#nowthatiknow

[accordingto-p]

#NewVideo @RaeSremmurd #NowThatIKnow #BangThis #WelcometoParis #LetTheMusicSpeak

[hergossamersoul]

New chapter for this blog.

[niah88]

#nowthatiknow #thewayitgoes #yougottapaybackeverypennythatyouown

[niah88]

#nowthatiknow

[findingmywayineveryway]

now that i know ..

hello , i know that thos blog is only mine , but someday i will tell someone that i have a blog in where i can be myself and show how scared and how broken i am . 

last week i found that i have diabetes ..

it shocked me in so many ways that i cant even describe in words even though im pretty good at it , i just felt like i died in that moment , i coukdnt show it , because my mom was there and she died just before me , so i had to be strong for her , not for me and in that moment is when i realise that i was just so fucked up . i cant take care of myself , i left my home and came to my another place in another town in where my university is , and this past 3 days all that i have done is nothing , and i just wanna cry and feel sorry for myself , god im 21 fucking years old , i dont wanna die , i just wanna travel the world , be a teacher have children , a fucking boyfriend , someone who can take care of me , even when i dont want him to .

i dont wanna make a big deal in front of anyone , because its exhausting you know? when you are ok , no one even ask how are you , but when you are sick , suddenly everybody is your friend , suddenly my father treats me well and he cares now , he speaks to me now , why now ? i am that pathetic? 

i am so scared that i cant even talk about about it , i do not know how to tell people , i dont want to look into their ayes when i tell them that i am sick and the feeling that they are sorry for me , but i am sorry for me i wanna cry but instead i do NOTHING  , i just sit around ..

i should be studying i have so many test this week , but i can only think about this desease , its already consuming me , my doctor says im going to be ok or just fine , but i dont believe her , or i cant believe her , i do not know ..

now that i know what i have , its worse than ever ,  when i was broken hearted i could blame you but now .. there is no one to blame  just me  just my broken body and my fracturated soul  am i diying? am i giving up? i want to?

there is so many shit in my head right now i do not know where to start 

also you , you confused me , you little piece of lovely shit i want to love you so much but you just love me in ways that i cant understand  love is so fucking weird .

i hate everything , i want to embrace it , but i can .. i just cant.

[xabieralonso]

neuers: i'd rather die tbh

nowthatiknow: no! my size is pretty average. the smallest head in my class was 53 cm and mine is, like, 56 i think, so :p and thanks! i just received it today and i don't have my last exam for another 32 days, but just having it here is nice ^___^

aalvaromorata: tak! er ikke officielt student endnu, desværre, der er 32 dage og fem eksaminer endnu før jeg kan kalde mig det :p vi modtog bare huen i dag og det er deeeeeeejligt at have den! det hele virker lidt mere tæt på nu, synes jeg :D

[nublipa-blog]

#creative #world of #devendra #banhart #cover #illustration #collage #nowthatiknow