he sits and moves next to you, you allow yourself to be pulled in. Listening to his heartbeat calmed you.

You eventually let him say a prayer. He did in German. You don’t know what he said, but trusted it will help in time come. There have been no dreams or special feelings of them being “close” to you, and you started to just wonder if something was wrong with you. Or maybe their soul was lost. Or maybe souls don’t exist at all.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore.

They’re gone.