DWICKRISE
Dwickcast CEO Resumes Duties After Near-Death Scare
via Aegro Clausulus, Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt Rag NOS DWICKA, ILLIUM - DDS CEO Jorgal “Dwick” Lenny resumed majority control of the Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt earlier this Wednesday, following weeks of turmoil that nearly saw him, his company, and the de facto city he rules destroyed. Mr. Dwick claims he has experienced a “complete” remission from the disease that nearly killed him, and that the same serum therapy used on him is being conducted on all those who were similarly infected in Nos Dwicka. “This [expletive] couldn’t have been done without the crazy-[expletive] busywork done by the Dwick Institute for the Research of Taint sYndrome,” CEO stated in a press conference confirming his reinstatement as CEO this afternoon. “Iit sure-as-[expletive] couldn’t have been done without my better half keeping the city’s [expletive] together while I was dead.” Drau Lura, whose efforts to find a cure for those suffering “Taint” sickness in Nos Dwicka, is currently recovering at Declan Xavier Memorial from injuries sustained thwarting a coup attempt by DDS Corporate Security “Lemmus” Lepetomay. She is expected to make a full recovery. CORPSEC IN TATTERS Mr. Dwick’s first executive action following reinstatement has been an official disbanding of the Syndykyt’s Corporate Security department, citing Mr. Lepetomay’s attempted coup as “the last [expletive] straw, not to mention the last [expletive] chance for anyone to see any worth in this [multiple expletives] department.” The move has been perceived as largely ornamental to the public, as active members of the security wing surrendered themselves into custody following Lepetomay’s televised defeat, and as the central police station was retaken by Dwickcast Writers Guild members shortly thereafter. Mr. Dwick has been cagey about those detained during this action, citing the difficulty of “handling of security reasons without a [expletive] security department” as his primary reason. With the end of one security wing, however, is the apparent rise of another. Advertisements for positions in “Nos Dwicka Civil Protection” have already appeared on the Syndykyt’s employment site. Mr. Dwick has already been on the forefront on these, stating that “none of the [expletive] who even considered siding with that [expletive]” would be allowed anywhere near the department or its administration. “Our interest has been, and shall always be, the Nos Dwickan people,” stated newly-Appointed Chief of Civil Protection Bellator Turp from his hospital bed at Declan Xavier Memorial, where he is recovering from wounds inflicted by Mr. Lepetomay during the coup. “No longer shall we, your armed law enforcement, be corporate security thugs. Our overriding goal is, and should’ve always been [sic], rebuilding homes and trust.” No officers allegedly involved in the coup attempt were available for comment, though unofficial reports claim that notable co-conspirators Julo “Cragface” Tagris, Nelson Murdock, Nakmor Narstak, Chez Chezlin, and Felvin Dufrane have been apprehended. CEO’S WILL TO BE CARRIED OUT Mr. Dwick authorized the partial execution of his own Last Will and Testament as part of his reinstatement today, beginning the process of redistributing a significant percentage of his wealth into the communities most affected by his brush with death. "It's real likely that there's going to be a [expletive] shootenanny if I snuff it," the CEO said in a video segment of his will made available to the public. "I can't guarantee it'll be near so hilarious as the first time. Too many gangs, rivals, too many [expletive]heads [expletive] bickering for power. And while they're playing nice now, I can't guarantee the whole thing won't go off like a [expletive] bomb when I do. Again, I mean." Mr. Dwick’s will contained multiple triggers for distribution in the case of a posthumous power struggle, during which his estate would be disbursed among those whose homes and livelihoods were most damaged by the fallout. Mr. Dwick has instructed executors to allow many of these to be carried out despite his survival, emphasizing reparations to the poorest among the city and specifically excluding potential beneficiaries among Nos Dwicka’s upper crust. "[Expletive] those [expletive]ing [expletive]s,” Mr. Dwick stated in a later section of the recording. "If they can’t find a [epithet: volus] to hide their [expletive] for a rainy day, it's their [expletive] fault." For these reasons (and others), Mr. Dwick is expected to move from his penthouse estate to a considerably more austere location in the Babetown district. “The food was always better down there,” Mr. Dwick stated to reporters asking about the relocation. “More tasty, more greasy, just more.” REPAIRS UNDERWAY The dismantling of DDS Corporate Security and release of Mr. Dwick’s funds appear to be kick-starting repair work across Nos Dwicka. Multiple programs are already underway to restore the city to its pre-”Dwickrise” status. Plants and agricultural centers lost during the CorpSec-induced firebombing are already being replanted, and initial planning has already been drafted for a new feral kakliosaur habitat in West Craterville’s eponymous Reaper impact site. “The firebombing attack CorpSec launched on Nos Dwicka wasn’t just an act of terrorism, it was an unspeakable act of animal cruelty,” said Nella Yelisi, a town Councilwoman who speaks on behalf of the Babetown district. “The kakliosaur species has only recently brought back to the galaxy, and only under extreme measures. They are a priceless part of krogan history. It is on each and every one of us, including us salarians, to prevent that from happening again.” Funding has also been channeled into building repair works and utility updates for the city’s poorer residents. Those residents with damages related to the CorpSec coup have been prioritized, with households and small businesses at the firebombing’s epicenter placed at the top of the list. “There are folks who like to watch from afar and comment what a trash place Nos Dwicka is,” said Growth Intelligence and Material Procurement Strategist Urdnot Branka, speaking on the subject from her hospital bed where she, like her employer, is recovering from late-stage Taint infection. “They would be right. Any job found here is usually up at 1 Dwickcast Tower. Two years ago, I started working in construction and personally saw how rough things were. The slums were awful, the ‘richer’ districts even worse. But that's to be expected when you live in the aftermath of Reaper-destroyed areas. With an incident like this coup, you think that would be the end of it...but this place is like a field after a fire. Under the ashes are good things ready to grow.” A CITY RETURNS TO PEACE The past months have been a chaotic whirlwind for the people of Old Nos Astra, but these events seem to be finally drawing to a close. The fires have been extinguished, evacuees are returning to their homes, and those driven to the brink by the Taint are on the path to recovery. Most people in the city are still grappling with the consequences of the “Dwickrise”, but it appears the city is already working to mend the wounds dealt to it. Like the very krogan who line this city’s spine, Nos Dwicka is a city bent on survival, and it is determined to flourish no matter what cards are dealt to it. As for the krogan at its epicenter, Mr. Dwick plans to spend a little more time healing alongside Ms. Lura, though he warns that those imagining his new, slimmer stature as “the new, improved Dwick” are seriously deluding themselves. “People don’t call me the big [expletive] boss-man for nothing,” Mr. Dwick said to the audience, winking behind a varren haunch the size of his head at his reinstatement luncheon. “You’re going to see a whole lot [expletive] more of me in the future.”