Not how I expected things to be, but hello again.
As I was creating this new account I saw people asking about me, worried, thinking something might've happened, thinking tumblr did me dirty, and first of all, I want to apologize to all these people. I am sorry for scaring you, it wasn't my intention at all.
So let's get to the point. My account was deleted because I got caught in the middle of a breakdown. My autism does this lil fun thing to me that makes me completely unaware of my own emotions until I'm drowning in them, so when little things pile up I don't address them, I don't notice them and therefore, I don't heal or solve them, until they're too big for me and I feel all those negative emotions at once, making me snap. The snap came back in the form of me wanting to completely disappear of the face of the internet. Changing my discord and almost deleting it, deleting my tumblr, deleting my twitter (which I managed to save today btw) and almost deleting my instagram. I only failed there because I couldn't find the option and got so frustrated I rage-quitted.
But, yeah. I'm not proud of it, I'm deeply upset of my decisions during that emotional outbreak. What happened? Not much stuff that would interest you. Personal problems, insecurities of mine, loss of a friendship and finally realizing the toxicity of some behaviors I didn't correct on time. All alone might not seem like much, but it deeply affected me to the point of wanting to go away and never come back. Which is, fucking stupid to say the least.
And I fuuuucking regret it. I fucking regret deleting my tumblrs. All my asks, my art, doodles and shit and mutuals, all gone. At least with Twitter I could save it but Tumblr? Nah man that shit is forever.
Right now I'm better, and I guess what comes next is moving forward and rebuilding what I did. I don't like that it happened but, oh well, it did. I still have so much to work on myself, specially learning how to identify how I feel so I don't have these emotional outbreaks when stress is high enough. I ain't blaming anything or anyone other than myself lol. My IQ drops to zero when I'm going thru it and I just take them most horrible decisions in order to punish myself.
I'm saying a lot, and at the same time, nothing. I don't know. I usually just talk about horny stuff and Hatchetfield and shit here, but I felt like being a little vulnerable with you guys. Again, sorry if I worried you, sorry if I scared you. I deeply regret what I did and, well, I'm payin' my price for it.
If you found yourself back here, and decide to stay, thank you! I'll reupload everything back slowly, I'll probably create my SFW account again. If there's a positive to this, it might be that I'll try to organize my blog more.
Again, I'm sorry, and thank you all. This fandom is one of the best things that happened. I love everything about it, I love how its full of amazing artists that inspire me every single fucking day to do more and to be better. Full of amazing editors, amazing writers and, amazing people. Keep groing, keep creating, keep doing what you love. It fuels the people surrounding you more than you think.
If you have any questions, as long as they're not too personal, feel free to ask.
Thank you, love you all.
