[ Okay real heckin talk here bc I know there’s bound to be people who feel the way I do to varying degrees:
I’ve mentioned this in the past and I don’t exactly keep it secret but I do, and have been, struggling with N//PD+BP//D for years. This is relevant bc it ensures that I have an extremely skewed self perception. The only way I can feel validation is through achieving something or being ‘the best’ at something. That being said, having duplicates around is sort of an exposure treatment for me. And all things considered, I like having duplicates around bc they help balance me out.
Sure I get upset occasionally, but it’s a product of my own PD and self esteem. Not the duplicates. So I exercise responsibility by first removing distress (performing self care). And then rationalising it by reminding myself that rp isn’t a competition. I have nothing to win, and nothing to lose either. I’m here to have fun. I then remind myself to try to view duplicates as opportunities to learn bc it appeals to the benefit driven side of me.I like to observe other bkg writers and how they choose to rp their muse. I find out areas that they are good in and areas where I can learn from. And it helps as well, to remember and see that they’re also doing their best and trying to refine and improve themselves. It helps to remember and see the writer behind the muse. And I’m a lot happier that way bc I made a lot of friends and we’re able to share ideas.I still get the occasional bouts of NPD envy + rage. That’s not something I can control. I don’t intend to guilt myself for feeling negative emotions either bc envy is part of a human + species emotion. So why would I fault myself for expressing something so natural? The only thing I can control is what I do. By remembering that, by reminding myself and with all these little things, it helps me cope. It helps remind me of my progress and rewords toxic behaviour. So duplicates are a good thing for me ultimately. ]@willgravity
