Stuff.
It is 12:40 am and every thought I could possibly think of is passing through my mind. My fears, hopes, dreams. Everything. Lately I've been in a slump. I've kind of been floating through life, or doing just enough to get by. It's mainly because I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to/meant/destined to do. I wish my calling was more direct. Some people I know have known what they've wanted to do since they stepped on this earth, and people like me, have to fight everyday, and make significant changes to just not get left behind in the race of being accomplished. I've wrestled, stumbled, fallen, time and time and still don't feel as though I've made/covered some meaningful ground. So I just stopped trying. I literally stopped moving, and for some months, I've just been going through the motions of mediocrity. The place my former self promised to never end up in. I feel like a failure. I am for giving up. It's affected my ability to have meaningful relationships with those around me, causing me to be drawn back and more self-absorbed than usual. But, no more. I'm not running, I'm going to take small steps, steps to keeping promises to myself and those around me. I'm going to commit. Commit to myself, my goals, my freedom, my dream to live and not just survive. Commit to love, whether or not it's reciprocated. God commits to me everyday. And still remains my main source of strength and perfect example as a distributor of love. He is love.
Today I choose to believe nothing can hold me back but me, and I choose to not even let me, get in the way of doing what God has planned and destined for me to do. Not my cynicism, not my disbelief, not my fears, and worries. I choose to believe nothing can hold me back. Nothing!
