#nothing is linear

[procrastilate]

Advice for your younger self?

okay i went a bit overboard. i should probably add a ptw here because it feels appropriate.

i’d tell her to hang in there. that no matter how shit things get (and they will get shit), there’ll come a time where things make sense. she’ll learn that it’s okay to be herself again. she’ll learn why things were so hard for so long. she’ll learn that it’s okay not to care what other people think. that she’s not broken or ‘wrong’, just that something went a bit funky in her development. 

i’d tell her that she’s going to want to give up and she will, but that she’ll come out the other side. that things will be hard and they will be hard for a long time, but that they will get easier. that it won’t always be so hard to exist. that she won’t always feel so hopeless. that being autistic isn’t a sign that she is not designed to be here. i’d tell her that she should take the time to process it and understand what it means, instead of retreating to shitty maladaptive coping mechanisms she knows full well will hurt her. that she’s going to do that anyway, and it’ll feel great for a while, but it won’t last. that it’s going to be miserable. that her body is a resilient son of a bitch but that it isn’t an exception to science. that she’s an idiot. that she that she’ll grow afraid of big bananas. that she’s valid.

i’d tell her that she’ll make it to uni. eventually. that she should study geology instead of neuro. that the first year is going to be hard and she’ll have to leave to take care of herself, but that she’ll get there. that shared accommodation is not a sustainable way for her to exist at uni. that she’ll be okay. and things will be good.

i’d tell her to play more music. and take care of herself. that future me hasn’t seen the other side of that shitty coping mechanism, but that i’m sure it’s great. 

that giving up only guarantees a negative outcome. that a low chance of something better is so much greater than no chance. 

i’d also tell her not to be a bellend, and that she’ll understand why that’s funny at some point.

anonymously (or not) ask me any question you’d like to know about me

[diaryofagirltryingtomoveon]

got broken up with three months ago, have been living in stasis since because I haven’t wanted to move on yet. now I think I want to try

[paraelsolylaluna]

Would you consider me a bad feminist?

I like the way men look at me

I make believe I’m truly fond of the way they touch and please me

But in the back of my mind I know that they’re just

An itch

That needed to be scratched..

But they say the more your scratch the more you want to continue

Scratching..

What comes first.. the itch, or the desire to scratch?

Would you consider me a bad feminist?

Even though I sometimes still let the man gaze dictate the hair on my legs..

Dictate whether it will turn them off or make them believe they’re on a date with a “too much of a feminist”

I say to them, “I’m queer, I typically only date women..”

Then they look at me confused up until their hands make their way up my dress, and down my thighs..

Would you consider me a bad feminist?