#notrupi

[notrupi]

hello binches i am finally here

[notrupi]

her hair, golden in the wind her skin, peaches and whipped cream her eyes, warm and comforting and Tumblr Dashboard Blue

[notrupi]

i know my vulnerability despite what i've been through is a strength -

but sometimes it feels so much like a weakness

it feels like a tap that will never turn off

it feels like a flood

it feels like the cut and the gash and the blood

[notrupi]

your name

perhaps i could move on with more grace if it wasn't for their beautiful name ;

our names together inseparably woven in my head like the lovers in well-loved literature -

romeo and juliet, bonnie and clyde, daisy and gatsby, hamlet and ophelia, catherine and heathcliff, [redacted] and [redacted]

one without the other seems wrong

one without the other feels a half-truth

oh [redacted]. i begged to any and all powers that could possibly be whether i believed in them or not to have reason to speak your name with love, with soft, with tender again -

i promised my soul to anything willing to take it just to remember once more from our good times the way your name felt in my chest before i spoke it -

when i meant it like a promise -

when i meant it as a vow -

when it was my favorite sound to moan

[notrupi]

what if atlantis is actually us from the future after the consequences of global warming floods the earth and it's been a prophecy this whole time that we've ignored

[notrupi]

sitting in my new little apartment, eating my little ramens, doing my ironic little self care regimens, re-watching episodes, pirating DBT manuals, trying not to overdose on misplaced nostalgia for times i still have nightmares about