#nightly rant

[alaskan-wallflower]

i really don’t think darry and pony outright hate steve. sure, they find him obnoxious and arrogant and he’s a prick with a serious attitude problem, but that’s also their brother’s best friend. he’s their friend too. i mean, darry was horsing around with steve in the movie, throwing him aside when he was bugging pony in the kitchen. pony’s also at that age where he probably assumes everyone hates him so that doesn’t help—i doubt steve’s ever done anything malicious to him. steve hangs out with pony at the dx after the church too. i know these are little instances, but it shows they don’t hate each other.

i feel like people blow both pony’s dislike for steve and the “brawn’s no brains” comment out of proportion. like yeah, the latter definitely changed how darry looked at steve, but it might’ve also changed how steve saw darry considering darry was “fixing to break his jaw over it”. they both realized they have the capability to hurt each other. and anyway, darry could easily just not let steve sleep at his place too when he gets kicked out. if he really did hate steve, why would he let him stay at their place whenever he felt like it? he could lock him out. but he doesn’t. they don’t hate each other—they get annoyed by him, sure, but they don’t hate him. he’s their brother’s best friend, of course they get annoyed by him.

[chronically3mpty]

If you’re talking to someone with a disability and the idea of telling them they’re not trying hard enough crosses your mind allow me to introduce you to the concept of keeping your mouth shut.

I don’t care if they haven’t tried in 20 years. Just fucking shut it.

[depressedfairie]

in my elvis mood tonight yearning for him so bad <3

[xtinedancefit]

Really really really hope I hear a job offer soon. The company said I should hear back from them by the end of the week, but it’s so hard to wait. I feel like the longer I wait, the more I start to doubt to possibility of getting my dream job.

This would almost be a perfect change in my life. Finally getting to move on my own, continuing on my career, moving to a new city along with my best friend, new chances to grow in my dance abilities, living in a healthy environment where I’m not surrounded by junk food, so I have more control over my diet.

Im so hopeful for this new opportunity, but I also don’t want to get my hopes up too much. Cause I don’t want to be let down. I have to convince myself that even if I don’t get the job, I still have the power to change my lifestyle. Maybe not as dramatic as moving to a new state, but maybe smaller more meaningful changes that will will have a similar impact in the long run.

[reyneclaw]

i’ve simply never had a boy childhood. well in defence of my parents, i was raised in a pretty gender neutral way. hung out with cis boys, never played with dolls, have never been pressured into any beauty standards. yet i didn’t have access to most.. distinctly boyish stuff? so im enjoying this now as much as i can. you go through a second puberty physically (hungry, angry and horny, in that order, + covered in acne, thank G-d mine isn’t as bad as it was the first time), you go through the psychological side of it as well.  it’s okayyy.  boys can like war stories (it’s not only the spanish civil war, during these couple of years i’ve read a lot about military history and uhhh my dad is the best it’s all him we share that interest and we read together etc ouch i miss home) boys can like to prove their physical strength (need to carry smth heavy upstairs? need help moving furniture around? meeee)  boys can be dumb  it’s all legit at least. im enough of an adult to recognize that responsibility is a word. reliability, helping people, keeping your promises and solving your problems on your own when possible. this sure is an advantage comparing to a 15-year-old.  tbh. im trying.  boys totally can be excited over planes. i’ve had a brief aviation phase before, well it came back in full force now that im reading cisneros’ memoirs (what they had at the library) reading slowly bc of depression taking its effects and i only really read while commuting tbh, so im only at the beginning and it’s awfully boring in some places (not enough background knowledge of the situation, lmao, go google) and he sure makes an.. interesting impression so far, but my point was how he’s obsessed with flying, how passionate he was, and honestly i support this energy. so i fell back into that phase for some time. my apologies lol. thought of downloadng flightgear onto this laptop, not sure if it’s going to work, the laptop has seen better days. we had to write an essay in german a few days ago. about... beauty standards and how they affect our lives and what are your ideals and what inner beauty means to you. oh well. it can look differently. you recognize it instantly when you see it. don’t ask me to define inner beauty in under 3 pages.  i’ve found an explanation.. an example what it can look like.  when someone is doing what they love. and love what they’re doing. and how their eyes light up and how they feel at home with it, how they’re where they should be. that’s amazing. and i wish we had more moments like this at the uni. 

[blissfulsomeone]

A serious talk has been had, a plan has been made and I am going to commit to it with a 110%. The next time I am going to the UK (hopefully in February or March) I am going there with a one-way ticket 😘🛫   

[depressedfairie]

i am a delusional flower losing my mind.

[hikari-yumi]

It’s shortly after midnight and I’ve been in bed for two and a half hours.

Doggy hadn’t been feeling well after her vaccines this morning, was clingy and lethargic. I’ve snuggled up to her for the whole time I was home. She was passive but mostly fine.

When I got home late this evening the welcome wasn’t as enthusiastic as usual but I ignored it and chatted to my mum for a moment. I realised my dog hasn’t moved and was still standing awkwardly in the hallway, looking at me as if she was going to cry.

So I picked her up to take her into the living room with me to keep snuggling, but she screamed in pain. Apparently she had started to get while I was out.

This one mum put her on the sofa where she still just... stood... sitting and laying down was apparently painful. I hugged her lightly while kneeling in front of her to calm her and eventually she let me touch her belly. Everything seemed fine yet tense. Her trembling subsided but she again clung to me.

Mum watched her while I quickly got changed before I took doggy into the basement with me (where I currently sleep). There she eventually laid down, back touching my leg, snug under a blanket. Things were fine for two hours, I kept checking for breathing a few times cause I’m stupid and scared. Everything was fine.

Then I got ready to sleep and I think pushed against her while getting comfortable. She stood up again staying at the edge of my bed as if she wanted down but didn’t dare to because pain. So I gently picked her up to bring her outside. She just stood unmoving and refused to drink, figuring it was a false alarm I picked her back up and took her back to bed. Twenty uncomfortable minutes later she finally laid down again after lots of coaxing and cuddling. But the trembling was back and got worse and worse.

I figured I would wake my mum and ask if we should call the 24 hour vet clinic to ask what we should do but mum said it would be fine. On my trip to ask her I brought the dog along who was still trembling like crazy. Mum told me to leave her with her and go to sleep (cause I have an appointment tomorrow I should be fit for...) and tucked doggy in next to her.

I only reluctantly left, and the fact that my dog looked at me as if I’ve just abandoned him didn’t help.

Now I’m back in bed and can’t stop worrying... it’s not the first time she reacted badly to a vaccine, but after the horrible mess that was doggy’s emergency surgery this year and the following medical drama... I’m so scared she’ll die.

God, I hope she’s alright tomorrow or that mum wakes up if dog gets worse...