#notallthatmad

[mxkersmxrk]

"Ryan Haywood has died."

The words flashed on the screen and the woman in the news read it off like she could be doing something better with her life than reporting the death of one of the most wanted men in Los Santos. The words seemed to go through him, straight into his heart as he was sat in his penthouse, the rest of the crew there, staring in shock. How Ryan was caught, they weren’t sure. Geoff wasn’t even sure himself, but he could feel his heart breaking, taking in a deep breath and getting up. They didn’t need to see him have a meltdown.

Walking to Ryan’s room, Geoff was quick to look the door, rummaging through his things, trying to find anything that could signify what could’ve gone wrong or what he was doing. Maybe he had planned it? Maybe he was faking? Letting the city into a bit of a relaxed state before coming back, but nothing. Geoff put things back where they belonged before grabbing one of Ryan’s sweatshirts, laughing a bit because normally he’d be yelled at for stealing his clothes. He put it on the sweatshirt, sinking to the ground and curling up in it. His mind just couldn’t believe that Ryan was gone. There was no way he was. Maybe he’d just come back in, shout at Geoff for being in his room before curling up together, comforting him. No matter how long he would wait, though, the rational part knew Ryan wouldn’t be coming in.

[mxkersmxrk]

"Hey, you're up surprisingly before midnight." Ryan chuckles, holding a small, homemade cupcake. "Happy birthday. Here's to another year of being the worst influence on me."

Smiling at Ryan, he took a step towards him and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, babe. You know I try my best to be the worst influence on you. Its because I love you, though. You know that.”

[mxkersmxrk]

Geoff's heart was still aching days after Ray's death. He couldn't fathom how he was dead, still expecting him to arrive in his room, holding him tightly and kissing his head. But it never happened. If it did, it was in dreams, but they were rarely happy. Most times they were nightmares of Ray's dead body, Ryan trying his best to resuscitate him. It was always horror in his mind, waking up with fresh tears on his face and clinging to Ryan. The other man hadn't left his side since, and he was in shock at the fact that he didn't sleep still. He just wanted to have his Ray back, both his loves. He knew that Ryan blamed himself for Ray's death. Geoff didn't blame him. He blamed this stupid hell hole that they were trapped in. It was what gave Ray those hell powers. He was already an emotional child, a bit of a mess. And Geoff hated every moment. He hated the wardens, hated the way they stared at him. Hate the way Gavin was still trying to suck up to them after Ray had died. He wanted to watch them die, wanted to make each other watch as the other die and let them suffer the way he's been suffering. Geoff wanted to be ruthless in their deaths. Wanted to make sure they didn't forget his face in the afterlife, but he knew that no amount of torture was going to be bringing Ray back. No amount of ruining those...children turned monsters would make him feel whole again. As long as he had Ryan, by his side, breathing, he'd keep living through this hell. Even if it was miserably.

[acevav]

things you didn’t say at all.

Gavin knew that one day Ryan would die. He was only a scientist, nothing special other than creating him, having a smart brain. And sometimes Gavin could only think of his own immortality, nervous about losing his human, his beloved, his creator. Of course, he had Michael and Geoff, they were immortal. Jack and Jeremy and Ray and Ryan were not. It wouldn’t be the same if they were all separated and Gavin’s heart ached every time he thought about it. At least, he thought it was heart ache.

As he was thinking, he didn’t notice Ryan walk into the room until arms were wrapping around him and he took a gasp of air, relaxing just a quickly and leaning into his touch. He was warm and soft, he loved him. He loved him with all his heart, no matter how much Geoff made jokes about not being able to find a human lover and no matter how much Gavin wished he could remember his past. Everything didn’t matter as long as he had Ryan and could rest in his arms.

“What’s up, my little monster?”

It was obvious that Ryan had caught onto his anxieties, Gavin leaning closer and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Nothing, my lovely scientist.”

He didn’t need Ryan knowing that his monster, his prized creation, had anxiety. That was honestly nothing he needed to know about. Not about how human he was again and how much he worried about losing his love.

[mxkersmxrk]

@notallthatmad

Moving had been hell on Geoff. He mostly was kicked out of his own home, taken in by his grandfather. He didn’t mind, his grandfather was more accepting of the way he was living, the way he was. Except he was in a small town, where everyone went to church and knew everyone else’s business. Geoff figured he’d be able to deal with it, living here and dealing with the whispers of why he was here.

There were certainly whispers as he drove in in his beaten up pick up truck and pulled into his grandfather’s driveway, taking out the two suitcases that contained his life that he was allowed to bring. It was Sunday, after church, that much Geoff knew considering the church was right down the street, his grandfather not back from the service yet. Sighing, the neighbors that didn’t happen to be in the church were looking at him as he walked into the house, quiet and looking around. It all seemed the same like he remembered, not minding it. It was full of good memories and he wanted to see what else there was for him to remember, like the guest bedroom that happened to be where he was going to be living.

Smiling, he left his suitcases there and walked back outside, arms reaching into his pockets and walking down the street. What better way to meet everyone than at the church where they were most comfortable? He wanted to see his grandfather at least. Reaching the church, it was slightly loud by the doors. He was sure that there was a grou of people talking in there. Opening to door, he looked around with a nervous smile as heads turned towards him. His eyes settled on one specific boy, one who seemed about his age, just more innocent than he was, honestly. And he was near his grandfather. A perfect reason to go over and talk. He was calm, walking over and greeting his grandfather before turning to the boy.

“Uh, hi there. I’m Geoff, new. Uh, my grandfather, Mr. Ramsey, do you know him well?” Geoff was hoping that there wouldn’t be too much about him, yet. He didn’t want the boy having assumptions already, though, his grandfather adored him, so he wasn’t too concerned.

[mxkersmxrk]

our morons, things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear.

Fucking fuck fuck fuck bae hard choice of the verse

Geoff had been pacing in his room, whispering to himself about things he wanted with Ryan, about a life he knew that they wouldn’t be able to have, honestly. Not while they were this young, in this town.

“God, how do I fucking tell him I’m leaving? Do I know...do I know what I want in life? Where I’m going?” His mind was reeling and he hadn’t noticed that Ryan had walked in and was standing at the door, staring at him, until he turned around.

Swallowing, Geoff moved towards Ryan, trying to get the sad look from his face by smiling at him, no matter how fake it was considering what he had just asked himself.

“You’re leaving without me? I mean, I knew you would one day, but I wasn’t expecting so soon.”

The way that Ryan’s voice was so cold made his heart drop, a hand moving to Ryan’s cheek as the other moved to his hip, tugging him closer and leaning in, kissing his cheek.

“No, no, Ryan. I wasn’t...I didn’t wanna leave without you, Ryan. I wanted to take you with me. I want to go explore the world with you, do everything with you. You’re...you’re everything to me. And I want to stay with you. Forever.”

It was never his intention to leave Ryan alone. He wanted to go with him. He would go to the ends of the earth with Ryan if he asked. It was anything for the man that he loved, but he knew it was a problem with how young they were. They were barely adults, barely grown, it was just that Geoff couldn’t stand to be here any longer. He needed to get out.

“Please Ryan, come away with me.”

The look he got in return was enough to tell him no. He should’ve known. Ryan had a life here, had everything. Geoff had absolutely nothing left here, just Ryan. And maybe that was enough to get him to stay until Ryan was ready to leave, to make a life together away from here.

[mxkersmxrk]

“No, Ray’s corrupting you with memes. What’s next? Website jokes like Jeremy? Babe, all I want is cuddle and love with my crew and what I get are cold toes and sadness.”

[mxkersmxrk]

“Well Ryan, I’m not that much of a bitch when I cuddle with Ray or Michael or Jeremy, it just so happens that they’re fucking hogs and I cannot gain a blanket back no matter how hard me and my cold toes try and I can’t move cause then I’ll wake their sleepy asses”