Nothing sucks more than waking up too damn soon. Three hours of sleep, still tired, yet two hours later I'm still wide awake. Been laying here in bed, reading a text debate between my sister and dad over a water bill. Highly entertaining. Not. I finally booked our Denver hotel stay. I put a bid in for Saga (first) Class for the return flight. Hope Icelandair accepts it. That's how they do their upgrades. There's a business class as well. Fuck it. I want a three course Icelandic meal over Arctic skies. I'd shit of they accept our bid. First class is highly overrated, if flying intercontinental for three hours or less. For three hours+ or an overseas flight? It's a must. Having worked for the airline, I took advantage of the flight bennies. Pre 9/11, flying coach was either free or around ten bucks within the lower 48. First class was twenty bucks. For real. A first class round trip flight to Amsterdam was around $220 with all fees/taxes. Seriously. After 9/11? It became impossible to fly standby (non-rev) because of the major reduction in available flights. The flights were no longer free. Prices went up. I left the business due to the crappy perks, high health insurance, and increased stress. Stress due to the constant changing of TSA rules, increased passenger irritability and impatience with delayed flights, and low pay. I'd always made up for the low pay by picking up overtime when someone traveled, but no one was taking time to travel after 9/11 because of the difficulty of guaranteed seating as a non-rev. It was also a job, so often immersed in stressful situations, I often fought with an internal vengeance from experiencing an all-out panic attack. I've always had stage fright. I've always shunned from strangers. However, the challenge to forcefully place myself into a situation, which I know damn well I could run and cower from, only drove me to fight my weaknesses, to try harder, and succeed. To conquer and win over my anxiety. I always triumphed. Always. As I age, I find difficulty in fighting my anxiety. Hence, the medication. Lexapro. 15mg/day. I suppose I'm getting tired of fighting. It's so much bullshit. This forever nuisance called anxiety is much like an over drawn exhausting inner drama. Kinda like those long-running daytime tele soap operas. Same bullshit; different day.