An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick (2020)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw/Jake "Hangman" Seresin
Characters: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Jake "Hangman" Seresin
Additional Tags: Angst, Past Relationship(s), Not Canon Compliant, This got really soapy and I’m sorry, I’m not actually sorry, Idiots in Love, Hopeful Ending
Summary:
Tumblr prompt from h4ngm4n:
hangster fic with the lines 'you can let go now' and 'i've already lost you once, i'm not risking it again'
When Bradley finds him, it’s on the deck of the carrier. It’s dark save for the vessel’s sparse lighting and the saline wind is whipping through Jake’s hair.
In all the years they've travelled together, the only person they've ever come across on the road is Yennefer, much to Jaskier's immense displeasure. And then proceeded to run into her suspiciously often. Geralt puts it down to a wish or some such nonsense, but Jaskier doesn't care why so long as he doesn't have to spend any more time with her than he has to.
So when he hears Geralt talking to someone as he makes his way back to camp, his heart sinks immediately, expecting it to be Yennefer. But when Geralt makes it up to the campfire, there are two people with him, neither of whom are Yen. There are a taller blond man and a slim woman with bright eyes, neither of whom Jaskier recognizes.
"Jaskier," Geralt grunts, "we have company."
Thank you, Jaskier thinks, I can see that. He doesn't roll his eyes, but only because he doesn't want to make a bad impression on their guests.
"How wonderful!" he says, turning and crossing the camp to greet them.
The woman - Gwendolyn - introduces them, explaining that her partner Dominic once fought alongside Geralt to rid their village of a swarm of kikimores. Jaskier raises his eyes at the Witcher, but Geralt ignores him. There's a golden story in there somewhere and Jaskier makes it his job to learn it in full - if not from Geralt, maybe from Gwen.
Gwen is also a bard and Jaskier instantly adores her. She seems less interested in the fighting and adventures that Dominic goes on than Jaskier is with Geralt, but they find common ground in their music. And it's nice to have someone who really appreciates what is one of the most important things in Jaskier's life.
Geralt invites them to travel with them, much to Jaskier's surprise and Gwen and Dominic set their tent up next to Geralt's. Jaskier is looking forward to having company, even just for a few days. It's not often he has anyone to talk to other than Geralt and if he's learned anything in their time together, it's that Witchers don't make particularly good conversational companions. So he's glad to have the company, but as the night wears on, Jaskier's happiness dwindles.
Gwen and Dominic are so happy together, constantly touching and laughing and sharing their joint stories of life on the road. They're happy together and very much in love and Jaskier's heart aches wondering if he'll ever share that feeling with someone. He glances over at Geralt where he's prodding at the fire and smiles sadly. Even after all their years together, he can't be with the one he truly loves and seeing friends of Geralt's so happy together hurts in a way he didn't expect.
He's never wanted that one special person in his life; he likes being with different people each night, but he also can't imagine not coming back to Geralt at the end of the day. Geralt is his constant in an unpredictable world, but Jaskier still finds himself wanting more. Even if he shouldn't. Geralt has never made any indication that he'd even be interested in something more and yet Jaskier aches for it.
He curls in on himself when they sleep that night, keeping his distance from Geralt in the small tent and tries to forcibly ignore the empty feeling in his chest. When they wake in the morning, the four of them set out again, travelling at a steady pace.
Gwen joins Jaskier at the back, chatting away happily about the ballad she's working on and Jaskier's spirits rise again. They talk throughout the day as they walk and she asks about Geralt and their time together. Jaskier tells her a little, but leaves out certain details, not willing to face those feelings in the bright light of day.
When they stop for the evening, Jaskier pulls out his lute and plays for them while Geralt gets the tent set up. Dominic and Gwen join him and after a while, Geralt comes and sits next to him, much to Jaskier's surprise. He shares his wine and Jaskier drinks more than he should, overcompensating for the persistent ache in his chest.
Jaskier plays his best songs and Gwen sings along with more of them than Jaskier would expect her to know. He's pleased to know his words reach so far across the continent and it encourages him to sing louder, more enthusiastically. Geralt gives him a look, quirking an eyebrow at him, but Jaskier just winks in response and continues. Geralt may not appreciate him, but their new friends do.
It's not until the fire burns low that the ache returns. Gwen is sprawled in her lover's lap, grinning up at him and Jaskier has never seen someone look so in love. He's pleasantly drunk, toeing the line between a light buzz and too much. When Gwen and Dominic turn in for the night, scurrying away to their tent hand-in-hand, Jaskier excuses himself and slips away into the darkness. He’s not quite ready for bed, but he’s not up to sitting alone with Geralt right now, either.
The moon is full and bright, lighting the field adjacent to their camp and Jaskier strolls through the long grass. He wants what Gwen and Dominic have. He wants to feel that overwhelming adoration and have it reciprocated - even just for a little while. Love comes and goes, but he wants to know how it feels to have someone love him so completely. His romances have been fleeting or have taken place over years with their encounters few and far between; the only person he's been with for longer than a few weeks is Geralt. But Geralt is far from his true love - if there even is one true love for him.
But Geralt is different and Jaskier knows he will always hold a special place in his heart above the rest. Even if their relationship never becomes anything more than it is, Geralt will always be different. But the thought of continuing as they are sits heavy on Jaskier's heart. For the first time since he can remember, he feels alone, unwanted. And he knows it's not Geralt's fault for not wanting him, but he can't help being miserable anyway.
Footsteps approach from behind and he turns to find the Witcher coming up behind him. His hair shines in the moonlight and Jaskier lowers his eyes, smiling sadly.
"Come to bed, Jaskier. We have an early start tomorrow."
"Alright."
Jaskier offers up a smile and follows after him as usual, forcing down the desire to reach out and press up against him.
In the morning, Geralt is missing, but both Gwen and Dominic are sitting outside when Jaskier crawls out of his tent. He keeps his spirits up as well as he can, eating breakfast with their companions and passing his low mood off as sleepiness. When Geralt returns, he seems quieter than usual, but Jaskier suspects it's because this is the third day with travelling companions and Geralt is used to it just being the two of them.
They make it to town that day and Geralt takes on a contract for a ghoul that's been terrorizing the town at night. It means they'll be in town overnight at least and Jaskier books them a room at the inn and settles in while Geralt discusses his terms with the mayor.
Geralt leaves in the late afternoon and takes Dominic with him. Jaskier and Gwen stay behind at the inn, neither one less confused than the other. Jaskier doesn't say anything about it, but he finds himself worrying about what could possibly have spurred Geralt to take a companion to fulfil a contract. He rarely even lets Jaskier go when he promises to sit to one side and not get involved. Jaskier orders them a round of drinks and pushes the thoughts from his mind.
"So tell me about Geralt," Gwen beams, leaning across the table. She stretches her hands out, looking up at him expectantly. He knows what she wants to know, but Jaskier has nothing to offer.
Jaskier tells her everything he can. He recounts their travels together and sings Geralt's praises, talking of his achievements and all the lovely songs Jaskier's written because of him. Gwen just looks at him and he knows none of this is what she wants to hear.
"I've heard your songs," she says, "I want to know about him."
"I think you've got the wrong idea."
"I don't think I do," Gwen says softly. "I see the way you look at him when you don't think anyone is watching. The way you look like you could be happy to spend the rest of your life following blindly after him."
Jaskier opens his mouth to interrupt, but he's silenced with a single look. "Okay," he breathes.
"I also see the way he looks at you," she says, "like he's afraid you're going to walk out of his life one day and he'll never see you again."
"It's not like that. Geralt is my best friend and my muse and I don't know what I would do without him, but it's certainly not mutual. I'm giving him a better name, that's all. It's why he keeps me around." The words keep coming, but Jaskier's heart thuds heavily against his ribcage and he doesn't think he'll be able to stop speaking if Gwen doesn't interrupt him.
"Geralt is..." he falters, trying to come up with something to say and Gwen looks at him with such earnestness that he can't lie to her. "He's beautiful," he admits, "and he's so much kinder than anyone knows and if he wanted to settle down, he'd make a wonderful husband, but-"
"It's not like that?" she asks and Jaskier just offers her a sad smile.
When Geralt and Dominic return, both parties go their separate ways. Dominic and Gwen are moving on, but Jaskier has already rented a room and Geralt is tired and worn out by the time he returns. They say their goodbyes at the door to the inn and Jaskier watches as they saunter away hand-in-hand.
When they turn in, Geralt falls asleep nearly instantly. Fighting really takes a lot out of him and Jaskier pulls a blanket over him, smiling down as Geralt grumbles and rolls over in his sleep. Jaskier sits on the floor, leaning against the bed. He doesn't want to climb into bed with him because Geralt wakes easily and he needs his sleep. And Jaskier doesn't expect to sleep much tonight anyway.
He can't stop thinking about what Gwen said to him. Surely Geralt doesn't really look at him when he's not paying attention. And if he does, it's only to wish him silent.
They head out in the morning, but they don't get far before a storm breaks out. Roach spooks easily at the thunderclaps and Geralt herds them all under the shelter of the trees. They find a stone overhang that's just tall enough for them to crouch under and Geralt ties Roach to a tree a few feet from the entrance and sits with her until she calms.
Jaskier watches from his spot undercover, a small smile creeping onto his face. Geralt really is so soft and gentle and no one ever sees it. No one but him. He pushes himself up to keep from staring and collects as much dry wood as he can find for the fire, stacking it into a neat pile. He's no good at lighting them, but he can get it ready for Geralt to come back.
When he does, Jaskier smiles up at him from his spot against the wall. Geralt takes a seat next to him, quickly forming the sign to light the fire and Jaskier swallows back the spark of arousal that always accompanies Geralt using magic.
"It was nice to have company," he says simply and Geralt hums.
"I think I prefer when it's just the two of us."
Jaskier's heart leaps but he tries not to think too much about it. He smiles up at Geralt and slumps against the wall. Maybe it would be nice to be showered with affection all the time, but when he looks at Geralt, he can't imagine trading him for anything. He watches as Geralt pokes at the fire and realizes no amount of love and affection makes up for what he has now. They might not be together and Jaskier never expects things to change between them, but he loves Geralt for the emotionally unavailable idiot that he is.
They lay their bedrolls out and Geralt stops Jaskier as he moves further toward the back of the shelter. "It's a cold night," he says, "you should move closer."
"To the fire?"
"Hmm."
Jaskier looks up and Geralt is staring down at the ground. The thought that Geralt might want to keep him close bounces around Jaskier's head and he lays his bedroll between Geralt's and the fire. When he lies down, he still feels cold, but Geralt slips up behind him and Jaskier can feel the heat of his body against him. It makes his breath catch in his throat and he shuts his eyes, pressing back into him. He doesn't open his eyes because he can't bear to.
"If you want to leave, I won't ask you to stay," Geralt says quietly and Jaskier freezes.
"What?"
"The way you looked at Gwen and Dominic... you're a lover Jaskier, you can't spend your life chasing after an old Witcher."
"And if I want to?" he asks. His heart thuds loudly and he can barely think over it. Geralt stirs next to him and when Jaskier opens his eyes, Geralt is above him, looking down.
Jaskier reaches up, sliding a hand over Geralt's cheek. He can barely breathe with the fear of saying the wrong thing and when he opens his mouth, he almost forgets what he wanted to say.
"My darling Witcher," he breathes, "where else could I possibly want to be?"
"But you want more," Geralt says and if Jaskier didn't know better, he'd say he looks sad.
"Not if it means leaving you," Jaskier breathes. And he means it. He wouldn't give up Geralt for anything.
Geralt doesn't say anything and Jaskier doesn't know how long he can last hanging in this silence where he doesn't know what to say and Geralt looks like he wants to kiss him. He can't think, he can barely breathe in the silence, but he reaches up, sliding his arms around the back of Geralt's neck and sliding his fingers into his hair. He waits for a moment, giving Geralt the chance to pull away. He doesn't and Jaskier draws him closer.
"Don't do this just for me," he whispers and Geralt barely gives him a chance to finish before closing the space between them. His lips are soft but hesitant and Jaskier brings him closer, shows him he has nothing to be nervous about. When Geralt draws back, he looks almost sheepish.
"I'm not. I know I'm not good at things like this," he mumbles and Jaskier lets his hands slide to Geralt's face. He shakes his head and draws him close again.
