#noyn

[mossymoodymold]

tumblr is so FUCKING noynophobic ive been trying to vhange my pfp and banner to noyno for about like 10 minutes now and i just CANt

[pocketfullofnerdybby]

I. The Calm Before The Storm

There is so much going on here! Let's just go ahead and put all the trigger warnings ok?

Bucky's POV:

I can smell the thick salty air as the wind whips around us. Few things in this life give me a deep sense of calm and pleasure but one thing that always can recently is the wind and the salty air. My eyes shut automatically as I take in a deep breath and allow the sting of the air fill my lungs. It feels as if time stands still, as the wind whips through my hair and a distant memory comes to the forefront of my mind.

——- flashback——-

"Bucky, sweetheart, come eat , my sweet boy!" My mom calls, as I drop my toys on the ground and run towards the house.

There she stands at the door, her long auburn hair flowing in the wind, her sea blue eyes twinkling with delight as I come running up the steps, her plump round pregnant belly bobbing as she chuckles at my antics.

"Ma!" I said, stopping short in front of her. "When will the babe be here?" I ask innocently.

"Whenever they decide to grace us with their presence, my sweet boy!"

I smiled and ran inside.

"Don't forget to wash your hands, you little scoundrel!" She called after me, the air of laughter light in her voice.

A few moments later, my father makes an appearance and comes into the house going directly over to his wife and wraps his arms around her lovingly, his hands splay over her swollen belly.

"And how is the wee babe doing you today, my love?" He asked, gently nudging her neck with his nose, pressing kisses until she giggled.

"Not in front of the boy, my love!" She said giggling.

"He's going to learn someday when he becomes a man!" My father said , letting out a deep and throaty chuckle.

"Well until then, he's still my sweet , innocent little boy!" She said, walking over to kiss the top of my head.

"Sweetheart, you can't coddle the boy! He needs to be tough as a man! Not some ninny with his head in the clouds!" My father said , before turning to head to the bed chambers.

"Don't listen to him, my boy! You can be whatever you choose to be! Now, if you're done eating, you can run along and play! Just be back by dark!" My mother said , giving me a kiss on the cheek, before I scurried away.

I didn't know that would be the last time I saw my mother.

I ran towards the cliffs and sat on the edge watching the waves roll and crash over each other, and the seagulls soar over head, as the sun started to descend into the sea, casting the skies into beautifully exotic shades of pinks, purples, oranges and reds.

I stayed there until the stars started to twinkle and I realized then that I should be getting home.

As I ran home, I could hear screams the closer I got.

As I ran as fast as I could, the screaming got louder second by second.

As I ran into the house, my heart beating in my throat, I recognized the screams were a mixture of cries of pain and fear.

I ran to the source of the cries and came crashing into the bed chamber.

There in the middle of the bed was my mother, drenched in sweat as the midwife tried to help deliver the babe.

With every push, a scream was ripped from her throat, until suddenly the noise stopped.

My father rushed to her side, but the midwife shooed him away.

Suddenly I watched as my mother started to shake and blood, lots and lots of blood, started to soak into the sheets.

After what seemed like eternity, my father, holding my mother's hand started to sob, as the midwife slowly shook her head and left him alone with my mother's lifeless body.

"Ma!" I cried out, running to her other side shaking her.

I couldn't help it as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

After about an hour, I sat there with my head at the side of the bed as the silent tears continued to run down.

I don't know when father had stood up but suddenly he was at my side.

"Come son, enough of the tears. Nows the time you need to be a man!"

"But I'm not a man, I'm a boy! A boy who just lost his mother and the babe!" I said, the tears flowing harder.

Out of nowhere, I felt my father's ring cut into my skin, blood dripping down my face.

"Don't ever speak to me like that again son! I just lost the love of my life and my child!! Don't think for one moment that you are the only one who is in pain!" My father roared before stepping out of the room, slamming the door.

"I promise you ma, I will stay true to being the free spirited son you taught me to be, because I don't want to be anything like him!" I spat looking over my shoulder at the door that had closed only moments ago.

Days later, standing at the cliffs, I said my final goodbyes to my mother and what we were told was my little sister, who I named Rebecca, as father couldn't be bothered to utter a name for the child.

"I'm going to miss you Ma! Father is making me go with him, and i don't really want to have a life at sea, but I can't stay here. I wish you could hold me and tell me things will be alright!" I sobbed.

All of a sudden two doves appeared flying over the cliff as a rainbow fell into a radiant arch of colours into the sea, and the wind picked up whipping through my hair, feeling like a tender caress.

With a heavy sigh, I turned and started walking towards where my father was waiting for me so we could head to the port, to a life I truly never wanted.

——end of flashback——

The moment is quickly ended when I felt a hard smack at the back of my head. "Get your head out of the clouds son, you want these men to see you as some kind of a dreamer or someone who is tough and gets shit done?" Father's rough voice cuts through the mental image that I hold secretly in my heart. A dream of a life, far from piracy. 

I clear my throat and give a half hearted chuckle, "I was just thinking of our next stop after this port." I can see his jaw clench and his eyebrows furrow as he strokes his chin ready to spit out his rugged words, "this is where you'll prove yourself. Not only as a pirate, but as my son and successor. You have to show these men that you can lead them just as I have." 

I take in his words and mimic his actions, yet I offer no words. A simple strong nod. Thinking of what's to come. Something that would change my life forever.

"I'm going ashore with the crew. I want you and Steven to stay and watch over the ship" my father barks over his shoulder to me as he begins to exit the captain's quarters that he and I call home. "aye aye sir." I barely manage to whisper out. I make my way over to the small window facing the dock and watch my father stoically walk away with the rest of the crew laughing and making their way into the small port city to drink and screw away their allowance until they are satisfied. 

As soon as they're out of eye sight, I smile and sigh, finally I can be myself without being called out or chastised for not being tough enough. I run my hands through my hair and smile, and begin jogging through the ship to find my best friend Steve. He is the only other person in the world who knows that I don't want this life. The only person who knows my passion for art, life, and love. "STEVE," I call out, "STEVE!" 

Out from the doorway of the crew's area pops my best friend. He smiles as he approaches me, "Hey, Buck!" He reaches out and slings his arm around my shoulders and guides me back to the quarters. I mimic him as I throw my arm around his shoulders and follow his lead. We laugh as we tumble into the room and hurry to find our hidden objects scattered around. 

Thick blank scrolls, feathered pens, ink jars, the rare chalk and oil crayons to add color to our paintings. We sprawl out everything on the massive table that sits near the rear windows of our massive ship, take our seats and discuss what we plan on allowing our imaginations to draw out onto the canvas. Steve, ever the romantic, explicitly explaining how he planned to draw his latest bar wench that he bedded at the previous port. Between the two of us, Steve was the ladies man. His naturally blonde hair and piercing blue eyes make him damn near irresistible to the local women. I simply smile and laugh at his hilariously obscene and exaggerated gestures, "I think I'll just stick with the current scenery around us. I feel like there's a subtle beauty to what surrounds us." I respond to him as he just rolls his eyes and begins to scribble his 'lady' on his canvas. 

A week passes before my father and the crew make their way back. I begin to push my smile and happiness away to avoid confrontation from my father. He's a mean old drunk, and I don't need to give him any more reason to notice me. I grab the small stool and the two bottles of rum that are on the table and make my way out of the room. I sat next to the outside of the door, and begin sipping on the rum. The noise of the crew grows as they begin to drunkly stumble onto the ship. My father sways onto the ship with his arm around some wench who he convinced to join us to the next town. He offers me a knowing wink as he drunkly guides her to the captains quarters. I say nothing as I simply offer up the other bottle of rum as a kind of peace offering. He snatches it from my hands as he kicks open the door and pushes her in, and slams the door behind them. "Make ready to sail" comes muffled from deep inside. I sigh heavily and rise to my feet and start barking orders for the men to sober up and begin readying the ship to make our way to the open sea to reach our next destination. 

I make my way to the helm and run my hand along the wheel. The sunset looks stunning among the horizon. I dare to not even blink so I can take it all in, tonight when everyone is sleeping I'll remember this view in my mind so I can draw it.

______________________________________________________________________________

Your POV:

I clean my chalky hands on my dress as I prepare to leave the school, I can see my mother in the window waiting for me. I knock on the window and wave to her before quickly gathering my books and rush out the door to meet her. Her smile beamed as she looked up at me and returned my wave. It was the same proud smile she had when I came home and told her of acquiring my new job as the school teacher for the local young children. 

"Hello mother," I huffed out as I made my way down the steps of the school house and joined her. I hooked my arm with hers as we made our way down the street to the local grocer to collect our weekly order. I silently cursed myself for brining my books when I had to unhook my arm from hers to pat at my hair and push the stray strands away from my face. It was shameless but knowing that there was a chance to see my beloved, David, I instinctively feel the need to make sure my hair is neat and presentable. Mother adored him as the choice of  my future husband, even though a proposal was never made. To her our marriage was a necessity, I had three things against me as a choice for a bride. David however didn't care that I was a more shapely woman, or that I was basically a spinster at the ripe old age of eighteen, he cared even less that I was a bastard child. He loved me and I loved him.

My mother always cursed my father for leaving us days after she gave birth to me. She loved him deeply, but she always said that he loved the sea more than her and it broke his heart when she birthed him a daughter instead of a son. The memory of my father haunts my mother, I can hear her cry and call out for him almost every night. I never have the desire to ask her about him, the one time I did she became angry and unconsolable. "Your father was a merchant sailor who loved the sea more than he loved us. He's a good man but we are better off without him" she spat out before marching off to her room and slamming the door shut leaving me sitting at the dinner table alone. 

The small bell that hung above the door to the shop rang out alerting David of our arrival, "My darling, I am so glad you are here!" He exclaimed as he emerged from the back of the store dropping the heavy sack of flour he carried on his shoulders. He took me in his arms and held me tightly and giving my temple a small secretive kiss as mother's 'ahem' broke our embrace. His smile grew as he turned his gaze to her and took her dainty hands into his and placed a small kiss atop it. Mother turned a deep shade of red as he looked up at her and winked, "oh David I cannot stay cross with you." she giggled. I playfully crossed my arms over my chest and cleared my throat. "shall I leave you two alone?" I teased. Mother tossed a chastising glance in my direction and smiled at David. He simply straightened himself and moved around the counter, I have your order ready for you. 

"Thank you my beloved, can you please place it on our tab and I can come take care of it at the week's end?" I inquired. David looked to me and smiled, "I will not. As long as you are mine, you shall want for nothing my dear." He looked over to my mother and back at me as he smiled. The door bell rang out again as someone else entered the shop, "have a nice day ladies, shall I see you later for supper?" I simply nodded as I ushered mother out the door handing her my books as I picked up our groceries.

We headed home, arms and hearts full not knowing that this would be the last time.

[kleine-eule]

"Die Kunst ist es seine Schwäche zu erkennen, sie zuzulassen und zu einer Stärke zu machen."

-N. C.