No More Heat! Fat Mama is out on those chilies! Pardon me, but I'm getting old, I've been very ill and feel like a wreak. Now, who is the idiot that decided that chili flakes, Tobasco sauce, Siracha sauce, Jalapenos, cayenne pepper, ghost peppers, Ancho chilies, and every other hot pepper and substance in the world should be added to everything? STOP IT!!! I mean it! I can't drink milk, and have absolutely no defenses for heat any more. I only have a small portion of my stomach left, and my alimentary canal has been ulcerated, insulted and burned relentlessly over the last few years. At the very least, Please - Leave the baby food alone! Take the chili flakes out of my freaking salad dressing, stop turning food into an endurance contest. I may go postal if I find chilies in my morning corn flakes or my morning cup 'a. I'm done with this! Even middle American McDonalds offers buffalo sauce and spices on it's menu, Jack? Spicy chicken sandwiches... aaaaaaahhhhgurah. Jalapeno loaded burgers, pepper jack cheese. Leave us poor Irish - Welsh people to our weirdness, without additional heat. Just because all the judges on Chopped and Iron Chef love heat, don't make me eat it. Hell they like rocky mountain oysters and lamb fries as well as sweet breads and octopus, which is chewy as hell btw. I don't see goat testicals popping up on menus anywhere. Leave me alone I'm a plain old bit of white bread, crusts removed, and good with salt and black pepper. Okay, so I got a salad with grilled chicken from McDonalds. A beautiful Asian salad with mandarin oranges, with Edamame and grilled chicken. And a nice low fat, low cal. vinaigrette. WHO decides that Guajillo peppers, a moderately hot pepper from Mexico, I'd guess about 5,000 Scoville units, right there with jalapenos, needs to be in an Asian salad? Huh? Ginger, black pepper, garlic, and chili flakes not enough? I want to run around in the yard screaming! I want warning... labels on anything with a Scoville rating of 1,000 or higher! Gosh darn it, my ladder has a warning label that tells me I should not set it on frozen horse poop (I kid you not) why can't we have tiny little warning labels with a scale of 1 - 10 peppers for spice? I'd be going for the -4 to 0 heat label. Who's my senator? They are out lawing salt, not letting us have water in restaurants, the senate wants to legislate health? I'm writing about needing warning labels. Come on, there must be other pale, never tan people out there that want to eat flavorful - but not spicy food - with me? Start the warnings here: 1,000 - 2,000 SU, that's right at a Poblano pepper. I'm drafting a letter, please excuse me? Thank you! But first I'll be brushing my teeth with Thomas the Train toddler training tooth paste, bubblegum flavor, because it is almost impossible to find a tooth paste that is not a mint bomb with mint heat units of it's own. But that's a rant for another day.