#nillin lore

[cow-boy-caviar]

CARRY ON: UNPACKING YOUR INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIC AND QUEERPHOBIC BAGGAGE by NILLIN LORE

This book is incredibly aware of its target audience, and as a result I find it to be a great first step in the process of self-actualization, self-acceptance, and self-exploration.

It’s gentle and affirming, conversational and funny, which is the perfect tone to strike for a reader who a) thinks they are probably queer, and b) knows they have a lot of work to do within themself before they know any more than that. Nillin Lore certainly knows their stuff, both from personal lived experiences and from more traditional academic learning, and their presentation of information isn’t ever overwhelming or frightening. I think a keynote presentation or workshop series led by them would be amazing.

As I read, however, I realized that while this book is a great first step, it’s not really an introduction. It assumes a certain level of knowledge and openness on the part of the reader (although it does include a comprehensive glossary of terms) and, since it knows the target audience so well, knows that the reader is probably a queer 20- or 30-something white person in North America. Lore is aware of this framing and acknowledges where they have gaps in their knowledge or experience as a white Canadian, and they cite many other voices to balance out their one perspective. But even with the glossary, and even though I am the target audience, sentences like “With bisexuality being a natural orientation observed in other species, what’s the damn problem?... the problem is the constrictive social structures that we’ve created as a society in the gender binary and the monosexual imperative” assume a lot about where the reader is at. Maybe don’t send this book to your Gen X mom who is curious about doing work on herself; it would (unintentionally) leave her in the dust.

But I don’t think that makes this a bad book, by any means. I think this book and the conversations and journal entries it will prompt are vitally necessary. It’s important for people to ask themselves questions about themselves, why they do or believe certain things, and whether those things serve any real purpose. It’s important for young queer people to be told that there is nothing wrong with them, that they can take their time, and that there are support systems they will find beyond their nuclear family and in configurations they could never imagine. It’s also important to laugh at ourselves and the meandering journeys we took to get to where we are now — “maybe, just maybe, my penchant for cross-dressing and sucking cock meant that I was, in fact, probably queer myself” made me laugh out loud.

Is this a perfect guidebook? No, but it isn’t trying to be. It’s just trying to be a first step for you to take, whenever you’re ready.

[haveyoureadthistransbook]

How Do I Sexy? by Nillin Lore

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Have you read this trans book?

Yes and I liked it

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No but I'd like to

I've never heard of it

Voting ended onOct 10, 2024

Part memoir, mostly self-help, How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Trans Queers strives to provide affirming and helpful direction to those struggling with finding their sexual selves in a landscape rife with misogynistic, transphobic, and homophobic ideals and expectations. Mx. Nillin Lore brings over a decade of their own personal and professional experience as an author, editor, speaker, educator, advocate, support worker, and a multiple award winning sex blogger, to the big questions on the minds of many gender diverse what even is "sexy," and how the hell do you do it?

Mod opinion: I haven't read this book yet and while I think books about being trans and being sexy are good and important this one doesn't sound that interesting for me anymore, but might be more interesting for trans people interested in self help books.