Once upon a dirty time, there was a princess and a flippity flappin’ knight that was (as usual) destined to save her. That was a really stupid idea though because she lived in a fifty foot high tower which coincidently was locked. Wowee. So anyway, he rode his majestic frickin’ unicorn to the middle of nowhere to see maybe if he would just happen to hear the cries of the princess; because I’m sure she is always in a constant state of screeching. She doesn’t sleep, she just screams into the nothingness that is her tower. That’s actually pretty metal, like whoa.
So after he inevitably heard her magnificent yowling noises into the dark, he sped like Satan towards the sound. Because for whatever reason Satan is extremely fast now? As he approached the tower, it finally occurred to him: How the heckie is he supposed to get up there? He sat at the base of the tower for probably a good ten minutes while the princess said nothing and stared at him angrily. Wow, such a cute couple. Definitely destined, for sure. It was about that time that he realized there was a massive 50 foot tall ladder like two feet away from him. He dragged the stupid thing to the stone tower and propped it up so he could get to the top. As he stepped into the tower he kicked that ladder back and it fell on his horse which then immediately died. It wasn’t even a fatal blow; he just kind of dropped dead at the same moment a ladder bounced off his butt. After crying for about an hour and fifteen minutes, the knight asked the princess if she had any ideas.
She glared at him and said “That’s your problem, man. I’m fine up here.”
“What? You were screaming though.” He insisted
“Excuse you, I was singing.” She said as she promptly got up and went to pout in the corner. The knight used another 15 minutes to stare at the wall for no good reason. He then got up, stuffed some of the princess’s jewelry in his pocket and walked downstairs. There was a door at the bottom. All this time there was a door, but of course there was. How else would the princess get food? Oh no wait, she is actually an omnipotent being and has no need for food and can also fly. All of these things would have been nice to know earlier but that didn’t happen, whoops. So the knight walked out and got lost in the woods, never to return. The end
