#noufeeling

[brwnchoco]

hidup ga sehitam putih itu.

if it doesn't work on you, doesnt mean that it doesn't work on other people. maybe you arent just not good enough, that one just doesn't suit on you. but for anyone else, it might be working.

dan kalau ada sesuatu yang baik untuk kamu, bukan berarti itu satu-satunya jalan yang baik pula bagi orang lain. Bukan berarti itu satu-satunya yang terbaik.

[brwnchoco]

one day on a day off

Today was the bravest thing I have done in travel terms I guess haha. I have zero ideas about this city routes. Like, if I wanna go to any places, I really dk what transportation should I choose, where should I stop or transit. But on that day I challenged myself boldly about how far I can go alone loll. Long story short (In terms of ceritanya puanjang, pake ada pemberhentian yang keskip around 10pm dan harus take another bus to back in the line, bermodalkan gmaps dan nanya2 dengan petugas, eventually I did it. Many experience has experienced that day. Quite fun! I like this kinda adventure with myself; taking her around the city, bingung bersama, takut bersama, tapi ujung-ujungnya lega juga . Feel like "mission complete!!" then high fived my own selff <3 On that day, I met new friends that have same energy and It felt so relieving. Thank you, Nou, sudah membawa Nou jalan-jalan ke tempat yang baik. My heart is full.

[brwnchoco]

Selasa, 4 Maret 2025. Aku lagi dalam keadaan ruwet-ruwetnya, lagi buanyak buanget yang dipikirin.

Dan... Dapat pesan dari Whatsapp kayak gini. Ceritanya aku lagi ngehubungi teman-teman yang seproject di kuliah, karena ada sesuatu yang perlu disampein.

Blaasss auto luntur semua yang bad mood yang dirasain tadi:''') Ternyata sengaruh itu ya efek appreciation words.

Aku senang dan sangat bersyukur bisa menjadi jembatan bagi orang lain untuk bisa merasakan positive spark dan mereka bisa jadi terbantu karena itu. This kinda words totally means a lotttt to meeee.

[brwnchoco]

2024

(I think) I've never talked a lot about a year other than this year.

I realize, the point that keeps me surviving until this year is "Detachment".

This mindset wasn't built in a day, like, I just decided to have this. It was built day by day, week by week, and so on. I kept learning that's how I got this perspective. And yeah, it works. It makes me see that there are nothing truly belongs to me. Apa yang ditakdirkan untukku, akan kembali padaku. Apapun itu, manusia, benda, keadaan, perasaan, apapun.

Anyway, I feel too much mixed emotion in this year, to be honest. But I love to feel them. I got many life lessons as well, which are.. another more life lessons! (ofc, Nou 😀). I can't stop thanking my Allah for all of this. Actually it didn't only happen in this year. But, I don't know, this year is kinda giving hits different vibes and feels a bit intense.

[brwnchoco]

One of the things that I know that I'm so grateful for is being myself; this strong, pretty, and never-stop-chasing-her-dream woman. I've gone a lot of journey with this woman. With this physique, this body, this strength, I embrace every part of me that always be with me all this time and will be with me buried under the ground soon. I love the pain that life gave me and I embrace every mistakes I've made (It's always okay to be not okay. I'll learn from them at the end anyway).

I thought being left by people I love does make me feel like I'll have some traumas or I'll feel numb. While actually what happened was just indifferent. I thought being left by people I love was the most thing I'll be scared of. Turns out, I'm more scared losing myself, the only self that feels what I feel and understands me the most.

And the only one I can't live without.

[brwnchoco]

If my first-20s-years-old great grandchildren asking me, "How was your feeling when you were my age?"

I will answer, (idk is it the real me will be answering or my ghost lol)

"My feeling was really good. Im grateful for what I had. Im grateful everyday. I'm doing what I know I have passion on it. Im feeling happy. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh, but those are what make me feel alive. Knowing that I'm human, means knowing I have a lot of chance to make mistakes, for learning, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just live the life. And this feeling is leading me to good things in the future,"

while hugging them tightly (still don't know, it will be me or my ghost).

[brwnchoco]

I always trust my gut feeling. It's always accurate somehow ✨

[brwnchoco]

For me,

being created as a woman is a blessing, and I embrace it as a compliment from Allah🤍