Okay so this ones gonna be like really dark,
But like...Thank fucking GOD there was finally an open therapist for me to see when there was, cuz I was so close to comitting and otherwise and there would've been a very specific group of people that would've known it was probably because of them-
When I eventually die I dont want anyone to blame themselves for it, even if it is inherently their fault, because although Im doing so much better there are occasionally weak spots in that 'better' where I think about it again, and i cant help but think about the people that would blame themselves. The people who would be to blame, but dont deserve to bare that on their shoulders. the people that need me now and the people that will need me in the future.
The no.1 reason I could never kill myself isnt because im afraid of what does or doesnt happen after, but because I know how much losing someone that way hurts, and I could never be selfish enough to put someone through that.
In my eyes, the most hurtful thing you can do to someone is take life away from yourself.
So, anyone actually reading right now...
Yes, I would notice if you didnt wake up.
Yes, I would notice if you never logged on.
Yes, I would notice if your spot was empty.
Yes, I would notice if your voice wasn't there.
Yes, I would notice if your smell didnt fill a room.
Yes, I would notice if your smile died with you.
Yes, i would notice if your spark was gone.
Yes. I would notice how you hide yourself.
Yes. I would notice if you were gone.
I would notice if you died.