Can't. You're too busy helping Dirk commit xenocentric genocide -- apparently your policy of non-violence does not extend to fictional video game futures.
Besides, you spent all of yesterday being domestic. Yeah, that's right. While everyone else was busy getting shitfaced in the name of a certain Irish saint, of which the exact context for the holiday you're still not sure of, you went grocery shopping.
In addition to the copious amount of alcohol that was already there when you moved in, your LA household now has the following items in stock:
12 boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese
6 frozen pizzas (various toppings)
8 boxes of Hot Pockets (various fillings)
2 boxes of those peanut butter and jelly sandwich things where the crust is already cut off (you really don't understand the reason for these to even exist, but Dirk wanted them)
1 gallon of OJ (some pulp)
1 gallon of OJ (lots of pulp -- "You know OJ with tons of pulp exists in nature already, right? It's called an orange." "だまれ．．．")
30 cans of Progresso soup (various flavors)
1 quart of orange sherbet (for Sawtooth-aniki)
1 quart of chocolate turtle swirl ice cream (for Dirk)
1 box of cherry fruit bars (for Squarewave-aniki)
1 box of rocket pops (for yourself, because space)
1 supersize value pack of chicken thighs (they were cheaper than the chicken breasts and you're honestly not sure what the difference is; isn't it all from the same animal?)
37 Lunchables (aka all the Lunchables they had left)
Axe body spray (Dirk again, but you'll probably end up borrowing it because you really like the way it smells)
3 packs of Hostess cupcakes
2 boxes of Hostess mini powdered sugar donuts
3 bags of Chex-Mix (original, spicy, and dark chocolate flavors)
1 jumbo bag of Sour Skittles (you've never actually had these, but the neon colors were very appealing)
2 bags of frozen vegetable medley (because you're relatively sure vegetables are somehow important for human health)
You ended up having to having to call Needles-anesan to help you get all of this stuff back to Bel Air. She made several poignant comments on the way home about "bachelor pads," "learning to actually cook," and "early onset heart disease," but honestly, you thought you did a pretty good job shopping all by yourself. Even between the four of you, plus the visitors you're already getting on a semi-regular basis, you feel like this should be enough to sustain the household for a while.
...You suppose you could afford one more minor act of domesticity, though, in the form of making yourself and Dirk a delicious lunch of Go Girl and broccoli-cheddar Hot Pocket and Dino-Nugget sandwiches. After all, you can't save destroy the universe on an empty stomach.
