#no bark

[themanwhooncedweltinavault]

[catsnuggler]

...hm...

...No-Bark Noonan believes in many fantastic things that don't exist in the Fallout universe - some of them are real things he mistook for something else (mistaking a cloaked nightkin with a minigun and DID for a two-headed chupacabra with a backpack and a friend "more invisible than him"), some are fake, like geckos with buried treasure, or cave rats that know magical spells.

He vows that he knows what he sees is real, despite "what the doctors say about all them scorpion stings done pierced my skull" (I think that's how he phrased it?).

What's a part of the wasteland that has seemingly magical tech, lobotomites, and, in a sense, scorpions that sting people's skulls and rob them of their "intelligence", and possibly sense of reality?

Big MT. Maybe, at some point, he was at The Big Mt. Just a thought.

Edit: he also claims to be a scientist. I know he makes all sorts of whack claims, but maybe, maybe that one is actually true. Idk, this could all be bullshit, or it could be a trail, or something in between.

[thewattz3thousand]

[falloutdialogue]

Some of my favorite No-Bark-Noonan dialogue files (long list)

Enjoy some of my favorite No-Bark Noonan quotes, because how could you not love (or be fascinated by) the elderly fellow from Novac.

“I'm looking for a man in a checkered coat. Have you seen anyone like that?” Sure have. Camouflage, that coat was, trying to hide from extra terrestrials what can only see in black and white checkers. But they're not fooled 'cause he forgot to put the checkers on his face. I told him so and he seemed to take it to heart. They stayed here a night, and was up by the dinosaur talking to the sniper fella with the mustache a couple of times.

“Why do they call you No-bark?” Cause they know I ain't just barking here. What I say's got bite, 'cause it's the truth. Them quack doctors can say what they want about all the radscorpion stings that done pierced my skull. I know what I seen.

Blight Brotherhood

“Anything interesting happening?” Folks'll tell you that they seen ghouls up near the rocket factory. Sensationalist hooey, cooked up by superstitious yokels seeing phantoms of their own imagining.

“What can you tell me about them?” From what I've been able to gather, they've been seen messing around with the machinery up there. What could they be up to?

“Who do you think is actually at the factory?” Ghosts. Commie ghosts what don't know they're dead. Hoping to steal our rockets so they can fly up and paint the moon pink and draw a Lenin face on it. I seen one of them disappear and reappear before my very eyes. Although being a scientist, I have to admit I might've just blinked for longer than usual, what with the shock of seeing a commie ghost and so forth.

[On the Radio] It's ghouls, I tell ya. Religious ghouls in rockets looking for a land to call their own. Don't you laugh at me. I know a spell that'll make you show your true form. Cave rat taught it to me.

Playing Caravan

[Playing again] No more magic spells this time.

[Playing again] Well I'll be cold and rotting before I let them get the best of me. Let's go again.

[Invited to play] Sure. Old No-bark is always looking to play. Not for entertainment, mind you, but because if you look at the cards right you can know the future.

[Done playing] Dang it, No-bark, just when you was making a friend.

[Player loses] No-bark wins! A few more like that and the curse'll get lifted for sure.

[Player wins] Dang it! Shoulda known you was getting caravan hints from the bloatfly spirits what live in these parts.

On Being Weird

“If you're going to be weird, I'm just going to leave.” Weird's just normal when normal decides to start taking notice of things. You just think about that.

“Has anyone been acting strange?” I don't trust a man that doesn't have something strange going on about him, 'cause it means he's hiding it from you. If a man's wearing his pants on his head or if he says his words backwards from time to time, you know it's all laid out there for you. But if he's friendly to strangers and keeps his home spick-and-span, more often than not he's done something even his own ma couldn't forgive.

What do you know about the abduction of Boone's wife?

Seen it all. Seen shadowy folk come to his room and leave again in the middle of the night. Thought one might've gone in the lobby, too, for a spell. Could be that person went in to get something. Or use the john maybe. Mighty interesting either way, you ask me. I thought it was cannibals, come to eat us all for sure, so I kept out of sight. But now I know better.

“Who was it?” Molerat men, come up from the Underneath to steal young women with promises of riches and fancy mud mansions with all the latest designer appliances. They covet our ladyfolk's long hair for wigs, it's said, being either bald or balding themselves.

Lured in Front of the Dinosaur

If you're talking about that thing that looks like the entrance to the center of the Earth, I think it might just be a pothole. But we better check it out anyway.

I know we already did this, but this time things might turn out different.

Player is Knocking Over Objects

What? How'd you get past the guards?

They're here! Don't let them get the antidote! Oh. It's just you. You can't have it either.

The molerat men! They've come for my beard at last! Oh. Never mind.

What's been going on in town?

There's been things of a disturbing nature going on at the McBride Corral. Seems every night one of their herd meets a most unnatural death, and always there's holes all over the body. Work of the chupacabra, the livestock vampire, says No-bark, but they don't pay no mind. Too many holes, they say, and there's bullets in them. Well, says No-bark, we got a chupacabra with an automatic weapon. And that's when they get real quiet, 'cause now they see the predicament we're in. I come face to face with the chupacabra himself one night whilst I was investigating whether this gecko was hiding his treasure from me. He was the meanest, ugliest chupacabra you could imagine. Had two heads, and fangs down to the ground. Best I could tell, anyways, since when he come up to me he was invisible. Had himself a blunderbuss what would rotate and shoot bullets real fast out of a backpack. Never seen nothing like it. Walked right past me having an argument with somebody. But I only saw the one chupacabra, so I guess the other fella had to be invisible too. Only more invisible than the other one.

Misc

If anyone asks, we never spoke.

Careful. They got spies all over.

“We can talk from this distance.” You sure, now? It's kinda hard to hear you.

Let me know if you meet anyone suspicious.

Who sent you? I ain't talking. They tried to get me to talk before, but I didn't say nothing. And I don't aim to now, by gum.

You've seen them too, haven't you? I can see it in your eyes. I knew I wasn't the only one.

“I don't mean any harm.” We'll just see about that. You come any closer and I'm liable to stick you with my stickin' knife. Ol' Sticky's feeling mighty ornery this day.

“You said you'd stab me with that dirty knife.” Okay, okay. Just speak up a little. But not so much that They hear you. They got people everywhere, always listening.

[Threatened] I give up! Please don't do no harm to me, mister/missy, leastaways not my face. All I got left is my rugged good looks. What do you want to know?

“Let's talk about something else” Good idea. It ain't safe to stay on the same topic for too long.

[jakemyboy]

Maybe my old phone could do it too, who knows, but with my new phone I can position it in weird ways and voice command it to take a photo, so here is Jake intently watching whatever it is he finds so interesting going on on our street on a very quiet Sunday morning.

[vladolak]

I know ive been a bit late in updating the fallout fic but I am half way through chapter 48 :D and I think yalls will like it :3

Primarily all you old man yaoi enjoyers and thats all I'm spoiling;)

[just-sticks]