#nonbinary dean

[ivydean]

​john winchester how does it feel that both of ur kids are the entire lgbt acronym.

[sahrayliathefaelia]

amab nonbinary dean wearing a flowy high-low floral skirt and black lace crop top with an olive 90s silk bomber jacket and weathered doc martens is something that can actually be so personal

[lesbiandeancas]

what did u say I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my bestie nonbinary dean winchester drinking his lil boba drink 🧋

(buy me a coffee!)

[t4tsaileen]

god ok. everyone on my dash is posting trans dean which got me thinking about my Transmasc Nonbinary Dean Agenda. like he knows hes not a girl from a young age so like obviously this means hes a guy. and goes w that for years. and then like. he meets castiel “no gender just little a masculinity. as a treat.” lastname and hes like. you can fucking do that. you can just fuck with your gender like that??? but simply refuses to admit it to himself and continues with his performance of toxic masculinity for years until hes like. ok fuck this im just gonna do whatever now. and fucking nons his binary.

[i-miss-balthazar]

The Real Dean Winchester

Warnings: John Winchester was a bad dad, internalized homophobia

Rating: General Audiences

Pairing: Destiel 

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Dean Winchester had a very closed off childhood. There was no denying it, it was John’s way or the highway. So Dean was raised in that mindset, and John Winchester was a very… old fashioned person. Sam was different, Sam refuted John every chance he could. Sam learned things for himself, because he didn’t want to learn from John. Dean didn’t have that luxury, because Dean was never John’s favourite son. He couldn’t argue with John because he was terrified of what would happen if he did. John didn’t love him the same as he loved Sam, so Dean was constantly trying to catch up, trying to make John proud. He did everything John asked. Became John’s little soldier. Dean Winchester stopped being his own person, and he started being a second John Winchester. 

~|~

Dean was stuck like that for so long, he lost sight of who he was. Who Dean was. Now he was trying to uncover that, but opening that box inside of him was a long and difficult process. And it started with Castiel. 

Castiel sparked something within him that he hadn’t felt since eighth grade. Something he shut out because John made him. Dean fell in love with Castiel. And he fought it so long because Castiel was a boy. That was wrong. He wasn’t allowed to fall in love with a boy. Of course Dean would never admit this out loud, but some people knew. That’s where Gabriel came in. 

Gabriel had been the first one to challenge what he had known. Gabriel caught Dean staring at Cas longingly. Wanting, but knowing that he could never have. 

“Why not?” Gabriel had asked. 

“Get out of my head.” Dean growled. 

“Stop thinking so loud.” The archangel shrugged. Dean hoped he would have left it there, but Gabriel was nothing if not persistent. “Why can’t you have him? Bet if you walked over there and kissed him, he’d be over the moon. The pining is getting tiring, Dean-o, go on.” Gabriel nudged him, trying to get him to go.

“No, Gabriel. That’s not… right.” Dean frowned. Not that he had anything against gay people, he was fine with them, but that just wasn’t who he was. Who he was supposed to be. 

“Since when? I’ve been kissing guys longer than I can remember! Your brother is next on the list.” Gabriel snorted. 

“What?” Dean blinked. 

“Point is, go Dean. No one’s gonna stop you. No one’s gonna see you different. You aren’t going to prison for loving someone. Just go.” Gabriel insisted. Dean thought about that really hard. He was… right. What difference did it make? So Dean did what Gabriel said. He got up and he kissed Castiel. And Castiel kissed him back. 

~|~

Castiel was slowly breaking down all the walls John had made. Little things, but one by one, Castiel replaced the bad with the good. Dean could never repay him for that. He was a much more open person. Gabriel had claimed Castiel had removed the stick from Dean’s ass (with a few more graphic words that made Sam consider grabbing a gun, though he hadn’t decided which of them to shoot yet). Life was good like this. It made Dean realize he missed out in his younger years. Many times Dean wished he was stronger. Wished he was like Sam. 

~|~

It was a hunt. A simple salt and burn, but one of the witnesses - Echo, they’d called themself - stuck in Dean’s mind after it was over. Dean didn’t want to be rude, he had just been so confused. It was a relief Sam took over. So Dean decided to ask Gabriel about it, because Gabriel seemed to be all knowing. Like a walking gay encyclopedia. 

“Gabriel?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s… non-binary?” That caught Gabriel’s attention, drawing his honey gaze away from the marshmallow-and-toothpick-castle he was creating.

“Questioning things, Dean-o?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. Dean scowled. “We met someone on a case, they said they were ‘non-binary’. I… what does that mean?” Dean sighed. 

“Ah. I see. Well Dean, you’ve heard of boy and girl, right?” He asked. Dean nodded. “Non-binary is another gender. Means neither a guy nor a girl.” Gabriel shrugged. That made Dean’s head spin. Of course the first thought was if they weren’t a boy or a girl, what did they have under the belt? Dean must’ve been thinking loudly, because Gabriel rolled his eyes with a resounding ‘ugh’. “No, dumbass. Sex is what’s in the pants. Gender is a lot more diverse. You’ve heard of trans, right?” Dean nodded. “So you know some people feel as though their gender doesn’t match their body? Though they were born, say, female, they feel as though they’re a male?” Dean nodded once more. “Well some people don’t feel like they are females, though they’re in a female body. But they don’t necessarily feel male either. It happens to people born in a male body too. These people can identify as non-binary. Somewhere in between female and male.” Gabriel provided. “Does that make sense?” Dean thought about it, and the more he thought about it, the more it did make sense. 

“Huh.” Was his only response, before stealing a marshmallow and heading off. 

~|~

The burden of knowledge was a heavy one. Everything that once seemed so simple was suddenly a whirlwind of confusion. Dean had never thought about it before because he never needed to. He knew he wasn’t a girl, so he had to be a boy. It was simple. Until it wasn’t. 

The hard part was Dean had no idea how to tell. He couldn’t talk to Gabriel, Gabriel would figure it out in a heartbeat. So the internet was Dean’s only solace. (And if he took an online quiz or two, who could really blame him?) 

~|~

It was morning time. The covers were rumbled but miraculously still over them, and Dean was laying with his head on Castiel’s chest. They were both awake, just savouring the still of the morning. Dean was deep in thought, he’d been up late last night pondering his dilemma. 

“Dean.” Castiel rumbled, his voice still rough from sleep. Not that he had to, but it was nice. Dean seemed to like sleeping next to Castiel without the discomfort of being watched the whole time. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Dean stopped; Cas had noticed. Dean sighed softly. Of course Cas noticed, Castiel knew Dean inside and out, it would actually be more confusing if Cas didn’t notice. 

“...how do you know if you’re non-binary?” Dean asked resignedly. No point in trying to hide something from your angelic boyfriend that can slip into your thoughts at any moment, (though he mostly didn’t, for privacy’s sake). 

“That’s something only you can decide, Dean.” Castiel told him softly. “Are you uncomfortable as a male?” 

“Well… no. Not really.” Dean sighed. “This is how I’ve always been, this is how I’m supposed to be… right?”

“No. You’re supposed to be happy. What made you ask if you’re comfortable being male?” 

“I dunno… what if it’s just because I’m used to it? I mean… I do like more feminine things…” Dean trailed off, blushing. Castiel smirked, his hand trailing down Dean’s bare torso and pushing down the waistband of Dean’s sweats to reveal a splash of pink. “Hey quit that!” He scolded. “I just… I dunno.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna be confusing and pick a new name or anything…” 

“You don’t have to. You don’t even have to switch pronouns if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just about making you comfortable and happy with who you are.” Castiel assured, kissing his hair. Dean nodded slowly. 

“Okay…” And they left it there. 

~|~

“Castiel?” Dean murmured, pulling his boyfriend aside. They had gone to the store to pick up some eggs, beer, and skittles on Gabriel’s request. 

“Yes my love?” Cas responded, his blue eyes wandering Dean’s face, full of concern. 

“I think I’m non-binary.” Dean told him quietly. Cas offered a warm smile. 

“Alright. What pronouns do you prefer?” He asked. 

“We can stick to ‘he’… or ‘they’ works too, I guess…” Dean mumbled, blushing as he looked down. Castiel just smiled warmly, lifting Dean’s chin so the hunter would look at him. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Cas assured him, gently kissing his lips. “And I love you so much.” The way Dean’s eyes shone in that moment made Cas’s heart soar. 

“Thanks Cas…” he smiled. Castiel always had a way of making Dean’s insides turn to mush with his gentle loving nature. 

~|~

Dean lost a bet. In his defence, he didn’t believe ANYONE could fit thirty marshmallows in their mouth, so why would Gabriel be different? Gabriel had his ways though. So there Dean was, letting Gabriel plaster his face with makeup and paint his rugged hunter nails. 

“Ta da!” Gabriel sang, turning Dean to face the mirror. It was a good look, sunset eyeshadow, a nice winged eyeliner, soft pink lips and teal nail polish. “You can take it off after half an hour.” Gabriel added, patting Dean’s head. 

“I might not.” Dean shrugged. Gabriel blinked. 

“...huh? Mr. Manly Man, next Captain America, wants to wear makeup?” Gabriel gawked in a teasing fashion. 

“I like it.” Dean shrugged. 

“It is some of my better work…” Gabriel admitted. “But I thought ‘guys don’t wear makeup’?” He laughed, elbowing Dean playfully. 

“Damn good thing I’m non-binary then.” Dean hummed. Gabriel stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if Dean was joking, before he shrugged, hugging Dean. 

“Guess so. I’m proud of you, bucko.” He added the second part much softer. “Pronouns?”

“He/him or they/them. I don’t really care.” Dean smiled. Gabriel nodded. 

“So… can I do your makeup more often…?” The archangel asked quietly. Dean laughed, nodding, and Gabriel nearly leapt for joy. 

~|~

Telling Sam was the hardest part. Dean was so in his own head about it, it wasn’t like Sam was close minded in the least, but Dean has himself convinced. Sam liked Dean the way he was, Dean had told himself. Sam liked his brother. Sam needed him to be this specific figure; a role model. 

Castiel and Gabriel assured him many times over that Sam loved him and it wouldn’t change anything, but just on the small possibility it would… Dean was terrified of telling him. 

“A role model doesn’t mean John’s perfect soldier.” Castiel murmured softly, kissing Dean’s hair. Dean glanced up from where he was staring at Sam over a mug of coffee, contemplating telling him, and Castiel gave him a small smile. Those words hit him like a pound of bricks. Sam didn’t look up to his gender, Sam looked up to what was inside. So why was Dean…

“Sam!” He called, getting up and approaching his brother. “We need to talk.” He sighed. Sam frowned. 

“Is something wrong…?” He asked. 

“No, no, I just… I wanted to tell you something.” Dean fidgeted with the cuff of his flannel, the nerves slapping him again. It was too late to turn back now though, now that Sam’s attention was focused on him. Sam gave a nod for him to continue, and Dean sucked in a slow breath. “I’m non-binary.” He informed, his voice quieting a bit. His stomach dropped as Sam eyed him slowly. Then Sam smiled. 

“Okay.” Sam responded. “Are you… changing your name?” He asked. Dean shook his head. 

“Dean is fine.” He assured. 

“And your pronouns…?”

“I still mostly use he/him, but they/them works too.” Dean mumbled. Sam nodded, getting up and hugging Dean tightly. Dean was slightly taken aback, relief swamping through him. He hugged Sam back, a tiny smile pulling his lips as he caught Cas’s eye over Sam’s shoulder. 

“Dean, I love you.” Sam murmured. A gentle reminder, that was exactly what Dean needed to hear. He managed to choke words through his tears of joy and relief:

“Thank you Sammy.”

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Representation Week Tag List: 

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @specialagentrin @peanutbutterandgrapejelly @all-or-nothing-baby @petrichoravellichor @i-know-like-four-things @fantastikitty7 @is-jus-me @hexlorde

Sidebar: I never know how to introduce my fics, I usually just post them but I felt like I should tack the warning on this one so... I dunno. Don’t be surprised if the style changes. Anyhow, happy representation week everyone!

[crack--attack]

Pardner

Dean looked around the room and frowned.

"No signs of a struggle," he murmured, crouching down to examine some tracks better. "And where did you say the witness was?"

Sam motioned to someone over in the other room with his pen. "They're over there," he said absently, taking a closer look at some family photos.

Dean made his way over, tucking his fake badge back into his pocket. "Ma'am."

Their eyes darted over to Sam. "Um... I— oh, shoot. Did he not tell you...?"

"Tell me?"

They hid their eyes behind long, curly black hair. "Not a ma'am."

Dean blinked in surprise. "Oh I— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay, it happens all the time. I'm really not—"

"So is it sir or—"

"Neither, really."

Dean shuffled awkwardly. "Well um, pardner, then," he addressed them, "mind telling me what happened?"

They looked up at him, a grin on their face. "Pardner. I can dig that one." The smile quickly faded. "I swear, the way it moved wasn't human..."

---

Dean thumbed absently at the steering wheel, staring out across miles and miles of blacktop.

"So, that's a— that's a thing," Dean finally said.

Sam looked up from the map he was trying to read. "Um?"

"You can be not boy or girl."

"Yep." Sam went back to reading his map.

Dean frowned. "So how does that work? If you don't say sir or ma'am, like...?"

Sam sighed, obviously not having enough peace to chart their route any time soon. "It's they."

"They?"

"Instead of he or she, it's they or them. Can I read this map now? You're going to get us lost."

"I called... them... pardner."

Sam snorted. "Not surprised."

Dean went back to examining the blacktop, feeling more tense than he had in years.

---

Dean slung his bag onto his bed and hurried into the motel shower, locking the door behind him.

He stripped easily, going in to wash the day's grime off when he caught a glimpse of himself in the stained mirror.

'He looks so much like his father,' people used to say about him.

'Wow, maybe Dean should've been your daughter instead, huh, John? He takes care of your kid?'

'He's just some boy toy, Debbie. C'mon, let's go.'

'You've got the girliest mouth I've ever seen.'

Dean ran a hand over his pecs, frowning.

Maybe life would've been simpler if I had been born a Ken doll, he thought. No nasty bits determining what he could do or who he could hang out with.

He didn't want people addressing him. Ever again. He didn't want to be talked about. He didn't want to be seen as some macho guy. But he didn't want to be seen as a girl, either. The thought made him shudder, made him feel unsafe.

He stared at himself in the mirror, years of compliments and insults poring across his brain.

'He's such a strong man!'

'He has his mother's eyes.'

'He's pretty for a guy.'

"I'm not a guy," he whispered, surprising even himself.

He ran a hand over his abs, following the movement in the mirror. "They," they told themself. "I'm them."

Dean met their own eyes, startlingly green and red-rimmed. "They," they repeated, feeling some deep weight being lifted. "They. They. They."

Sam banged on the door, causing Dean to jump.

"Dean!" he yelled out. "Will you either take a shower or get out of the goddamned bathroom?!"

"Don't get your panties in a twist!" they yelled back, turning on the water and smiling.

---

"Cas," Dean called out.

Cas was busy discussing the case with Sam, so neither heard them.

"Caaaaaaaas," Dean dragged out. "I need you to listeeeeeeennnnn."

Cas glanced at Dean. "I'm sorry. What did you want?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "He said—"

"They."

Sam turned to Dean, eyebrows raised. "They said?"

Dean nodded, face schooled but eyes nervous.

Sam smiled a bit before rolling his eyes. "They said they need you."

Dean's ears turned red. "I DID NOT!"

[AO3 link]

[sahrayliathefaelia]

mid-40s nonbinary dean embracing his greying hair and dyeing it full on silver and slowly experimenting with makeup and evolving into his final form: hot glam daddy

[sahrayliathefaelia]

closeted amab nonbinary dean slowly coming to the realization he's nonbinary after jack comes out as nonbinary. dean learning about gender and gradually accepting his own because of his kid doing the same thing i. need to lie down right now immediately