Hello! Or should I just say hi? I’m not sure what tone this piece will take but it might go all over the place. During times of staying at home order and with limited access to gyms, movie theaters, bars, hair salons, and shooting ranges there is so much time left to think about life, and about oneself. What do I mean by that? Well, since the places that we use as an escape for either fun or adult responsibilities, I started to ponder about who I am and what I am destined to be. With all the life events that are going on, these creepy yet truthful questions began to crawl up in my brain. What is my purpose in life? As I watched the news and binge on numerous Netflix shows I could see how people were so inspired and motivated to make a change in the world. People are protesting, speaking out, nurses, doctors, and grocery workers are all risking their lives to help others. I kept thinking “Wow! If I was only interested in science? Or nursing?”, but sadly my heart was not. I was just amazed and admired how they dedicated themselves to a profession that they love. I yearned for that but I am lost in the sea of endless options in which I can pick and say with confidence “This is what I want to do. This is what I love. This is what I am willing to get up in the morning, put on a real smile, and do it”. Don’t me wrong, my job is great and the people are amazing and I am not just saying that because they might end up reading this, I really mean it.
Anyhow, being stuck at home does actually give you time to think and realize that now you actually have the time to do all the events, jobs, projects you’ve always stated that you wanted to do but couldn’t. I know what my excuse was, still is but we’ll talk about that later. Growing up I knew my mind was different and it wasn’t because my parents verified that I was a bit weird (Who cares, owns it) but for the fact that in every situation I would analyze every detail. So, every word, every action, every facial expression would be pre-processed in my head. I am observant and always liked to think ahead. With that, I knew that I had to be good at something but even when analyzing every situation I was and still continued to be average. What do I mean by, you may ask. As I became the overthinker and analytical person that I am today, I grasp that the world perceives and praises people that are “talented”. Again, you ask what is that? Well, talent is defined as “having a natural aptitude or skill for something”. I became puzzled as living the life of a stay-at-home princess didn’t really present those thoughts to me. I didn’t think that my dream would not be of reach because of the lack of talent. I’ll be honest, I can’t sing, act, or dance (Unless you count the two by two steps), and I have never really excelled at a subject or sport. I guess you can say I am a “meh” or in other words average. As I started to grow up I never foresaw that being average would be such a bump in the road. For people who don’t know me, I rely upon the medicine of being around loved ones but also on daydreaming. Daydreaming has been an escape for me so when hitting these bumps I would hide in the fortress of daydreaming. Unfortunately, daydreaming can’t take you far, it is free but can’t take you to reach your dreams. Finding out that I had no real talent or excelled in anything really put the funk in Funkytown.
Part Two coming right up....