since I began my rewatch it's sort of moving to see how from the very beginning buck yearned for a steady relationship, like, yeah he was a player and a self diagnosed sex addict BUT he did want something serious.
it's also sad how he sort of resigned himself to not be somebody's choice to the point where even just a moment of physical intimacy felt like enough for him. and then when he finally gets that relationship, when he finally feels like he has that something, he's just forever changed. and now he can't imagine wanting something different.
and yet, it's tragic how eventually most of his relationships end with him (most likely) feeling like he's not anyone's first choice. he can't be someone's first because he's still young, he can't be someone's first because of his job, he can't be someone's first (as himself) because his death comes first, and he can't be someone's first because they believe they won't be his last.
and every time he keeps going, still searching, still open to love, still reaching for the top just to fall straight to the bottom. but he doesn't seem to give up in his quest, though everyone has a limit. it makes you wonder if he will give up or just get tired and finally do something about it.
but who knows, one can only hope he does.
damn it evan buckley.