hi! i hope you are very well!
i would like to ask if something angst/comfort from riku is possible? i don’t see much of that type):
i’ll give you creative freedom for this ᄏᄏᄏ
ty 🫶🏻
ෆ MAEDA RIKU ෆ 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗂𝗌𝖾
꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ masterlist
︴ʚ summary ɞ ︴the difficulties of dating idol!riku, the insecurities and the struggles of being the one left to the side
ᝰ.ᐟ idol!riku - fem reader, angst
⤳ lots of insecurities, sadness and anxiety.
𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓲 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓼; hi love!!!! thank you for requesting <3 i hope you like this one, i didn’t really know how to end this one so i went for a bit of an open ending. as always, any interaction and feedback is much appreciated!!! 💓💓 definitely lmk what you think!!!! ily
!! not proofread !! i just wanted to get this out asap
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it started quietly, something you could ignore. a headline here, a trending video there, a few comments you scrolled past without really thinking nor stopping. you learned early on that loving someone like riku meant accepting the noise of his life, it was constant, unavoidable, sometimes a little uncomfortable. but you told yourself you were strong enough, that you had to be strong, for him.
but late at night, when the sun went down, the sky lit up the sky and the world went quiet, your thoughts didn’t. you told yourself not to look at it, but curiosity always crept in late at night. one video turned into another, one comment turned into hundreds. a fancam, a smiling edit, a slow-downed moment of laughter, a screenshot of a 1 second clip that meant nothing but everything at the same time. endless comments, more than your eyes could even keep up with. you kept reading until your eyes burned, your chest tight, overwhelming thoughts flowing in that you couldn’t escape;
they look so good together. their chemistry is insane. imagine if they actually dated.
they knew what they were doing when they paired these two together
you tried not to care and at first it was ok, doable, just fans being fans. shipping was ‘normal’ in riku’s world. you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started dating him. but knowing and feeling is a completely different thing.
at first you were so proud. proud of him for getting so many opportunities, for being noticed and praised for his hard work, for being able to do what he loved to do the most. you knew his job came with a lot of things that a ‘normal’ relationship didn’t have, you accepted that a long time ago. but knowing and understanding didn’t stop the ache that bloomed in your chest when you think about how easy it is for people to imagine your boyfriend with someone else..
you watched your bf move effortlessly through the chaos of his world, the stage lights - the cameras - the constant eyes on him and his every move. you love seeing him shine like this, the sparkle in his eyes whenever he was on that big stage, the energy and smile he brings with him through it all. you loved it.. you really do, but that doesn’t stop the quiet voice in your mind whispering things you hated thinking;
she belongs in his world, you don’t..
the collaboration announcement only made it worse. their companies riding the wave of the hype, their two idols being shipped with a huge amount of media attention?? 1+1=2 and they decided to pair them up together for a new project. a stage, a big stage, shared by two idols who have been the main headliners of the media the last few days. your riku and the girl the rest of the world wants to see him with.
you know it’s work. but the thought of riku spending long practices with her, late nights, hours and hours of being together learning a new choreography, cameras filming every single thing, every smile and every move. a natural closeness and trust growing as the time passes. innocent things, professional things. but you couldn’t help the uneasy feelings, your mind twisting everything.
she knew his world, she knows the pressure - the cameras - the expectations. you don’t..
you are just.. normal. no stylists, no stage presence, no understanding of what it actually felt like to live under constant pressure. you’re not someone who understands the whole thing of fan service and cameras catching every glance. you loved riku, deeply, but sometimes your love felt so small.. so small compared to the big world that demanded so much from him. you felt fragile. and slowly without realising it, you began to shrink and you did what almost felt like the most natural thing to do; you went quiet.
you stepped back without realising it. you stopped asking about practices, stopped watching his performances, your replies got slower, his calls went unanswered, with excuses you rehearsed beforehand. you convinced yourself you needed space- that he needed space. that if you distance yourself quietly, you could protect both you and him. him- from your insecurities and yourself from the pain of wanting reassurance from something you didn’t think you deserve.. because what if she asked for comfort and an answer and it turns out you were right after all?
what if one day he realises that being with someone who understands his world was so much easier than being someone like you, who stands on the outside, watching in from a distance, trying not to fall apart. the thoughts followed you everywhere, running through your mind every moment of the day. confronting you in the silence after another missed call, confronting you in the way your phone felt heavier and heavier everytime his name lit up the screen of your phone. and still you said nothing. you wanted him to be happy, even if your biggest fear is that his happiness will eventually come from someone else.
riku noticed. he noticed the way your laughter faded, the way your voice sounded distant, the way your goodnight texts became shorter and shorter until they eventually disappeared. the way you stopped asking about his days, something you’d always done. at first he told himself that you were busy. but as the days went on, the distance between you two only grew more and more.
he sat by himself in the practice room, staying a little longer after everyone else already left, his phone in his hand, your contact open on his phone. too many texts - too many calls but none returned. frustration and fear rushing through his mind all at once. he can handle criticism, the pressure, the crazy schedules, the expectations. but this- this distance, made him feel helpless. it made his chest tighten in a way he never felt before, an aching feeling that almost felt like an unbearable pain.
his thoughts spiraled. replaying every single thing that happened in the last few weeks. every smile he shared with his fans and friends felt heavy knowing that you felt anything but happy and smiley. every moment he failed to notice you pulling away flashing through his mind. every possible moment he could have fixed what he failed to see sooner. his mind was working overtime, a fear creeping into his mind; did he already lose you without realising it? by the time he got up and left, his body ached from more than just the aftermath of practice.
meanwhile you were curled up in bed, knees pulled up to your chest, staring into nothing. your phone faced down next to you, buzzing every few minutes, you didn’t even look. you knew who it was. tears soaking your pillow as you quietly sobbed to yourself. you hated yourself for feeling this way. for the jealousy you feel whenever you see his name next to hers. for the insecurities that whispered that you weren’t enough. for loving him so much that it literally hurts.
he deserves so much better, he deserves someone who understands without trying
happy scenarios and memories replaying in your head got replaced by imagining him with her, standing together under the stage lights, smiling into the camera for the whole world to see, someone the people wanted to see him with. you imagined him with someone better. someone who wasn’t you. someone who loved and cared for him the way he deserves. the weight on your chest felt almost unbearable. not dramatic, just heavy and constant. like something was pressing down on your ribs, making it hard to breathe. your body was exhausted, eyes stinging from crying.
the knock was soft. so soft you almost missed it. another knock followed, a little hesitant, careful, like whoever was on the other side wasn’t sure if they should be here. your heart skipped a beat, you sat up straight. your feet touching the cold floor as you slowly made your way to the door, every step feeling a little heavier than the last. when you opened it, you froze.
there he was. his shoulders slumped, his jacket hanging loosely on his shoulders as if he just thrown it on without thinking. his hair slightly messy after hours of practice. his eyes tired, glossy and exhausted. he looked hollow, pale, the usual spark in his eyes not even close to being there.
for a long moment, neither of you spoke. just looking at each other. his gaze scanning your face, taking you in like he needed to make sure you were real. as if he was afraid you would disappear if he blinked. his lips parted slightly, as if he wanted to say something, only a shaky breath leaving his mouth. slowly, so slow it seemed like he wasn’t even sure what he meant to be doing, he lifted his hand, carefully as if he wasn’t even sure if it was ok. he hesitated halfway, fingers curling slightly, eyes scanning yours as if he was asking for permission.
you looked at him, nodding so softly someone with a normal eye could have missed it, but he didn’t, that was all he needed. he stepped forward, his arm wrapping around you so gently, like he was afraid of crossing a line, like he was afraid of breaking something fragile. after a little moment his grip tightened a little, like he couldn’t even hold himself up without you. his face slowly pressing into your shoulder, a quiet, broken breath slipping out.
you held him, your fingers digging into his jacket, anchoring him there. your chin resting against his hair, eyes closed as his weight settled into your arms. neither of you said anything. you didn’t have to. you just stood there, in the doorframe that separated the quiet space of your home with the world you’d been struggling against. the fear finally losing its grip as you held your bf. the overthinking slowly turning quieter. the pain drifting away. the noise - the doubts - the distance, all of it softened, just by being held by the one person you loved the most in this world. the one person you wrongly thought would be better off without you. the one person you needed to anchor yourself in this world.
the one person who needed you more than anything in his life.
and for the first time in weeks, you both felt like you could breathe again.
Ი︵𐑼 ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚
tags; @gyubvlin @wishzendesu @yvshi @jameswrld @voucearse