#no shoulds

[changemongre]

"I don't know," is not confusion. Confusion is, "I don't know, but I should know," or, "I don't know, but I need to know."

Eckhart Tolle

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#13: Take words/phrases out of your vocabulary

When you take certain words and phrases out of your vocabulary, you can completely change your mindset and hopefully have an easier time coping with whatever comes your way. I have one word and one phrase that I have taken out of my vocabulary and has made it easier for me to cope. Maybe taking these out will help you, but think of other words and phrases that you constantly use that can be taken out for the better of your coping. 

The word "should/shouldn't": 

This one came from my ex-girlfriend's advice and because she had stopped using it herself. But let me explain why I decided to eliminate it from my vocabulary. The word "should" is often used when someone is giving advice to you and I see it as a condescending way to give advice. "You should eating unhealthy foods" "You shouldn't go out in the rain" "Shouldn't you be in school right now, instead of slacking off?" "I shouldn't be here right now" These are just some of the ways I have used the word and heard it being used around me. Instead of using this word, I advise used other words that better explain why something is right or wrong to do. Do you "want/need" to eat healthier?" Maybe it would be a better idea to stay inside because it's raining. Why is it anyone's business if I'm in school right now or not, it's my life (unless of course you are enrolled in school and just not attending because of laziness, then it's "probably a good idea" to go back to school. Do you see how there's more meaning when you replace "should" with other words and phrases? It's just an empty word that reminds me of all those condescending teachers, parents, elders who gave me empty advice without explaining why something was or wasn't the best option for me. i say fuck all of them! You know your options so follow what you know to be the best option for you and you will have a better time coping. You might have a lot of things on your mind and all those "shoulds" get tangled up in your stress and it's just not a good place to be. So stop yourself before you say your next "should" or "shouldn't" and find yourself understanding your options better and having a better time coping! 

"That ruined my day": 

One incident or interaction can't ruin your whole day unless you let it. So why not stop yourself before you say something ruined your day because once you say it out loud, you've usually convinced yourself that it's true. If you think about why something potentially ruined your day, before you say it, you can remember that other things made your day good or great or awesome or productive. You can really switch any day experience into a good one if you think about it with a positive outlook. For example, it sucks when you have a bad experience at a restaurant. The food came out cold and you were waiting for way too long and you had to send your food back because it was too well down and you asked for your steak medium rare and it's brown. That all sucks, but there has to be something about your day, other than your experience at this restaurant that you can think of while experiencing a shitty experience that will turn your mood around. Maybe you can take a nice warm shower when you get home? Or now you can order General Tso's chicken when you get home? Or maybe tomorrow you're going out with the girls to your favorite bar? Better times are ahead and there's no reason to sulk in something that you allowed to ruin your day. So reward yourself for a shitty experience before the shittiness consumes you and you drown in the lake of your self pity and depression. Or just laugh at whatever might have ruined your day, it will make the experience more positive when you look back on it. Remember nothing can ruin your day unless you allow it to, so convince yourself otherwise! 

And continue to happily cope!