I just need to get some of this stuff out of me because I feel like it only gets worse if I don’t. I’ve just been feeling extremely anxious since my birthday and it’s just a damn clusterfuck. Whenever I’m with people it doesn’t feel too bad, but instantly when I’m left alone everything is just a goddamn mess and idk what to do with myself. I’m just gonna do a breakdown of all the things currently bothering me because a psychologist once said to me that stuff like that might work?? 1. School
fuck school man. We’ve got 345244 different mandatory projects going on and all of them have so much to do. I’m just drowning in unanswered mail and phone calls i need to make and i honestly just want to move to the mountains and cut off all contact with the world. Also one of our actors in this short film is a goddamn diva and my production assistants avoid responsibilities so yay. ALSO the companies i’ve been asking about sponsoring this other movie aren’t answering.
2. Money
fuck money too. My electricity bills are ridiculous in winter, like i wasn’t poor enough. Also i can’t afford to pay this one bill this month and EVEN THOUGH i know it’s okay i still think i need to move under a bridge and let my poor ass decay because that’s what anxiety does for me.
3. Relationships
i’m constantly worried that i’m a burden to my friends and i have trouble opening up about some things that are still bothering me because i feel like no one really cares. Also i know it’s petty but someone kinda important didn’t wish me happy birthday and has been ignoring me for ages now, i act like i haven’t noticed but i have and it really hurts me. On the other hand i’m too afraid to contact them because similar attempts in situations like this have lead to the born of my multiple traumas and my low self esteem so nah. Also they have treated me like absolute crap in the past so idk why i even feel this bad about the whole situation.