DOUBTS, INSERCURITY AND ANXIETY
The title is blood red, why? because when I used to have doubts, and still didn't really understand non-dualism at all, my brain would set off alarms with flickering fiery red lights. As if they were forbidden , as if I was committing some crime and conducting treason. Many of us find it difficult to deal with doubts, anxiety, insecurity because it just feels so bad, so ickish... so painful an it instantly sends us into a spiral- "Oh No! I'm not supposed to be thinking this, I'm supposed to be Zen and indifferent all the time!" "NO!!! All my progress has gone to waste.." (spoiler alert: there is no progress to be made) or just endless interaction with the (seeming) thought and just piling on to the insecurity and discomfort. Trust me, we've ALL been there, and it's COMPLETELY and ABSOLOUTELY normal and OKAY. Because guess what? This will blow your mind: IT IS IRRELEVENT. I'm serious. You could think the most gruesome, ugly, thoughts about yourself and your dream but it doesn't affect " " at all. SO, what does this mean? It means these thoughts aren't yours!! You aren't the thinker!! CELEBRATE that for a moment! bask in freedom of that realization. These thoughts are from of the ego, or character or WHATEVER. Thing is, this ego is an illusion.
Thoughts, feelings, sensations, DESIRES = Ego
Ego = "the ego doesn’t exist. It’s not a person nor an entity or anything like that. It’s just a longtime held onto perception. It’s just a pile of ideas, concepts, states of mind, thoughts and feelings that we’re clung to and built upon like a castle of cards. It was never you. It was never truly real. It seemed to be because you were it. It cannot exist without you knowing yourself as it." - @crystaldust
Conclusion is, whatever you are going through right now, you are not actually going through. (sounded better in my head) Instead, there is only " " observing a ILLUSIONARY life with a nice lil character and basically in different forms. So everything is " " (the character, the life, other people, the dirty clothes on your floor you're not gonna clean up, etc) are all just different forms of " " so basically just " " observing " " which also mean that nothing is REALLY happening. Like yes I just failed my chemistry test but is there really anything happening here?? without labels, words and meaning what is there? no thing. So even the doubtful, fearful, anxious and insecure thoughts are nothing, you are assigning illusionary meaning to them and on top of that taking them to be you. Like? And what is absoloutellyyy hilarioussss is that " " put this dream or play on itself, and on purpose for fun, and you're acting like it's the end of the world.
On a more serious note though, I know how hard it can be to see negative thoughts for what they really are! and to stop taking the illusion so seriously. There's death, murder, poverty, starvation and many things to react to. I know it can be hard. I know trust me, but in all honesty, guys, you are the observer! not the person. And again, I will repeat this until your ears bleed. It is ALL COMPLETELY Illusionary. This does not mean you're not allowed to bawl your eyes out or react to anything at all- infact, I mean the contrary. Do WHAT YOU WANT. It doesn't matter, there is no "process" to mess up on here. Just come back and notice " " It's always there anyway even observing right now. And remember not to be harsh on yourself and take good care of yourself :) and most importantly have fun.
(im super sorry this post is very long and chaotic im going to try to add some pretty colors and pictures and stuff in later so that people actually read it but bye and ily)
