#ntc chapter 2

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beginning

Translations post

Koralese (merfolk language) in blue

ŋ!aalumatji (short form: ŋ!aamoon) - Literal translation: She who controls the tide - Conversational Simlish: my love or my gravity; a merfolk nickname for a wife; so Merkenneth's nickname for Zuri

Galaxillian (nebula language) in purple

Kǂzuri [the click Kǂ] + [a sim's name] - Literal translation: this sim's galaxy (e.g. Zuri's galaxy) - Conversational Simlish: a nebula pet name for a lover - so Zuri's pet name for Merkenneth is Kǂzuri

‖qʰɨgrav Kǂah-AhkarNebula - Literal translation: The brightest giant Nebula is written with the unseen forces - Conversational Simlish: May your stars never burn out, Queen Nebula. (Long live the queen)

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beginning

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Chapter 2.4

Trait-giver Zuri (Queen Nebula): CAS-384, I'll choose overlay 84 for tonight. You may turn off your hearing aid and leave right after the fabrication, please?

CAS-384: As you wish, AhkarNebula.

Zuri: Thank you. You can start complaining now, Merkenneth.

Enamourer Merkenneth: I should not have to complain.

Zuri: And I should not have to try convince myself that my husband and my siblings were not enjoying my failure but here we are.

Kenny: You don't need Simnekro, Z.

Zuri: You don't decide what I need. I know that what I don't need is random voices speaking to me in Kǂahelohim talking about the dark side of Kǂah. Especially when the maker of callistos is my husband and has been promising his congregation that my sister is no longer here.

Kenny: She's in a core, she is as good as -

Zuri: Just apologize, Kenny. I don't want to fight about if you lied or not. It's a waste of time. And your protection spell -

Kenny: Stop calling them spells. Please.

Zuri: Fine. Your prayer for protection. Stop.

Kenny: I will not.

Zuri: Why not?

Kenny: Because you're my wife. I will do whatever it takes to protect you.

Zuri: Then cull Simnekro. Is that not what you need to do? If she's here, I will find her, Kenny. And I will figure out how to make the sixam. But you do not want her pixels on your conscience, correct? Do you prefer I ignite the Sixam-Jupiter and reset the simulation? Do you prefer that I have millions of other pixels on mine?

Kenny: I'd prefer that you forget all of this. And leave the simulation as is. That you'd stop letting Nova -

- that you'd stop - Nebula, you - you're worth more than a sixam. More than -

Zuri: Am I worth your honesty? Your respect? Does my purpose matter to you? I hope it does.

Kenny: It does. But this is life and -

Zuri: Who cares? I'll reincarnate. And you will find me again.

Kenny: Why are you being unreasonable?

Zuri: I'm being unreasonable? You lied to me. We wrote our bonding agreement together, no? You told me to choose my path before we got married. I chose it and then you still chose to study me and marry me. Were you hoping I'd change my mind after? Are you lying when you call me ŋ!aalumatji, Kenny?

Kenny: Of course not.

Zuri: Then be kǂzuri. As I figure out who I need to be, you'll move.

Kenny: This is me. You've made your choice, this is how I'll move.

Zuri: Well, can you at least apologize for moving in a way that undermines me? Because this is not what you promised.

Kenny: Do you believe that's what I'm doing, Zuri? Undermining you? I'm trying to -

Zuri: If you say save me, Pastor Merkenneth, we are going to have a bigger problem... I do not expect us to be in agreement. You never expected us to be in sync all of the time. What we promised was complete honesty. Your Elohim has a boundary? Fine. I accept and will pick my battles there. But did you make a bonding agreement with 15 different sections to account for my lack of submission to then try to force me into submission?

Kenny: I'm not trying to force you -

Zuri: Kenny, this is the part where you at least say sorry... No?

Where you accept that all of your good intentions do not make up for the fact that I feel betrayed and controlled. That I feel like you don't love me unless I do exactly what you and your Elohim think I should do. Just like I think my own tribe does not love me unless I give them a new sixam. You can see that when you scan my coding, no? Are you just tolerating me when -

Kenny: I'm never tolerating you, ŋ!aalumatji.

Zuri: Good. I'd still like an apology but I'll take the reassurance. Damie will help me with my sister. You can tell me which callisto core she's in on your own or I can search them all myself. Your choice. And it's intimacy night. When you're done sulking, meet me at your pool.

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Chapter 2.5

Love and Obedience (part one)

When Kenny visited other simulations with Ravi, he only looked for his Elohim and the different versions of the scrolls. When he returned, I saw his traits glitching for the first time and we did not speak for a few sim-days. I saw his traits glitch one other time after we got married. He thought that Lady Ravendancer was speaking to him because he had started to believe he's Merarouca's reincarnation. Reincarnation is unacceptable in his scrolls. I've only heard his seduction lullaby once. And now I am confident enough to guess that was the day that he hid my sister in one of his callisto cores.

His seduction lullaby was as Faye described. Below the sweet music, you could hear the arguments in his mind. He screamed "Those who accept your commandments and obey them are the ones who love you." And his Elohim replied "Salvation is not a reward for the good things you have done." But Kenny repeated "I did not obey" over and over and over while he held on to me as if he needed me to convince him that I loved him when his Elohim didn't... I told him if he sang his seduction lullaby again, I would terminate our bonding agreement. I do not remember or know his Elohim well and I do not intend to obey but I refuse to feed a lie. Not once did Kenny's Elohim say that he was not loved.

In Galaxillian, we do not have a word that directly translates to love in simlish but we have many for obedience and duty. I can understand how Kenny equates rebellion with hatred. The only way I could show Xius how much I hated him was through rebellion. But Xius was only my father and Merkenneth is Kǂzuri. Kenny has been good to me but I do not need him to be good to want him. I need this relationship to be more than obedience if the obedience feels like compromises that lead to resentment. I need us to be able to disagree and then choose to prioritize each other again.

I need room for him to mess up- to lie to me about my sister because he's trying to protect me. I need room for me to rebel- to do something I know will hurt him... I need to make that sixam! I need all the time and energy I spent on this nebula calling to lead to something that lasts. And I need him to love me even when I don't listen... it's just this one thing. I'll be good to him in every other way. I'll be the wife that he needs me to be in every other way. But I need to make this sixam.

And I want him to stay with me through it.

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