#noxrants

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

TDLR to the pre post, I am scared, confused and very frustrated over my health issues because they just won’t stop being weird ass bitches that can’t let me be a normal dysfunctional adult.

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

Guess who lost some jaw bite strength cause of a damn lump on the neck? das right, this fucking unlucky asshole.

I fucking hate my body and its inhability to give me normal, easy to define and treat stuff.

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

you know...

Perhaps a reason it struck so hard the fuckery that my “father” did on the last years of the school, is because my teachers and the scool had become one of the fundamental pillars to lean and find support on... my teachers, my classmates, the inspectors...

can’t think much about where I would be without them... they all managed to stich and patch up so much even if only by hovering around in the case of some...

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

nvm, now there is this issues with finding a home, and chances are my ”father”’s father has cancer... life has a way to test my resolve really

...

I can’t believe I’m going to the bad coping mechanism to fucking ease my brain, NVM I’m going to go off and play games, can’t deal with all this shit right now.

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

NVM I think that set off abuse ptsd

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

fuck me... I’ve got one of THOSE teachers...

Lady didn’t remind of a closing in period for evaluations, noticed the entire class ar a very late hour with about 8 hours for preparation. Gave no instructions or space for clarification of doubts and any confusion in regards of said evaluation, and on top wasn’t on the class, and was unwilling to open a window for discussion with any of us to come to an agreement that, at least in my mail, was left with a clear willing mindset open for a space of conversation... one shared and spoken on between ourselves while she was away unresponsive to our concerns and messages until it was almost too late, if not too late altogether...

worst thing? our coordinator and carreer boss, whatever it is said/written in english, are siding with her and not even giving us a window of discussion. One some of us at least left very clear to be willing to have...

This woman is giving me fucking vibes that remind me of my “father”/male progenitor, and I honestly don’t know how to feel ‘bout that other than thoroughtly conflicted, sick, and anxious...

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

honestly is kind of sucky I had a panic/anxiety attack. These past years I’ve been managinganxiety to at least be somewhat productive and now suddenly I fucking suck at it and on top I get an attack...

I was starting to get a hand of it, and suddenly I am at the spot of needing psychologist earlier than I had planned, because shit is getting hard. And my mother’s the one to pay it instead of me.

Kind of makes me feel like I failed a little really...

[noxvigil-noxtradam]

I just realised some things thing after talking with my psychologist.

I don’t understand what friendship is anymore, and what divides the line between a friend and a acquaintance. I know there are things that can define it in a social context outside my perspective, some factors...

But other than that? I am lost, and I can’t seem to define it on my reality.

And I don’t know how to feel about that...