#noetry

[sirenbehavior]

Its hard to be who I am.

I reach

And reach

Not for people

But, unknowingly, into them

And neither of us are ready for that I suppose.

-- N.J.H

[allyoursaltfortheday]

Thinking of you

12:36AM: Laying in the slimmest crescent on the narrowest edge of the bed, I swear I can feel your heaving chest behind me. Your heart beating with mine. I inhale and, dammit, I think I breathe you in Spit out my breath Alone in bed. 12:40AM *throws whole body across bed, getting cozy with every pillow and blanket* but biiiiiiiiitch SNOOZEVILLE, BABYDOLL

[scumgristle]

[pareidolyeah]

Some responses require

One hundred NO’s in a row

Or higher.

[swingsdown]

a litany

a photo of the cat (ours, mine, really— seeing the flash of his eyes in the headlights;

picking him up in that dark parking lot; the way he’d howled that first night, 10pm to 3am, stroking the ruffled fur by myself, telling him that it would be alright because we would love him now)

now yours, now someone else’s

finding an old order confirmation for the little bar set i’d bought, a wedding gift with a tag that says from us

(“thank you, i can’t wait to use this with you”,

and now it’s someone else, now there is another conveniently timed, conveniently familiar person sitting on the couch we’d picked out,

the couch that we’ve fucked on, cried on, drinking out of the same glasses, using the plates that i hated because they were too heavy, that i bought anyways because you’d said you liked them) now no longer from us, now no longer—

i don’t want you. i don’t love you. i don't even like you.

but:

the cookbooks, the knives, the headphones, the sweaters,

the late nights with warm arms brutally bad volleyball games in the dark the home that i’d painstakingly built for myself;

i had to uproot myself with devastating force; why didn’t you?

why do you get to slide someone into my life my home mine mine mine so easily?

i want to walk the 900 odd miles back to you, so i could rip everything that i ever gave you, wipe every shred of influence, of goodness that i ever shared with you i want to tear that away until you hurt like i’d hurt i want you to beg, and just once, i want to take back the kindness, and leave you with even less than you’d left me.

[mittelpunk]

It feels like I'm drowning in this fucking town. Reaching for air in far away places and new people hoping to stop this loneliness in my bones.

[omnishamblegreg]

Granny’s house The kind of house that’s meant to be full to the brim. Witticisms and nerf darts whizz through the air Puns, snorts, sarcastic savagery Tickle monsters, untuned piano keys, In-jokes and remote control cars, Irritating nicknames, And affectionate ones that sound like songs Kima, Kar-rimmer, Cream-cake Nothing gets tidied up. The floor is permanent duvet Cbeebies is always on A lone family member Sipping tea at midnight With whom to have a deep conversation Leaving you bamboozled come morning One cousin eyes still wide at dawn Keyboard taps a trance With whom to sit in silence Share earphones and thoughts Someone wants a piggy back Someone wants to show you a new song Explain the intricacies of technology Have a daring sword fight Or just Watch something And laugh and gawp and cry together While consuming everything edible in the house.

But when everyone leaves The back room is silent The duvets must be tidied, Stacked neatly away in the airing cupboard. Somehow There’s nothing on TV any more. The looming pile of homework shouts for attention The board games hold no interest You find something they left behind: An entire bag of dirty washing A mouse pad, colourful toothpaste, blue fingerprints. But make do with who you have Because they love you too.

[omnishamblegreg]

Got wood smoke in my hair Flicking at my chest The embers in the soil Like glinting fairies fading out Fire is relaxing Whoever heard of Stressing at a bonfire? You're supposed to sit Wait until the summer When the grass is parched and golden And the night is still And we can huddle around that fire And sleep with forget me nots And i'll make you happy Trust me. This garden With the imprints of childhood Sandpits and cellar The jungle of lilies Ivy entwined on the stone seat With honeysuckle leaning down An ancient throne Hill of grass perfect for tumbling For water slides Climb over the fence for a dive into the unknown Fight with the hosepipe This garden was immense But now i stride and There and back again Is nothing at all No adventure anymore But it’s still there It's sweet melancholy And I can still enjoy it Still treasure the warm darkness of a tent Swathed in duvets with rain caressing canvas Foxes pawing curious Its still my favourite garden Now its just Less jungle More comfort And i'm just pitifully romantic.