all parts of my nonhumanity lead back to this sole factor of my identity.
i am not meant to be strictly human. if i could physically shapeshift, i would only be human half of the time, and that's asking a lot.
i don't feel devastated that i am human-born, but i know that i am more; i'm not human, but i can't change into anything else. in other ways i can, but not physical. not in this life.
i don't know if i have always been a shapeshifter, i don't remember enough of my young life to figure that out. though it does feel that i have always been one.
what am i exactly? i don't understand myself - and nonhuman terms - enough to know. i've been learning more about physical nonhumanity, but i have no idea honestly. i can't explain it at all; i'm just not a human on many levels.
this lack of understanding is a big part of my life; i don't understand any human relationships, apart from perhaps platonic and familial, but those are still difficult to understand for me. yet i understand animal relationships perfectly fine, like they're instinct.
when shifting, i frequently shift into a yearling / adolescent / young adult animal. this is one way i can tell that my nonhumanity is all linked. pet regression is also linked to my nonhumanity too, for sometimes i am a hatchling or pup.
i know what i am, but i don't have the words to describe myself. i just know calling myself fully human isn't right.
