#non-binary stories

[wecanalldobetter]

me: *sees post about being a woman*

me: that's not true i don't relate don't that at all

me: wait i'm not a woman

me: oh

[trixclibrarian]

non-binary

A more than fifty-year-old tradition at skating rinks across the midwest, the Wipeout game. The dj plays the wipeout song {now days the 1988 version} and then, at random during the spin, he cuts off the music and says, through the mic, “wipe out!”. All the skaters fall to the ground and... somehow it’s a contest. 

When I was a kid, I was not a very good skater. Back then, girls made a lot of fun of me, for pretty much everything and I was clumsy and never got over being terribly anxious. I spent all my time trying not to fall. And thus, falling a lot. Back then they played the wipeout game as a contest between every skater. The caller on the mic would announce a number between one and five, depending upon how crowded it was, and the last one or three or five people to fall down would be out, each round. There were always two high school kids on staff, great skaters, and they pointed and called out the last to fall with a long arm and an index finger. I always played but I was always relieved to be out early, when fewer people were on the sidelines watching your clumsy anxious exit off the floor. 

Now, with no staff skaters on the floor at the modern rink, it is usually a contest between the girls and the boys. I remember when I first started to skate five years ago. I HATED this idea. I wanted to boycott but... the prize for winning is an all-girls or all-boys skate. So if you sit out that round and the girls lose..? That’s two songs in a row you have to sit out - while the boys skate the all-boys skate. When I first started skating again five years ago, sitting out was pure torture. I HATED sitting on the sidelines more than i hated the gender nonsense bullshit. Plus, all-girls skate is a great time to skate on one leg if the rink is busy and I felt guilty skating the prize skate if I wasn’t willing to play the game. 

These days, I still play the wipeout game often... for all those same reasons and also because, I interact with folks at the rink. Kids ask me how I can skate backwards so well or on one leg and I laugh and say practice and don’t be afraid of falling. I say, the astronauts found out impact is the one thing that makes your bones denser and stronger! I say all that as I skate past. I never quit skating mostly. 

So, if there is a kid who keeps falling or who is really afraid or who is really enjoying being inspired by watching me skate, playing wipeout is a way to put my money where my mouth is. Everybody falls. I used to fall so much. Now the accidental fall is much more rare, so... I skate wipeout. And I let them see me fall. I smile and laugh just like I did when I fell for real. The surprise of it all. 

That is introduction to a set of recent interactions. Friday night skate is quiet but there are a bunch of regular middle schoolers who skate. About twenty odd altogether, more boys than girls and they all don’t always show up but... middle schoolers are friendly. And middle-schoolers are all about romance at the rink. They are... open, not coy. There are a couple of same-sex girl couples, no out boys, but a few who aren’t afraid to be suspected. Several affectionate but shifting-membership hetero couples. So, middle-schoolers are fun to skate around. They tease me sometimes and interact with me distantly, in passing. They are not obnoxious. We like each other. 

A few weeks ago, on a Sunday afternoon, a bunch of these same middle schoolers were at the rink, mostly the boys. We played wipeout and the girls won. During all-skate... all-girls-skate, one of these “boys” was skating. I teased them and said, “Hey!” with a long-armed moving extended-index-finger-point. “This is ALL-GIRLS skate.” They smiled and shrugged and left the floor. 

But... immediately after I was like, SHIT! WHAT DID I JUST DO..?! I watched for them after that but the whole group left very soon after wipeout got over and I never made eye-contact with them again. 

Last night, the person was there with a big bunch again of mostly boys and a of couple long-hair, very-femme girls. We all cleared the floor after beginner-backwards-skate ended and we were hanging at the entrance to rink waiting for them to call for advance skaters. It was just me and the person I had chased off all-girls skate, we were close enough for me to speak. 

I said, “Hey, do you remember when I chased you off all-girls skate?” They smiled and nodded... I said, “I screwed up. That was bitchy of me. You decide when you skate, who you are. That was none of my business.” They smiled. Pushed out their t-shirted chest enough to reveal the outline of a training bra underneath. And then skated away - to advance backward skate. We made eye-contact a couple more times and exchanged smiles. I do not know what or where their gender identity preferences lie but I... really like this person as a person. This kid is a strong and brave and open and amazing skating person. 

I am learning. I am learning. 

Boys-against-girls wipeout IS stupid. But we live with it. We can live with it. We can live with each other in spite of and through and with and because of the stupid traditions. We are what matter, to each other, after all. One way to protest boys against girls skate parameters is just let it all unfold. There will be young people willing to decide for themselves which and when they skate. There will be people who skate no matter which gender wins and all the better. All the better. Hoorah.