#nmw;insight

[astrxyno]

It’s happening again.

The black dot on the paper soon grew into a larger spot of ink on the lined paper that had only those few words written on it. The hand holding the pen was shaking and Minwoo eventually had to put the pen down as a throbbing pain infested his hand. 

It was supposed to be a letter. It’s the second time he’s writing those letters, a habit he had stopped doing for the past ten years, but it consumed him once he returned to Korea as if the place reminded him of the things he left to forget. He didn’t even start it with the usual Dear so and so. Minwoo lowered his head and let out a long sigh. Why was this happening to him? 

He tilted his head to the left and stared at the screen of his phone that was playing those songs he once associated with certain memories. It’s been twelve years or more since then, but here he was, a captive of those moments. 

When will it end? 

Will it ever?

He closed  the pen eventually and left it on the paper that held half words, incomplete thoughts, and a lot more confined in the borders of those letters.

[astrxyno]

                                  ⚜  The return   ⚜      

          A loud thud resounded in the dark room filled with the smell of dust as the intruder dropped his heavy bag on the floor to find the switch and turn on the lights. His nose had picked the smell of the dust and he immediately remembered how he left without covering the furniture. Minwoo shook his head slowly and dropped his shoulders, he had a lot of cleaning to indulge in for the next hours---if not the whole day.

         He let a sigh slip past his lips as his fingers rolled up his sleeves in preparation for the work ahead of him. It’s been over ten years since he last visited the place, and most of the furniture were not in a state to be used. What a waste! He scratched his left side burn as he tried to remember the occasion behind one of the pictures he had framed, but he soon snickered softly at himself for his memory was even worse than before, and his memories from over a decade ago were not the most reliable. 

        It was a bit after midnight when he finally got to sit down after cleaning the place. He will have to go shopping in the next few days and he still hated that as he has always. 

                                                                      The phone rings...

       The dark haired male frowned and picked his phone to stare at the number for a second before answering. It’s work! “Oh for fuck’s sake, I’ve just returned, give me a break.” The person on the other end wasn’t even shocked, Minwoo had become more vocal about things he did not like over the past years. He became a different person after the major outburst he had several years ago. “Tell them I’m not coming. They’ll have to sort it out without me.”

                                                                           Unbelievable!

[astrxyno]

You were my first love and you'll always be my first love.

It had been long since the last time he received a similar message, and unlike other times, it did not bother him. Receiving it stirred an unexplained longing to a certain place that held so many memories. Even if he did not know who the sender was, he smiled and kept the message. Those were bittersweet memories.

[astrxyno]

.... Just another departure

      Heavy boots played their symphony of panic on the grounds of the country’s national security headquarters, the soldiers had just returned from a mission, but the language their bodies spoke made everyone else anxious instead of happy about the mission’s success. A grey truck stopped and six men dressed in uniforms got off, carrying a coffin. In a matters of seconds, two rows were formed on each side of the path and everyone bowed to the body laying inside the coffin. 

      Minwoo was one of the men carrying the coffin, the man was his comrade. They covered each other’s back in countless missions, they knew more secrets about the world they lived in that any sane person could handle, but they found console in silent glances and reassuring nods. They were both here knowing the day will come when it’s their turn to return to the base in a box on other men’s shoulders. 

      The burial was carried out in utmost secrecy, only a selected few got to attend it and everyone who was on the mission had to sign that they won’t disclose anything about the death of their deceased comrade. His family were not to find out more than the sad news, their questions would remain unanswered. Thinking of all that, Minwoo felt the bitter lump in his throat growing, it was their fate to lead lives no one knows about for the sake of keeping everyone else safe, and in return for that reward, they had to give up on enjoying some of the basic human needs. They were not average or typical soldiers. 

      There was no light apart from the one coming from his phone’s screen, Minwoo had spent four hours sitting next to his comrade’s grave. He won’t be allowed to return to the site once the death is announced to the family who would rush to the graveyard. The rules were strict and goodbyes like this one were hard. For a man who spent all his life either being pursued or pursuing others, death was his friend, they met too often, but death was never ready to commit and take Minwoo with him for good. Losing people to death hardly affected him after his family burned in front of his eyes, but that night, losing his comrade was difficult. 

      It was dawn when the agent finally rose and walked away with heavy steps, he promised himself that he was not going to look back, he had to report the next day to the Lieutenant general and go on with his life as if nothing happened. 

[astrxyno]

A week or more has passed since he received that letter that was probably supposed to be a kind gesture from the sender. He couldn’t react to it, but it did not leave his thoughts, burdening him every day. It was a gradual built up in preparation for a night like tonight when his defenses are weaker than usual. The agent placed his jacket on the chair and opened the drawer where he kept the letter, a sinking feeling overwhelmed him. It was a farewell letter. Among the people he got to know in the past two years of his life, only a few were valuable to him and the sender was among the most valued. The contents of the letter indicated the sender had no intention to remain in touch with the receiver, leaving the agent with no chance to share any thoughts or final words. The feeling filling his chest was a strange mixture. He wasn’t sad nor angry, it was a strange combination of both that left him numb, but in pain at the same time. Was this the feeling of missing someone? He hasn’t visited him emotions in a long time that he forgot what they felt like. Minwoo re-read the letter and pursed his lips tightly, the word goodbye was on the tip of his tongue, but he did not want to say it. It’s a fact that some people leave and he wasn’t one to care who stayed or left, or maybe he was, but he had convinced himself otherwise. Finding the sender was possible if he searched hard enough, but what was the point when the other had made it clear that no further communication is desired. The dark-haired male sighed and lowered his head while holding the letter, allowing his thoughts to wander until his kitten decided to interrupt his gloomy moment.

[astrxyno]

Dreams change

The metallic wheels responsible for moving the clock hands rotated at a slow and steady pace, but the sound of each tick felt heavier to the sleeping body in the room. It was growing closer, the combination of numbers that would summon him back from the land he’s at. The clock hands landed perfectly on two and six and the sleeping eyes fluttered open. There was no sound made, the place has been quiet ever since he slept, yet he would wake up at the same time every night lately. It wasn’t stirring from slumber that bothered him, it’s the dreams that preceded it. His dreams were rare and faceless, but lately the faces are identifiable. People he stopped thinking of or thought he had forgotten were visiting him now in his sleep. A strange thought crossed his mind. Maybe the visit Hyosung paid him unlocked Pandora box. 

[astrxyno]

▲

“It’s been months and you haven’t provided any significant data yet. The case will be assigned to KS1.” They knew having ICON take over the mutant’s case wasn’t going to end well, the agent knew too much already about the operations kept a secret except to a few. It was the reason he was chased to the end of the country and hospitalized for months after they left him as a mess of broken bones and torn flesh. Yet, the male was an asset to them, because he surpassed his co-workers in his analytical and planning methods. The plan was to watch ICON closely in his investigation and transfer the case to someone else once they find out enough through Minwoo, but all investigations on his investigations have been provided worthless information. It was stupid to think Minwoo did not have a plan he is keeping to himself, they have been studying him for almost twenty years, they knew better. The nonchalant look on Minwoo’s face made everyone uncomfortable, because he is not one to not care about the government’s mishaps. Of course they would call a plotted crime a mishap. Didn’t they do the same with him?

The long-haired male waited until he was dismissed. He knew this would happen, but he had nothing to lose. He had secured his way into all the files kept with the latest updates on Andy’s case and managed in the past months to build a good relationship with the victim. He had more control over him than the whole organization. The only way they could control him was by using force or using his family against him. Smart methods that would get them nowhere. Andy is childish most of the time, but none of the missions he received were handled hazily. He entered the office of the intelligence head where he was called after the meeting to sign papers that he would not pursue the case any longer and would refrain from interfering. Those signatures never held any value to the agent. The whole organization was built on lies and operated with more lies, being honest here was morally wrong. He had no plan to let Andy be their tool like he was.

[astrxyno]

He hit shuffle and shifted his attention back to all the files on his desk that he had to go through by the end of his shift. Listening to songs while working made work tolerable and blocked any sounds or side conversations from his coworkers, which was exactly what he needed. 

You could have, at least, fulfilled one promise among the others While you were taking me unawarely like that You could have, at least, put my heart in your luggage

The lyrics caught him off guard, the song was one of those he avoided listening to, but didn’t delete from his playlist. His heart sank and a familiar bitter lump formed in his throat. Some songs managed to make him feel the same way he felt the first time he listened to them and no matter what he did, nothing would change that. The pen in his hand stopped moving and he remained in the same still position until the song stopped playing.