When I say "I can't do that" what I'm not saying is:
I don't feel interested in doing that
I'm too good to be doing that
I don't think you deserve that of me
I'm not in the mood to do that
Not now, I'll do it later
If that's what I meant, that's what I would say
It will negatively affect me in ways I can't afford
I simply can't physically fucking do that
I can't risk the potentially severe consequences I may experience if I overestimate my ability to do that
And if I explain that I am unable to do that, it is not an invitation to:
Tell me how much my disability hurts your feelings
Interrogate me because you believe yourself to be the judge of how unwell is unwell enough
Put words in my mouth ("why don't you care?")
Tell me how easy it would be
Remind me of how many other things I've been unable to do. I keep the score more than you do
Accuse me of exaggerating or faking to avoid doing it
Make assumptions about additional explanations. (I must be mad at you, I must not care about this)
Offer compensation in return ("I can pay you" "we can do something you want to do after" "I'll get you something you like")
Ask what it would take for me to suddenly be capable of doing it
Tell me how you do things you have to do when when you're tired and then you can just rest and recover. I am not like you
Remind me of a time I was able to do that. Either I had more spoons or was less severely disabled if at all.
Say that if I was well enough to do X today, I should be able to do this as well. Energy doesn't work that way. Are you capable of running 8 miles right this minute just because you were okay to work a 10 hour shift today? That's what I thought
Suggest simply doing it a certain way ("take your time", "do it sitting down", "we can stop and take breaks", "just take your painkillers", etc)
But it is an invitation to:
Leave me the fuck alone about it 💕
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