Book of Salutations

We are all coping in this big bad world so we need ways to cope and I have a few. Take a look! Every Saturday I will post a new coping mechanism and write something about my experience with using the mechanism.

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#15: Take care of someone

Okay, people, now I'm really going to start posting weekly again. 

And I'm going to start with something I have been doing as a coping mechanism and as a job for over a year now. Taking care of someone--animals or children or someone with a disability or an elderly relative--just feels good. The act of taking care of others proves that you are a compassionate person. If you have confidence issues and you start taking care of someone, your confidence will boost because you will see that you are really capable of taking care of someone--and actually taking care of yourself. If you can take care of someone, then you can take care of yourself. 

I recently spent a month taking care of an adorable pitbull and living on my own in the big bad world of responsibility. That idea really scared me at first but once I got the hang of caring for the dog and at the same time taking care of myself, I saw a new me spring out of my old skin. It's like that exercise I've heard some of my peers had to do in school, where they are given an egg to "care" for for a week. Just looking after something like an egg and treating it with care, even giving the egg personified characteristics like a name and feelings, really helps to develop compassion. 

Compassion is something everyone can work on and especially for those who are having a hard time dealing with their stress. Once you prove to yourself you can take care of someone, then you have proved to yourself you are capable of much more in life. Nobody can tell you that you can't save a life because actually you can. Show them you can! Prove them they're wrong! And you will prove to yourself what you're actually capable of! 

I started working with developmentally disabled people over a year ago and every day I work with them I get a big confidence boost knowing that I am capable of benefiting someone's life. Does that sound like I'm helping people for the wrong reason? Some might say so, but I don't agree with them. Yes, if you put too much of yourself into caring for others, then you aren't taking care of yourself. So use this coping mechanism in moderation. Don't dedicate too much time to taking care of others. Just do it enough so you can feel good and make someone else feel good. 

A child's hand reaching out to hold your hand. A dog's licking after you play with them. A non-verbal, autistic 26-year-old taking the time to sit on your lap. That's how I cope with life. 

Show someone you care and coping will be easier. 

Happy coping everyone!

[bookofsalutations-blog]

I'm back!

Hey people! I'm going to start posting weekly again. After a hiatus due to school and summer fun times, I'm back in school again and miss using this blog. I will be posting at some point during the weekend, so look out for new posts!

And if you know anyone who needs help coping in some way and my posts can relate to their lives, please send them here. Does someone you know need an intervention? Send them here! Are you stressed, depressed, anxious? Remember I'm here for you! I find that sometimes when I'm looking for an answer to my problems something interesting on the internet comes my way that can be useful to whatever I'm going through. So, maybe I will post something you can relate to. Who knows? 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#14: Take a Facebook break

Facebook is basically my main way to waste time. And after finishing this post I am going to follow-through and deactivate for a week, probably for the duration of Passover. It's just mostly useless to me and maybe you're feeling the same way. 

There are just so many other things to do with your time that will benefit your mental health and keep your mind more actively working. You can actually do work for school and not make the claim that you don't have time for that school stuff because you find yourself procrastinating too much, You can work on improving some aspect of your life. I have made a few suggestions throughout this blog. If you take your Facebook time and use it to do anything else, your mind won't be going to waste and you will be all around a happier person. 

But you say Facebook is your only way of staying connected to people? I say that's complete bullshit unless you have really close friends who are living in foreign countries or studying abroad. I have a few of those but I'm pretty sure they can live without a Facebook chat once in a while. If you just use Facebook chat to communicate with people, I bet you have their phone number. So, hey, hit them up on the phone or send them a nice text message. 

Oh, you get most of your daily fix of news from your friends' Facebook posts? That's nice and convenient but you can get your news fix in other ways. Read articles online. HuffPost, NYTimes, NYDailyNews...pretty much all newspapers have digital versions nowadays, Or you can turn on a 24-hour news channel like CNN. Or maybe even read a paper newspaper and indulge yourself in a dying tradition. 

Maybe Facebook isn't really your technology addiction. Maybe you have a problem with your smart phone. So, I advise using it only for phone calls and text messages for a week and see how that goes. Or maybe you're addicted to television. Set a specific amount of time to watch, limiting your time wasting time and giving you more hours to be productive. 

Just try it for a week. And you might find yourself using that technology craze less in the future. How did our parents and grandparents live so happily? They didn't have personal computers or cell phones. They didn't have the internet to answer their questions. One theory is that people were happier without technology leading their lives. I don't know much about the theory and am not a professional, but if you try it out you can see for yourself if this theory is true. 

Wish me luck on my Facebook withdrawal. Hopefully I will be more productive in school and more productive in my all around life. 

And I hope you find this helps you cope better...

Happy coping! 

By the way, this post just reminded me of the unfortunate news I heard about on the news: World Britannica is not printing anymore paper volumes. This makes me sad because I remember when I was a kid and finding the most fascinating facts while searching through those volumes. What a shame technology has won that battle. Tech: 1. Pre-tech: 0. 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#13: Take words/phrases out of your vocabulary

When you take certain words and phrases out of your vocabulary, you can completely change your mindset and hopefully have an easier time coping with whatever comes your way. I have one word and one phrase that I have taken out of my vocabulary and has made it easier for me to cope. Maybe taking these out will help you, but think of other words and phrases that you constantly use that can be taken out for the better of your coping. 

The word "should/shouldn't": 

This one came from my ex-girlfriend's advice and because she had stopped using it herself. But let me explain why I decided to eliminate it from my vocabulary. The word "should" is often used when someone is giving advice to you and I see it as a condescending way to give advice. "You should eating unhealthy foods" "You shouldn't go out in the rain" "Shouldn't you be in school right now, instead of slacking off?" "I shouldn't be here right now" These are just some of the ways I have used the word and heard it being used around me. Instead of using this word, I advise used other words that better explain why something is right or wrong to do. Do you "want/need" to eat healthier?" Maybe it would be a better idea to stay inside because it's raining. Why is it anyone's business if I'm in school right now or not, it's my life (unless of course you are enrolled in school and just not attending because of laziness, then it's "probably a good idea" to go back to school. Do you see how there's more meaning when you replace "should" with other words and phrases? It's just an empty word that reminds me of all those condescending teachers, parents, elders who gave me empty advice without explaining why something was or wasn't the best option for me. i say fuck all of them! You know your options so follow what you know to be the best option for you and you will have a better time coping. You might have a lot of things on your mind and all those "shoulds" get tangled up in your stress and it's just not a good place to be. So stop yourself before you say your next "should" or "shouldn't" and find yourself understanding your options better and having a better time coping! 

"That ruined my day": 

One incident or interaction can't ruin your whole day unless you let it. So why not stop yourself before you say something ruined your day because once you say it out loud, you've usually convinced yourself that it's true. If you think about why something potentially ruined your day, before you say it, you can remember that other things made your day good or great or awesome or productive. You can really switch any day experience into a good one if you think about it with a positive outlook. For example, it sucks when you have a bad experience at a restaurant. The food came out cold and you were waiting for way too long and you had to send your food back because it was too well down and you asked for your steak medium rare and it's brown. That all sucks, but there has to be something about your day, other than your experience at this restaurant that you can think of while experiencing a shitty experience that will turn your mood around. Maybe you can take a nice warm shower when you get home? Or now you can order General Tso's chicken when you get home? Or maybe tomorrow you're going out with the girls to your favorite bar? Better times are ahead and there's no reason to sulk in something that you allowed to ruin your day. So reward yourself for a shitty experience before the shittiness consumes you and you drown in the lake of your self pity and depression. Or just laugh at whatever might have ruined your day, it will make the experience more positive when you look back on it. Remember nothing can ruin your day unless you allow it to, so convince yourself otherwise! 

And continue to happily cope! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#12: Finish something from beginning to end

There are certain things you need stop trying to achieve. Like happiness and true love and all those sweet things that life makes you think you want. But for once, try finishing something that makes you feel better about yourself. 

Like dedicate yourself to watching a full television series from beginning to end even if there are 300+ episodes to watch. Read a book series even if there are 10 books+ books in the series. Get lost in finishing a project. If you tell yourself you are going to finish, you definitely will. 

I have finished so many TV series from beginning to end and even though it was sometimes because I was procrastinating, it was mostly as a coping mechanism. And I'm not going to stop anytime soon because it keeps my mind strong and empathetic towards people in my life. Who says TV ruins your brain? If you're watching it for the wrong reasons it does but if you watch it to follow a person's life like a friend than there's nothing wrong with that. 

Some of my favorite TV characters are Locke from Lost that scrawny nerd from Greek and Walter Bishop from Fringe. And it's all because I followed these series from beginning to end and didn't even watch any of them on TV. I don't think I need to tell you how to watch an episode of a TV show for free, just figure it out. 

Books characters work the same way. 

So get invested in a characters life and make sure it takes up a lot of your time. 

And when you finish that series it will feel so good. It's like finishing a project that you've been working on for a long time. If you dedicate yourself to that project, it feels so good when you finish. 

If you have problems with determination, convince yourself your project is a life or death situation. Or an assignment for school. You are being graded on finishing this book series. 

Maybe it will help if you reflect on what your long term "finish something from beginning to end" goal is. Write a frickin' essay about that TV or book series. 

And when you finish, you will look back on all that time you invested in doing something totally useless for yourself, and see how useful it really was. You finished something, so give yourself a pat on the back and continue...

Happily coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#11: Yell profanities where nobody can hear or care to hear you

We all have to let off steam sometimes. It's okay. You cannot hold in so much anger and passion inside for too long or you might burst into an angry rage at someone who doesn't deserve it--like the woman who accidentally knocks your shoulder with her big bag on the train. Don't let things like that happen if you can help it. I'm not saying you deserve to get hit in the shoulder while getting off the 3 train, but some arguments can be avoided. 

And that same morning after getting hit in the shoulder with that woman's bag, there was also your coworker who blamed you for leaving the lights on when you left when you remembered turning them off before you left and later in the day there's the client who won't stop nagging you about something stupid and your boss telling you she couldn't give you overtime for working late the other week. Hopefully this doesn't sound too familiar because that day just sounds like it sucks. 

But when you get home and there's nobody asking too much of you (for the moment) and all you want to do is curl up in your bed and watch TV--do something that will make you feel better. 

There are many things you can do, like take a nice, long shower or putting your anger into a regrettable attempt to troll on a blog/Youtube/Facebook/whatever else you'd think to troll. Or you can take this suggestion: 

Take a walk or a ride to a park or wooded area or open field where there are minimal or hopefully no people. And just scream profanities into the air at the top of your lungs. Think of all the people who annoyed you throughout the day/week/month/year/life and imagine you are screaming at them. Yell at a rock or a tree. Punch some leaves. But most importantly just curse a lot. 

I did this with a past girlfriend and it really helped me cope through the problems I was having. Actually, it was her idea to scream in the park but then it was my idea to scream profanities--so thanks to her for this one. If you can find someone who is willing to do this with you, go ahead, that just makes it more fun. But if you can't that's okay. 

Scream things like: 

You motherfucking asshole!

Shut the fuck up, shitface! 

Fuck off, dickhead! 

And if you don't want to scream any of those, just scream words or sounds until your lungs can't take it anymore and your face turns blood red. 

This will help you cope for the night, but is not a long term coping mechanism. Maybe the next day you will feel better when you see the people you targeted your foul-mouthed yelling at. And that's good for the meantime, but you're going to want to find other ways to let off steam. 

And remember...

Keep on fucking coping, you fucking fuckitty fuckers!

Or, better yet...

Happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#10: Give something up every month

If you are at a point in your life where nothing seems to be working to keep you emotionally stable, try giving something up every month for a year, I did this when I felt I didn't have control over my life and it helped me feel like I had control and also helped me maintain control when I stopped giving something up for a month. 

This is like Lent, but instead of it being only one month, it continues and also changes every month. I had a lot of fun with this and it helped me make healthier options. 

I decided last January to start giving a certain type of food or drink up for a month within this 2012 year. I gave up bacon, soda, chocolate, cheese, red meat, ice cream (in the hottest month of the year), everything fried, bread (since it already was Passover in April, I decided to cut out bread the whole month), chips, for one month each. This began the realization that i needed to lose weight and gave me a feeling of control over that aspect of my life. Even though I didn't lose weight cutting one food out of my diet for a month at a time, I came to the conclusion after 11 months that I had to lose weight and I've been losing weight ever since. 

But maybe you don't have to lose weight. Maybe you have to cut a bad habit out of your daily routine. Like, maybe you're going through a bad break-up and you just need a break from that one person. Give yourself that break and don't talk to him or her for exactly one month. Tell that person you are need a month or don't tell them because that might hurt them more than they're already hurt. Just give yourself this break to see if you actually can live without them, which you probably can--happily, too. 

After not having a habit or a person a food in your life for a month, you can see how easy it can be to maintain that  control over your life for longer amounts of time. 

If you are addicted to something, this technique might work in shorter spans of time until you ween yourself off whatever you are addicted to. A day without a drink, a week without a drink, 10 days without a drink, until you've successfully gotten rid of that addiction. 

You will be happier once you've came to the conclusion that there is something you need to change in your life. And once you've come to that conclusion, your next step is to see if you can actually change even if it's for a little bit of time. 

I used to have a soda with almost every meal every day. I used to have bacon cheeseburgers two to three times a week and I used to indulge in chocolate treats every single night. After I cut one ingredient out of my diet for a month it was easier to live without that food for longer periods of time and I found alternatives. Like seltzer instead of soda, grilled chicken sandwiches instead of bacon cheeseburgers and fruit every night instead of a piece of chocolate. There are smarter and healthier alternatives for every unhealthy decision you make. Just give yourself some time to try out that alternative. Say, a month? 

Maybe mom is yelling at you about everything you do and you aren't satisfied with your work and school is stressing you out and you're not sleeping well because of all this crap, well this is sign you've lost control and need to find it, so do the easiest thing you can and cut out a food for a month, every month for a year and you will see how easy it is to control those uncontrollable factors. 

So keep control and happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#9: Start thinking realistically about your future

This one is for all those college-aged folks out there. In order to avoid becoming a lazy college graduate bum with a part-time job that has nothing to do with your college studies, before it's too late, you're going to want to think realistically about what you want to do with your life. I know when I started thinking realistically, I became much happier with what I've decided to study and pursue as a career. 

For me, what helped me think realistically was getting a position in a day program for mentally disabled people, which had nothing to do with what I was studying at the time, which was journalism. But after getting this position, it became a 360 degree turn with my goals in college and a future career path. 

This is probably the hardest decision you must make before it's too late. I only had 32 credits before I decided to change everything around with my studies, so I advise giving yourself a "pre-welcome to the real world check-up" before it's too late. 

First, do your research. Really think about what your interests are and what you can honestly see yourself doing with your life. And world traveler is not a good enough goal. Unless you have unlimited funds to splurge on, you're going to want to be heading for a career that will give you that independence you need in order to survive in the real world. When I mean do your research, I mean take an online quiz for what career fits your interests and personality (but don't rely on only this), search Google for your interests and what careers match that. Once you have a list of careers, it's time to think about now. What courses can you take at the intro level that will help you see if you want to work in that field? 

I'm starting at Empire State College next month and I'm taking Introduction to Human Services, because I'm considering social work as a field I can realistically work in and be happy with. 

Thinking realistically about your future will help you maintain stability because it's a step in the right direction towards a happier future. Maybe you are in a funk because all your courses are hard and depressing. So, take an Intro to Psych, Intro to Business, Intro to Linguistics...whatever you're into. 

I know it's fun to take classes that you think would be fun, but if you're majoring in Film Studies and you aren't seriously considering a career in Film, then why are you doing it? Stop before it's too late and you're sitting on your parent's couch watching TV in the middle of the day with a BA in Couch Potato Arts or more realistically Spanish Literature or Gender Studies. 

It is okay to think about what career will bring in the highest salary and is definitely important to consider in your "pre-welcome to the real world check-up." Who wants to be 30 and still asking Mommy and Daddy for money? You want to be independent and you can be! 

Happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#8: No regrets

By living with no regrets, I don't mean "YOLO" because that phrase is just widely overused and usually pertains to ridiculous situations like jumping off the top of a house into a pool or eating ten chili peppers at once. If you want to be all out crazy, that's fine. But what I really want to talk about here is when you regret something and how to turn that into something you're thankful for happening. 

There are certain things you just can't help from happening. When my father was getting sicker and sicker and ended up in the hospital, I didn't visit him. And when he passed away, I was terribly disappointed that I hadn't gone and visited him. But did I really want my last memories of him to be of him in the hospital being sick and depressing me? No, I didn't want that. I kept hold of those happy memories and therefore avoided regretting my choice to not see him in the hospital. I could have regretted not seeing him, but I thought about it and really was happy I didn't see him in his last few days. I couldn't help that he was going to die so there was no reason to regret not seeing him. 

But then there are other things you probably could have helped from happening. When you open up to someone honestly about their problems, this is something that might come back to smack you in the face later but don't regret that decision. You are a smart person, who makes smart decisions with your life. Every choice you make comes from somewhere reasonable, so there is no reason to regret it. I don't mean you should go around telling everyone what you honestly think about them, but when you do, don't regret that decision later even if it comes back to bite you in the butt. 

Even if you make a dumb decision, stand behind that decision. And maybe next time you are in the position to make the same dumb decision, you will go the other way and make a smarter one. Even a dumb choice can be seen as a smart one with this outlook. You drank too much last night and told your best friend that they are a shitty friend and really hurt their feelings. Now you know for next time you get drunk that you have to remember to hold back your drunk instinct to be rude. And if you can't do that, then don't get drunk, dude. Your choices might hurt others, but still don't regret whatever choice hurt people. Next time you tell an offensive joke, look around the room to see if there are any overweight people, or better yet don't tell fat jokes because they offend many people. 

Also, it is okay to regret a stupid decision for a second, but now you know that next time you will not do whatever you regretted this time. And whatever you don't regret actually makes you a stronger and more positive person. You will be the person who thinks of the cup half full instead of the depressing cup-half-empty guy. 

So, living with no regrets will help you cope better with those tough problems that seem anti-happy inducing. Even if you overdosed and ended up in the hospital, at least you're still alive and hopefully in a place where that won't happen again, but look at it as a low in your life that made you a stronger person now. 

You only live once, so why regret anything? How was the regrettable situation beneficial? Try it out. And...

Happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#7: Write letters and "send" them

Everyone has that person (or people) they want to tell something to but that something would be inappropriate or most likely wrongly taken. But you have this something creating stress for you because you will never have the guts to tell them. And maybe you don't have this problem with anyone, but how about people you will never get a chance to meet and you have something to let them know but don't really want them knowing. And more than likely, if you got this something off your back, you would be able to lead a happier and more fulfilling existence. 

Get out some paper and write that person a damn old fashioned letter. "Dear ____" and your name at the end. Somebody told me that it's a good idea to actually put the letter in the mailbox without any postage after writing it and "send" it off. I haven't tried this method, but maybe it will work for you. I didn't try this because I like keeping my worrisome, obscure and personal thoughts to myself in my journal, but I have a way of getting these thoughts out of my head after writing the letter. 

After signing the letter, I read the letter aloud and really listen to whatever I feel I have to say to the person. And this helps me decide if whatever I have to say is worth saying to that person. But saying whatever I have to say in the bluntest way helps me to kindly rephrase the blunt and hopefully leads to me actually telling the person what I think they ought to know about my thoughts. 

This isn't always possible because sometimes the person you want to tell something is deceased or you don't even know them or maybe their a fictional character. By writing a letter to even these people, you can hope their spirit is listening to you and you will leave the letter writing feeling like you've spoken to that person. 

You aren't going to get a response, but at least you're getting some baggage out onto paper and out of your messed up head. Say what you need to say, just don't send it but make it real by either putting it in a mailbox without postage or reading it aloud. Nobody is going to get it or hear you say it, but you will have an easier time getting over whatever you had on your mind....

And a easier time coping. Happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#6: Be your own boss and put yourself on a mission

This one is yet another one where I emphasize keeping busy and staying away from the evil realm of boredom. And you can keep busy doing anything. So think of your life like this and maybe you will become more motivated: You have your own self managed business and in this business you are the one and only responsibility. Set up a list of missions that need to get tackled in and around your life starting with the most important and ending with those fun missions. Think about how you will achieve these missions (or more plainly, you would call them "goals"). Write down the steps you need to take in order to consider the mission complete. It's okay if it never will be complete--but you're just putting yourself to a job, Mr. I'm-My-Own-Boss. 

One mission that I am very proud I put myself on is the mission to lose weight. I knew this would take a major lifestyle change, but I thought about it like it was a job responsibility of mine and it made the whole experience more meaningful in the end. My first objective was to change my eating patterns, so I immediately started with the Weight Watchers diet, buying myself the online membership--which meant that I also had a financial obligation to lose weight. Then, more recently, I bought a gym membership and have been going three times a week (after work twice a week and on Saturday mornings) which made another financial obligation for me to lose weight. I think about losing weight as if I'm trying to get a promotion at work. I put myself on the mission and achieve the set-up goals that are put in front of me, changing eating patterns and working out on a schedule. And guess what? It works. I've already lost 15 pounds since December and won't be complete with my mission until I have lost 25 more pounds. 

When thinking about what mission to put yourself on, think about what needs improvement in your life. Do you feel lonely? Do you have a lot of work to do for school? Are you trying to land a job position? If you don't dedicate yourself to whatever your mission is, it won't get done. And if you really don't want to start on a new mission because it's scary and overwhelming, make positive reinforcements along the way so you can reward yourself for making progress. Watch an episode of your favorite TV show (my personal favorite right now is Fringe) or call a friend. 

So go out there and be your own boss. Think about the future--what will your mission mean to you in the distant future. Is your mission to juggle five courses: remember you're reaching for that degree you need to get the career of your dreams. Is your mission to sober up from an addiction: remember you will be a healthier and happier person without the drugs, or alcohol or whatever other substance is keeping you going. Or maybe you mission is to be nicer to your family: remember you need to maintain a good relationship with family because they are there for you when you need them and they expect your support in return. 

Don't make missions for yourself that won't help you maintain stability. Think realistically. Would going on a mission to become a famous ballroom dancer really be realistic. Start with a smaller mission like working on your ballroom technique and enroll in a class or your school's social practices. 

Think big, but keep your missions small in comparison to the big picture. 

Happy coping! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#5: Talk yourself through any struggle

I just read through my posts and they all seem to follow a pattern, which is okay. I don't think I'm repeating myself in every post, but even if I am it's okay because I'm getting my point across in more than one way which is for the best of my purpose with this blog. This "point" is that staying busy is the key to keeping your sanity and having a better time coping. I never like to hear that anyone is bored because that means they aren't making the best of whatever life brings their way. Yes, sometimes your boredom can come from the people you are (forced to be) around but there is a way to get yourself out of that boredom, and it's by conditioning yourself to never be bored. 

The way to condition yourself to never be bored (or really, through any struggle you find yourself in) is by talking to yourself at every moment you are awake. I don't mean announcing your thoughts to the world and speaking in the second person, I mean being aware of your thoughts maybe more than you already are. Being aware of your thoughts can help the other side of you, the one that wants to keep you happy, from being depressed, bored, angry. 

Maybe there is some technical term for the voices in your head, but I will just call them the happy and the nonhappy ones. You never want to find yourself not talking yourself through a hard time without using your happy voice because if you don't your nonhappy voice will get the best of you and next thing you know you'll be driving the car off the ledge or more realistically being passive aggressive to your girlfriend through text messages. 

I'm not going to go through a list of scenarios that this will work, but really it can be applied to anything. But I will list some things to tell or ask yourself while in the midst of a struggle with your thoughts. These thoughts will boost the happy voice so it can intervene and guide you. 

- What was I doing that got me to this thought? 

 - I want to (insert happy activity) right now. 

- What can I do to get me to this happy activity/place? 

- So, I can't get out this unhappy place/situation, but let's look around and find something funny about this place/situation. 

- Sometimes life will seem like it sucks, but at least I have (something/someone you enjoy) and hopefully I will spend time doing that/with that person later. 

- How can I make this unhappy situation never happy again? 

- Why do I feel this way? Do I need help? How can I get that help ASAP? 

These are just some ways to help yourself out of an emotional struggle. But there are many ways to use your optimistic voice to your advantage. And sometimes it might help to use a journal for this to work. I usually use my journal and write out my thoughts that are upsetting me and then my happy voice comes out on paper and helps me overcome my struggles. 

Try it out and good luck coping! 

And I don't know how this post went from boredom to talking to yourself, but I like where it went! 

[bookofsalutations-blog]

#4: Get lost in something

You can get lost doing many activities from getting lost in a book to giving attention to a hobby. What I mean by "lost" is taking your mind off of the occasional shitty things that life brings your way. It's still important to deal with those shitty situations and not totally escape from them, but time to let your mind wander and calm down for a while is important to coping with the craziness of life. I have two ways you can get lost and allow your mind to wander, but take this coping mechanism in whatever way you desire. I just advise not to get lost in a person or a harmful activity. A harmful activity like going on daily trips on a drug is a way to get lost, but obviously causes many other problems that you would have to ask a professional about. What I mean by not getting "lost in a person" is to not get lost in a relationship or friendship. People are important to have in your life but a girl or boy cannot the only thing that is helping you get lost. I'm not shitting on the idea of being in a relationship, so go ahead and find that someone, but it's not a good idea to make that person your way of escaping because people are not there for you to escape to. Find your peace within yourself and then allow someone else in, not the other way around. I'm not sure if that makes sense, especially if you're in a relationship that you are obsessed with, so hopefully this hits home with some people. 

Back to the ways to get lost that will help you maintain your mental health: 

1. Get lost in a movie, book or TV show

These activities are good ways to let your mind wander and get your head out of whatever is bothering you. I'm always in the middle of a book because it's where I enjoy getting lost. One book I'm reading right now is Boomsday by Christopher Buckley. When I need a break, I just pull it out and get lost in the life of Cass Devine and Congressman Jepperson. Their lives seem so much easier to analyze then my own sometimes, and book characters sometimes help me figure out what's best for me to do in my life. Movies and TV shows are other ways to get lost in other people's lives. Movies are an approximate 2.5 hour escape, except when you're getting lost in a movie series with an extended story of fictional(ized) characters. Television shows are also good ways to escape. 

2. Get lost in a hobby

The same idea goes for hobbies. Give your productive energy to a hobby that will keep you active and happy while also giving you a break from life. Just think relaxing, nothing stressful. And if that hobby gets too stressful, stop yourself before the stress takes over your life. One of my hobbies is ballroom dancing. Even though I still haven't found a place to socially do my hobby, whenever I need a break from life, I just tune out everything with my IPod and put on some Michael Buble for a good old foxtrot. Other hobbies I have gotten involved in include working out, writing fiction and extensively researching a topic (like specific mental illnesses and interesting people). These are ways that I tune out from the world for a bit, but then I return to the real world and become active again. 

So go out there and get lost doing something that will not hurt you or anyone else. Find your niche! It's okay to get lost in the world of something else, but remember the real world is still here waiting for you to take care of the important things. 

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#3: Organize your life

Organizing your life is another important way to cope with your problems. With people in my generation freaking out about not having a plan most of the time, this one will help you realize that you do have a plan and, hey, you actually are going places with your life. So how do you organize your complex life to help you with all those freak-outs and panic-attacks you seem to be having? 

- First organize your things: Literally means clean your living space up so you don't feel like you're living in the middle of hell. This means finding a place for the socks that just find themselves crawling up behind the bed frame. If you like living that way, I guess you like living like a pig? That was cute when you were a kid, but now you are attempting to live like an adult and being a slob is just not going to make it in the real world. Now maybe you say you are a slob by nature. It's nice to meet more people like me, then. I'm one of those people, but that doesn't mean my mess isn't in some kind of order. It might look like a mess, but make sure your mess at least makes sense to you! 

- Next organize your routine: Sticking to some kind of routine is really important, even if that routine is just getting up at the same time every day. Your body will like when you are on a schedule with it. I'm not telling you to get out of bed and do something with your life (but finding a job would probably help give you a routine, hey, that's what helped me!). And if you're in school and feel that you cannot stick to a routine, well that is incorrect because you can be involved in many activities and still stick to a schedule. One thing that really helps me is to make a schedule for myself on Sunday so I know what I have to do every day of the week and so I can plan around my already scheduled activities (like work, doctor's appointments, already planned hangouts). And if I have to add anything, I make sure to leave space on my huge calendar. 

Organizing your life this way will help you feel more together and less like a confused mess who never keeps dates or appointments because something always comes up. I'm tired of people my age cancelling on me because something came up. If you had me penciled in you would have been able to tell whoever else you're seeing that you were busy. But understandably, emergencies happen and I know parents/family can be annoying in giving you other plans when you already had plans, but still tardiness with friends is not okay. 

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#2: Do things that makes you feel good about yourself

This coping mechanism can come in many shapes and sizes for whatever you are doing in your life. For me, doing something makes me feel good about myself means taking care of others and also taking care of myself. If you can find a job or volunteer position as a caregiver, it will give you a lot to feel good about. If that's taking care of an elderly person or volunteering in the pediatric's section of the hospital, you will feel the effects of this. Suddenly, some of your problems will disappear because you will find yourself responsible for taking care of someone else. But making someone else's life your top priority is not what I'm suggesting--because making someone your top priority is a way to escape from your problems and that is not an efficient way to cope. This is why you have to do other things to make you feel good about being you. 

That is the other part of this technique: taking care of yourself. That might be going on a diet, going to the doctor for a checkup, or going to the gym. For me, taking care of myself is a top priority, that of course comes before taking care of others. I recently started Weight Watchers and now I'm feeling better about myself. I also just got a gym membership and that is going to eventually make me feel a lot better about myself. 

Taking care of yourself more efficiently will help you cope better because this will help you realize how human you are. You will never go back to not taking care of yourself because you will start to love taking care of yourself and have a clear purpose for yourself. 

Hopefully this will help you get out of your depression and/or feeling of being stuck since you will be making progress in your life and therefore will be out of the quicksand and back on your feet. 

And go to the doctor! If you aren't feeling yourself lately or there's a pain in your head every night, take care of that problem. Waiting for your health to get better will not make you feel better, being proactive about your health will make you feel better. Trust me, medicating yourself without professional help is not a good idea. Maybe you don't believe medicine will help you, but give it a try. If you're having that hard a time coping in this world, medicine is a good option to make you feel better about yourself. 

Happy coping! 

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It's important to keep mental health in mind, especially after the tragic shooting in Newton, CT. 

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A list of lists part 2 - December 16

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This list of lists is great!