#nospecial

[hiztorybookz]

#Nocapes. #Nospecial powers. Thank you. . #books #bookstagram #book #booklover #reading #bookworm #bookstagrammer #read #bookish #booknerd #bookaddict #bibliophile #booksofinstagram #instabook #love #bookshelf #booksbooksbooks #bookaholic #readersofinstagram #libros #HiztoryBookz https://www.instagram.com/p/CY1w1g4sp--/?utm_medium=tumblr

[jengyeong]

May I be as brave as a tiger🐯! #brownsugarmilktea #warm #nospecial #competitortotealive&alley #overhype https://www.instagram.com/p/BvlqtNWH3jD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xx474dsd5zpy

[tomophoto]

. . . Ulallaa . . . #nospecial #portrait #tomophoto (Mission Beach, QLD)

[tomophoto]

. . . ともだちのいえ . . . #nospecial #life #tomophoto

[tomophoto]

. . . ともだちのいえ . . . #nospecial #life #tomophoto

[tomophoto]

lore

[joeneith]

#me #nospecial #smile #done

[ajourneytomyheart-blog]

I Am No Different.

Can’t say I love him. Can’t deny how much I love him that I left my previous life and to start a new one with him. 

At the beginning, he seems to be the most persistent person I had ever met. If he weren’t that person, I wouldn’t have the courage to be so confident than I am now. There is something that really pulls me to him. To try new things and be me. That is what every girls wanted in their lives, to be themselves and be loved at the same time. 

I feel so lucky than ever before. Other than being thankful to my mother for giving me this wonderful life but also to him, to the guy who made my heart truly beat for the first time. Alive.

As this journey goes on, with him..counting these precious days, I couldn’t ask for more. I couldn’t be more thankful enough. I always keep in mind what my mother said to me once, when it comes to relationship,” never give everything. Leave something for yourself, when the time comes you’ll realize this, and then you’ll know what I mean eventually”.

I had then realized that people has their own life to live, whether you have someone, you’ll still have to make things for yourself. Be confident in every choices you make in life. It may be small or big, it could make a big difference in your life. It somehow defines who you are, by the choices you make in life.

Now, I can’t help but wonder sometimes, did I made the right decision? Marrying a guy I barely new before, a guy I only knew for 6 months in my life, and mostly those times only from a distance. A virtual boyfriend by all means.

My friends told me I’m crazy. Maybe crazy in love. In these blissful times in my life as being a young wife, with barely knowing what kind of life is out there, was very courageous to live a totally different life. To adjust in the world with even small things. I never knew that it could be this hard. Hard , that sometimes I feel like backing out. But it is not a choice anymore. Even though my family always tell me that whatever happens, they will still there and still accept and love me. Whatever the outcome may be.

Whenever I wake up in the morning, I always look in his sleeping form and try to conclude things on my own. Looking at him made me always realize how a great person he is. Always hoping that he won’t change, even his feelings for me. During these blessed days I have with him, I can’t but always expect that another shoe will drop. That something or someday might come up and ruin everything for me. 

I have these worries all the time, because I am that kinda person who have doubts but still go with the flow and expect something will come crashing in the end but I’d still rather go, than to be left wondering what could have happened if I took that journey, that chance.

As of now, sometimes I feel alone. I feel like he is not what he used to be with his past lovers. Seeing their photos together, I could see he made some efforts, even taking selfies with together. But whenever I asked him to do the same thing with me, he always decline as if something he never did before even once. It is such a childish thing to think about but knowing this still bothers me. His efforts with them to take pictures, hang around and live the moment. I have never seen him do it with me too. Did the passion has left him? Has it all been spent with them? and nothing left for me?

It is so unfair. When I would find out that he took me to places that he used to go with his past lovers..I would start to feel soo unspecial. I am no different compared to them. Who am I to complain anyway? somehow it was an effort anyway bu somehow a little bit hurt inside me. Is that probably he could not think of anything or he just wanna go somewhere? just for the sake of it?

I am that kind of a girl who always look for something unique to everyone. But whenever he does that, then I am no special. Just one of his lovers. A past lover in the future. I sometimes can’t help but label myself that, though only in my mind but it still does affect me.

Whenever we go to some places that he wanted to go, I always wanted to ask if it was also the place where he had spent his time with his past lovers..did they done the same thing that we are doing now? why didn’t he took his camera with him to share this memories with me and look through the photos and reminisce with me later on? Was it enough for him from what he had spent here with them? 

I always think about this stuffs, it keeps running my head and I would feel really hurt and mad at the same time. What a psychological torture for me. In the end, I always try to think about what my mother said to me on the phone when I felt really bad of these thoughts..she would say “think of this situation this way, why did he marry you? because he knows that you are the forever girl. A girl worth settling for. Those girls that he had before, they are nothing compared to you, that’s why you are there now, thousand miles away from us because he had chosen you. You are the special one and you had chosen him”.

It was somehow a breathe of fresh air after that call. Truly a mother’s comforting words could always heal a broken heart. Even they are thousand miles away. They are the special ones, and I am so thankful.

At the moment, I feel better after putting these thoughts into a virtual paper, at least I hope, even one person is out there reading this. I hope you do get what I mean. I will just take this life ahead in a positive and refreshing way. And to always pray to God and guide me in choosing the right path in every single decisions I need to make. 

-------From my Heart <3