#nonbinary does not automatically equal trans

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

every time someone says 'all nonbinary people are trans', an angel loses its wings.

other people do not get to label you.

[closet-keys]

.

[krisscrossontheclock]

It drives me up the wall to hear people constantly cite intersectionality of all things when arguing against the concept of transandrophobia. They insist that ‘man’ is an identity that is only ever capable of doing harm, never receiving it (and sometimes even shielding you from any other oppression you might face). To many, you simply cannot be a man without also being a misogynist. Those terms are synonymous. They flatten every unique experience of manhood into one theoretical patriarchal ideal and judge us based on that, completely ignoring any other intersection that might exist that keeps us from wanting or or being able to achieve whatever magical Male Privilege they insist we get automatically upon coming out. Completely ignoring different, kinder ideals of masculinity many masculine aligned queer people actively work on creating and embodying (which are not respected under the Patriarchy). Completely ignoring nonbinary, GNC, or multigendered people (who are not respected under the Patriarchy). Completely ignoring anyone not cis-passing 24/7 (who are not believed or respected under the Patriarchy). Completely ignoring even those passing people’s past life history (which you have to compartmentalize because you’re a Man now. You can never acknowledge the misogyny that’s scarred you. Never acknowledge your childhood).

I cannot express this strongly enough. This is Gender Essentialism. This is Radical Feminism. This is “Boys will be boys, so there’s nothing to be done about their shitty behavior.” This is the exact rhetoric that TERFs use to justify their hate of trans women. But it’s okay to say to trans men, I guess. Because they are men. They’re admitting to it. Embracing it.

This is the opposite of seeing us as full, diverse, multidimensional people. A problem that intersectionality was made to address. Intersectionality is not an addition problem. It’s multivariable calculus. We’re all complicated knots of identities and experiences that refuse to untangle. That’s the point. You cannot distill people down to a single trait. We are all uniquely privileged and oppressed in different, weird, sometimes contradictory ways because of a huge and diverse number of traits that all overlap and interact. Those traits are never one size fits all with objective oppressions and privileges that will hold true in every context, every time, for every person, in every group of people.

These people pigeonhole and accuse us of the worst possible stereotype of the cis patriarchy and apply it equally to every man, no matter their situation. Blame us for the violence we have a firsthand experience with and wouldn’t wish on anyone else. “All men are misogynistic. Trans men are uniquely capable of and culpable for it because they chose it. Get the fuck over yourself. Nobody hates you because you’re a man.” (What then, pray tell, are you doing then?!?? Why exactly do you hate us...?) “Anyway, all men should [REDACTED], yes, even and ESPECIALLY you.” This rhetoric has just become a more acceptable way to ostracize and other us from our own community. To push us into isolating ourselves, into saying or doing something drastic to prove their point. We become an acceptable target when they paint us like this, because… are we really that different than a cis man? Than the worse conceivable type of cis man? (Notice, recently they’ve been accusing us of unilaterally being rapists or rapists to be.)

….Y’all do know that people are different from each other, right? Do you sincerely believe in every negative stereotype of every possible group? Especially marginalized ones? Do you believe groups of people with one (1) trait in common are monoliths?

A trans man’s / mascs' ‘maleness’ is often inextricably tied up in their ‘transness.’ Male privilege is not impossible or even improbable in certain scenarios, but it is not easy to achieve, and it does not apply to every situation. Are you binary and want to pass in the first place? Are you passing and closeted? Do you have a respectful community if you’re out? Are you rich enough to afford surgery and recovery time off? Lucky enough to live in the right country, state, or city? Never have to prove your identity and every name change you’re ever had? Never have to go to the hospital for cancer screenings, or god forbid reproductive care? If your answer to any of these questions is no, then you will automatically have a harder time being taken seriously as a man. You will have a different relationship with maleness than a cis man. Because that’s how intersections work.

Assuming that every man’s relationship with / proximity to / privileges acquired from maleness are identical is an absolutely bonkers idea to me. Because that’s simply not how people work. It’s a refusal to step into another’s shoes and see things from their perspective. A refusal to listen and learn and sympathize.

Besides. Singling out an already marginalized group of people with one trait in common and constantly poking, prodding, arguing, insulting, misunderstanding, throwing slurs and excluding us from any conversation about our own lives is something fucking bigots do.

Listen to us when we bring up our issues. Allow us to build language and community so we can effectively communicate these ideas. Do not hate indiscriminately. Love your siblings before it’s too late.

[morning-stars-avenue]

This post is primarily about exorsexism; please do not derail.

[PT: This post is primarily about exorsexism; please do not derail. /End PT]

Derailing in this case does NOT mean "don't share your experiences with exorsexism unless you're nonbinary", just please don't remove the fact that this is about exorsexism. Thank you!

you all are GOING to be normal about nonbinary people, not force them into a reconstructed version of the gender binary in any way, and be nice to them. now. I'm not asking, I'm DEMANDING, and I am not a bad person for that because you all are so weird about nonbinary people.

quit asking nonbinary people if they're "AFAB or AMAB nonbinary". not only is this incredibly intersexist, nobody owes you their ASAB and it is incredibly weird that this is a normal thing to ask in 2025.

quit asking nonbinary people "so, when will you start T/E?," "its just a phase, you'll be binary trans eventually," and so on. it is NOT that hard to comprehend that nonbinary people will not "turn binary trans" most of the time. do some people identify as nonbinary and then later on realize that they're in fact binary trans? yes, and its great that they figured out their identity! but being nonbinary is not a "midway point" between being cis and being binary trans.

quit insisting that nonbinary people must be transfem or transmasc. are there nonbinary people who are transfem or transmasc? yes, and they are no less nonbinary for that! however, transneutral, transandrogynous, transnull, transfemmasc & transmascfem, others, and none of the above are options as well. we do not owe you femininity or masculinity exclusively.

the second side of that coin; quit expecting nonbinary people to automatically perform androgyny for you. there are nonbinary people who are feminine and masculine, and they are not "just binary trans with an extra step". we do not owe you androgyny.

quit calling nonbinary people "they/thems" and similar. do I even have to provide an explanation? you sound like a fucking right-winger.

quit using "he/she", "girl/boy", "man/woman", and similar. those are not the only two options.

quit automatically assuming that every nonbinary person uses they/them pronouns. there are plenty of nonbinary people who use she/her, he/him, neopronouns, etc., and plenty of nonbinary people who use they/them alongside other pronouns! gender does not equal pronouns. why is that so hard to understand specifically for nonbinary people?

the other side of that coin again: treat nonbinary people who DO use only they/them normally.

quit treating feminine (whether by choice or not) nonbinary people as "girl-lite". quit treating masculine (whether by choice or not) nonbinary people as "boy-lite". our presentation does not downplay being nonbinary.

its disappointing that we have to make posts like this in 2025. this is exorsexism, and I'm sick of it.

if anyone else has other shit to add on, please do

[hazbinned]

Remember, intersex is not a gender, it is a biological variation. If being intersex impacts your muse's gender, that's all fine and good and could be interesting to read about! But please do not treat it like intersex itself is a gender or like being intersex equals being nonbinary/bigender by default. That is absolutely not how it works.

Intersex people can be any gender. Cis, trans, nonbinary, anything. Just like people with brown eyes can be any gender.

It also does not automatically mean having both. That is possible, but really rare in humans. It can be hormonal conditions, internal conditions, or aspects of both, and any combination of these things. Many people do not find out until later in life. It isn't always super clear-cut.

I am intersex and I'm tired of seeing this. It feels fetishistic sometimes.

[rukafais]

I think there's a serious misunderstanding going on in that post about about interpreting enby characters as transfem. if OP were responding to someone saying "this they/them character is actually she/her bc I said so" they would be 100% right, but I'm pretty sure those tags in the screenshot actually intend to interpret enby characters as AMAB, and therefore transfem by nature of abandoning masculinity. its not saying anything about a character's presentation fitting into a binary! a trans woman reading a non-cis character as a mirror to her own experiences is not problematic behavior

I mean like. AMAB nonbinary characters are still nonbinary though? An AMAB nb character does not automatically equate to transfem and I would be equally in the wrong to claim that a transfem character could be interpreted as nonbinary, especially since degendering is a huge problem that trans women face.

A trans woman reading non-cis characters as analogous to her own experiences is absolutely not bad, but it is in fact really frustrating to see people treating nonbinary as Whatever You Want To Overlay On Them To Fit Better With What You Relate To;;;; I am equally annoyed when people say that a nonbinary character is a man because they fit the impression of being masculine/moving away from femininity!

[aroace-rizgukgak]

I'm going to go over the "situation" with trans people at dropout

Currently in the dropout recurring cast there are a few genderfluid/nonbinary regular cast members, one of which is on testosterone, plus drag queens, particularly Monét as a host, multiple of which consider themselves nonbinary. None of these nonbinary cast members as far as I can tell have ever called themselves transmasc, or transfem. No, particularly for any cis people reading, a nonbinary person you think was assigned female or assigned male is not automatically transmasc or transfem respectively. There is such thing as being neither transfem or transmasc, being trans-neutral, which almost all of the trans people at dropout would fall into. Persephone, as far as I know, Does call herself transfem and a trans woman, which is One. I am saying this to be clear that Dropout's trans people are not some kind of Struggle between transmasc and transfem, there is actually almost none of either! This does not mean that nonbinary people are overrepresented either, and nonbinary people are as much trans people as any other 'kind', but if we are discussing trans gender equality, there are NOT a lot of transfems and NOT a lot of transmascs

[mejomonster]

You don't have to transition to be the gender you already feel you are. You are that gender inherently. Yeah, transitioning feels awesome if that brings you joy. But it's not a requirement. You are YOU already, inherently, and you don't need to meet any requirement to become who you already are.

Similar topic, if you ARE a man and feel like a man etc, and like feminine presentation like makeup and dresses you are still allowed to be a man. If you are a woman and feel like a woman, you are still a woman if you shave your hair off if you have a dick if you hate cooking and makeup. If you ARE nonbinary, you can dress highly feminine and have long hair and huge boobs and love babies and STILL be nonbinary.

Gender does not equal genitals does not equal hobbies does not equal presentation. For some people those overlap, or they're happier when some of these things overlap in ways that is "gender conforming" for the society you live in. But they're not requirements. You can be cis or trans, and be a man who loves things your society considers feminine things or looks the way your society considers feminine. You can be cis or trans, and be a woman who loves things your society considers masculine or looks the way your society considers masculine.

You are allowed, cis or trans, as any person, to be gender nonconforming to the expectations your particular society expects of your gender. Your gender identity is not earned by "conforming to X degree to society's gendered expectations" and although conforming may increase strangers respect/automatic acknowledgement of the gender you are, it does not guarantee it. So you are the gender you are, that you already feel you are. You get to decide for yourself what you look like, your hobbies, your traits, and be yourself.

Tldr you are already the gender you feel you are. You don't need to do anything to earn it.

That includes cis people... you all don't need to shave/put on makeup/be able to have babies or be alpha/emotionless/manly/be tall with a big dick, to be real women and men. You already ARE real women and men, because you feel you are. Simple as that. That's as simple as it is for Everyone. For trans people too. Simple.

There is no requirement to be any gender. just feeling you are that gender. That's it. Each gender is so broad in the kinds of people who are a given gender, in terms of bodies and hobbies and presentation and desires and every trait that makes each individual up.